Another inheritance AIBU

[GilbGeekette]

I'll try to be brief. ExH has terminal cancer and is young (early 40s). We have two DDs, 14yo lives with me and my DH, 16yo lives with ExH and her SM. Both the children have been told that when he dies, everything will be left to their SM with the (unofficial) understanding that she will provide them with financial help through Uni etc. I make no judgement as to whether this will happen or not, I don't know her well enough to be able to gauge this. ExH and wife are v well off.

Whilst I would have been pleased if the children were left something that was categorically 'theirs' I don't think it's any of my business. DH and I will help them with the cost of Uni as much as we are able, or they will have to do what lots of others do and get student loans.

The few (close friends and family) I have discussed this with have all been horrified and have said that, should this happen, I should contest the will on my DDs behalf. I feel really quite icky about this. AIBU to think that, whilst given similar circumstances, I might have made a different decision, it's none of my business?

[Bogeyface]

BRAAAIIIIIINNNNNSSSSSSS

[WafflyVersatile]

I think its unfair to put the responsibilty on the SM to carry out such a vague promise unless it is set out v clearly. I can't imagine a solicitor advising this. trusts would be better.

[Apileofballyhoo]

I do agree that provision should be made for your DDs, morally and I would hope legally, they have a right to it. I've just wondering what ExH's reasons are, and thinking perhaps their income is tied up with their asserts, that is, their jointly owned business generates their income. Without your ExH the income could be much smaller? Forcing the sale of ExH's part of the business could leave SM without sufficient income/destroy the business? As could forcing her to buy out your DDs IYSWIM. As there is the strong possibility that your DDs have a legal claim, it should be pointed out that SM's financial situation would be vulnerable and assets may have to be remortgaged etc/sold off to provide for DDs, leaving SM in a potentially precarious position. This is not in anyone's interests and SM should be aware of it. It could be an angle to approach with. Everything should be sorted now, not left up in the air.

[shellbu]

i like the way you have discussed the will with people and not the fact that your children will not have a father in their life and how you will help them in their grief , it is his and his wifes money and house , if he dies it should automatically go to her , why should she pay anything for your kids ? would you for hers if it was the other way ? you sound very grabby , not at all bothered by the fact your children will have no father in their life , you are just worried about money , i dont think your children will be !

[BadabingBadabong]

Zombie thread

[Maggie111]

To even think of contesting the will is vile. You've divorced, separated your finances and now it's all his money. Well, and his wife's.

[digerd]

And again, I have to say that the inheritance laws on the continent do protect the blood -line children's inheritance. Not so in UK, but think it should be.

My friend is on her 3rd marriage, the first 2 divorces. Her currant DH and she have a Will leaving 60%/40% in her DH's children's favour.
My friend's mum is still alive in her 80s, and doesn't want his children to get 60% of her estate when she dies.

I advised her to ask her mum to leave her share to her children and not her. Matter dealt with. But did say that her children are not then morally entitled to inherit 40% of the Grandparents inheritance that her DH already has received and is in the 'pot'. That belongs to his DC.

She hadn't thought of it that way.

[CrapBag]

I wouldn't speak to either one of them, they may think you are being grabby (even though you are not and I am that he is leaving the money to his new wife rather than his children. I absolutely would not rely on her to provide for them. Money tends to do funny things to people.

Glad you are seaking legal advice. Everyone I know who has remarried, in the wills the money goes to the children not the new partner.

[MrsMmoo]

Given your last post I say your best option is to contest the will once he has died. Even the threat of contesting the will ties up assets so many people come to an agreement before it goes to court.

Don't wait around expecting the SM to give them anything.

[GilbGeekette]

Sashh, Talking to ExH is absolutely not an option. We were unhappily married and I've spent 12 years working hard at civility for the sake of DDs. Whilst he wasn't a good husband, he's been a good father.

Talking to the SM might be a better idea, as a number of people have suggested. I have a better chance of a sensible conversation with her. However I think there is an even chance that it won't go well and I'll make a difficult situation worse.

I know my posts might seem woolly, and I might seem a bit pathetic but I really haven't got a clear view of the situation. I'm so drained from emotionally supporting my DDs through this horrible time that I feel like I'm permanently running on empty and the smallest thing is making me teary. Even worse is the knowledge that this period only ends when he passes away, and then my DDs will have lost their Dad. And, tbh, I can't even begin to process how terrible that will be for them.

I'm sure that folks will understand that adding legal stuff to this is a bit daunting! But again, thank you to all who posted, I really appreciate the input

[sashh]

Talk to your ex. If there is a lot of money his dw might end up paying tax she wouldn't pay if some money went directly to the children.

IMHO I'd rather some money went to the children than the taxman.

[AThingInYourLife]

"But surely XH's money and the SM's money is, together, family money."

Yes, and his family includes his two dependent children, for whom he has made no provision in his will.

[GilbGeekette]

Lamename, I have remarried, as has ExH. There are no children in either marriage, other than our two DDs from our marriage.

Simply put, I don't know whose assets belong to whom. This is my ExH, I'm not privy to the details of his financial affairs. We had an agreed maintenance arrangement without court/csa involvement. This ceased 2.5 years ago when eldest DD moved in with her father and youngest DD remained with me.

As I said in the original post, I'm not in a position to judge whether SM would keep to the informal agreement. From what I know of her, she has the girls' bests interests at heart but I accept that this might change over time, for a variety of reasons.

I have arranged to see a lawyer to ascertain the legal standing, on advice from numerous posters on here and I am grateful for everyone who posted their thoughts! As an aside, it has prompted DH and I to (finally) sort out our wills as well.

[Ladyflip]

The difference here is that your DDs are minors and he has a duty to maintain them. The Inheritance (provision for dependants) act states that you can make a claim against the deceased's estate if he has been maintaining the girls immediately prior to his death.
You only have 6 months from the date of the grant of probate, so you have to act quickly post death.
I am horrified that a solicitor has advised him he can do the will as you suggest, unless he has set up a more formal trust in which SM is the trustee of his estate and she has duties to provide for your DDs.
If your DDs were adults not being maintained by him at the date of death, he would be able to leave it all to his wife. But usually we find some way of preserving assets so SM can use them while alive then leave them to DDs on death.
You can only mention it to him whilst he is alive, but also point out that it will cost his estate money to sort out the error as punch ups over wills are paid for by the estate. But please be aware you only have a short timescale after his death to make the claim.
I am a solicitor specialising in wills and probate if hhat helps. PM me if you want more advice.

[whois]

Disaster waiting to happen :-(

I really hope he reconsiders.

His estate, or a portion of it, should be left directly to his DCs. In trust, and with provision for SM to live in house, but leaving everything to her leves them with recourse if she marries again / dies / turns out to be a cow / gambles it away etc

[flyingspaghettimonster]

There needs to be something in writing saying how she is to help them. If she remarries presumably her new partner would inherit her money that should really be for your children. I think I would have to bring up the subject, but tricky as presumably anything you say is going to be taken negatively...

[FairPhyllis]

Rebecca, the point here is that it appears to be the exH's intention that the DDs do get some sort of provision from his estate - but the way he is choosing to administer this, through the SM, won't guarantee that what he wants will actually happen.

[BegoniaBampot]

This is different Rebecca. My friend's mum died when she was young. Her father married again to a woman with a child from a previous marriage. When he died he left everything to the second wife who then passed it all on to her son - my friend got nothing.

[2rebecca]

I disagree with many of these posts as I don't see my house and belongings as belonging to my children. They belong to me and my husband , if we choose to fritter it away on cruises and sweeties that's up to us. Yes I'll financially support our children until they are finished studying, but certainly if my husband or I die in 10 years time we wouldn't leave our house in trust to any kids, the other spouse would get it. it's our house, they have their own houses and should be making their own way in the world.
Yes to making provision for young children in a will, no to either spouse leaving the other one as a lodger in their own home whilst the house goes to the adult children. This doesn't happen in families where the parents stay together so why should it happen to separated families?
My mum died a few years ago and my dad inherited everything. If he wants to die with no money left that is his affair, I'm a big girl and can look after myself.

[lamename]

I rather agree with scarlettsmummy - I can't see why both parents are not making any effort to ensure support for two young-ish children...

OP, are you and ex-DH both remarried with second families?

[RedHelenB]

As dd would still be getting maintenance if he was still alive, at the very least you need to get this provided for her until she is 18.

[scarlettsmummy2]

If it was my daughters I would be contesting the will. No question.

[lljkk]

I don't know what any of us can say what a fair division is, because we don't know how much SM has brought to the business & marriage, or what she needs to live on. Half might be way too much from the exH's estate.

Everyone is assuming that the SM would be stingy. The opposite could be true. She could be much more generous under the proposed scheme than an settlement the DH might think up (and which the courts would find fair).

By getting the exH to explicitly state what his DDs get, they could end up with less. Easy for SM to think "Well they've had theirs" & provide rather less than she might have, otherwise.

[Crikeyblimey]

Not read all replIRS (am lazy) but what if his now wife remarries and has more or step children? What happens when she dies? Also you legally can't inherit money till you are 18.

I would be tempted to speak to him to clarify what his actual wishes are. You might be able to persuade him to set up a trust for the children which will legally become their's at 18.

Not a pleasant situation to be in - hope it works out.

[rollmeover]

Even with all the good will in the world and the SM stays true to the deal, what happens if she dies/becomes incapacitated six months after her husband? Her will would need to be clear that it goes to her step daughters otherwise all the money will go to her family.
Its so hard, but I think that even if the girls dont want to rock the boat you might have to.
Speaking to a solicitor is a good first stpep, but perhaps you could have a discussion with the stepmum too just to outline a few concerns (and you can couch it polite terms "i know you would never do anything to go against the girls best interests but what happens in x y z doomsday senario.)
Good luck.