To think I'm not a fucking cunt for wanting to become a nurse?

[DontForgetTheLightAlesLawrence]

Sorry for the swears

Background: Son is in last year at Primary school, age 10.7.

Split up from son's father when son was just over a year old. Always shared responsibility, if anything, son's dad wanted s to live with him. Son stayed with me though. I changed jobs and we moved away - about an hour's drive away; Dad ostensibly accepted our moving but punished me for it with verbal abuse, on occasion. (Was mutual decision to separate, so no no residual issues - just wasn't working any more.)

Relationship with son's dad has been frequently strained, but recently better - he married a fab woman last year, whom I thought has had a calming effect.

Son and I moved back two years ago, things became difficult (I became depressed following the death of my beloved grandmother), and my grandfather's health was failing. So, we moved in with my grandfather and I looked after him until he died in July this year. Being nearer his dad has been great for my son and he is really settled.

Since my grandfather's death, I have enrolled on an Access course (which will enable me to do a nursing degree, starting September 2013). If you don't know, a nursing degree is 50% at university and 50% on placement. My son's father has wondered how I will manage placements (which could include shifts). I told him my ideas for provision for our son, and he suggested that son goes to live with him
I discussed this, in a very casual way, with son - and as I thought, he wants to stay with me and go to the secondary school where his mates will be going - and continue to see his dad as he has been - no issues with access and I'm always accommodating and encouraging their relationship.

Today, I discussed all of this with son's father and he called me a fucking bitch and a fucking cunt - for wanting to do something to improve mine and my son's life . I'm being selfish and awkward etc. etc? thinking of myself before our son

He is being a cunt, not me unreasonable, yes?

Sorry for the robotic writing style but I have found it easier to write like that.

[DontForgetTheLightAlesLawrence]

Thank you Latara. Once I'm qualified my son will be 14! Oh my goodness me, I cannot believe how quickly he has grown up :(

[Latara]

No you are not an FC.
Well done on wanting to be a nurse, it's a tough job but worth it.

Once you are qualified you will be able to choose a job that is flexible for childcare as you wish, you will have so many more options in life, the wages are good, you can continue education for as long as you like while working, & most of all it's interesting, you get to meet lots of new people all the time, & it's great to be able to give good care to your patients. :)

Your ex is probably a bit jealous of your ambition, he needs to grow up.

Good luck with everything.

[DontForgetTheLightAlesLawrence]

Agent, you have taken my posts at face value and are also looking at the other side - fair enough.

What things have I said that do not sound (to you) as though I am being reasonable about my situation?

[AgentZigzag]

'and I'm not sure that everyone was trying to be helpful, actually.'

Saying that is having a go.

Posters answering threads know it's going to be one sided, but you've said things which don't sound (to me) as though you're being reasonable about the situation, which makes me wonder just how reasonable are you generally.

I'm not giving you a stereotypical AIBU response and saying YABU just for the sake of it, or looking for an argument, I'm just giving you my opinion of what you've written.

You seem very eager to accept other posters saying he is a twat (and he might well be for all I know), but not really have posted to explore the situation you're in and come to any kind of solution or compromise about your decisions to become a nurse.

I know you're feeling a bit panicky about it, which might go a long way to explaining this, but you've got to live with this bloke somehow (because he's always going to be your DSs dad) surely it's worth looking at other aspects of it in the long run however much you might not want to?

[DontForgetTheLightAlesLawrence]

Yes, Agent, in my OP I said that he would like to have custody. For no reason, other than he loves him. I realise taht a lot of men are happy to be backseat, and it is unusual for a man to want full-time responsibility, but there it is. It has no bearings on my skills, btw.

[DontForgetTheLightAlesLawrence]

X-Post. Cheers.

[DontForgetTheLightAlesLawrence]

Thank you, I realise this - you don't know me, so I don't expect you to know whether I am robust enough to cope.

As I said just now, "naysayers" was supposed to be a light-hearted retort.

[scottishmummy]

actually sounds as if you've got it all sorted
so yes good luck
you'll need to ignore hs comments

[DontForgetTheLightAlesLawrence]

I wasn't having a go at anyone. It was a lighthearted retort - "stick that in yer pipe etc..'' and I'm not sure that everyone was trying to be helpful, actually.

Of course it is a one sided OP - it's my experience.

Maybe he is angry because he is a controlling arse who doesn't want me to improve myself?

[scottishmummy]

you know what,pipe down a wee bit
these are legit questions you're being asked
there aren't naysayers as you call it. I queried the panic attack as nursing is mentally,emotionally demanding.you need the robust character to cope. and if you have propensity for stress or panic attacks it is worth considering thus

however,as you say,you are already an assistant, you work shifts already
you're keen motivated
so good luck in your studies

[DontForgetTheLightAlesLawrence]

Worra - my child will enjoy the care of friends and family, much similar to he does now. Little darling might have to endure me doing homework, but I think he will cope.

[AgentZigzag]

It doesn't sound plausible to me that he called you a bitch and a cunt when you told him you wanted to improve yours and your DSs lives.

Which would mean something else is making him angry.

It is odd if there'll be no difference in the times he sees his son, but as other posters have pointed out, he may have concerns about what will happen with your DS.

It's also strange for him to jump right in and start threatening that he wants your DS to live with him, does that suggest it's something he's been thinking about for a while?

'And yeah, the particular man we are talking about is a cunt. So stick that in yer pipe you nay'sayers.'

It's not helpful to start having a go at posters who try to help you see it from a different perspective. We don't know you or your ex, all we have to go on is what you say, and it looked to be a very one sided OP to me.

When it's obviously one sided you have to look at what the other side might be.

[DontForgetTheLightAlesLawrence]

Yes, sm, I do shifts already.

They don't affect him, do they? No. Because I'm not improving myself then, eh?

[liveinazoo]

yanbu

go ahead and make a new life for yourself

a good role model is good for your son

[DontForgetTheLightAlesLawrence]

Oh. X-posts.

I had a panic attack because, well, I have them when I'm under personal emotional pressure. Not because I was sworn at. How strange that that might make me unsuitable for nursing. I've coped with a lot worse.

I have extended family and some bloody good mates, all who want me to succeed at this, and will support with the care of my son - who will be 11.5 when I start.

And yeah, the particular man we are talking about is a cunt. So stick that in yer pipe you nay'sayers.

[scottishmummy]

do you currently do shifts?late to early, weekends?
he shouldn't have sworn but dad dies have right to ask how it all goes
if you have safe consistent cover, and realistic about studies then good luck

[WorraLiberty]

Your studies might not affect him, but you've not explained how they might affect your child.

Of course your studies benefit your child but your ex is worried about your child's care.

[IneedAsockamnesty]

Ok op do your provisions for childcare mean reasonable adequate safe child care is provided ?

If the answer to that is yes then I stand by my initial response.

In my world you don't send a child to live elsewhere against there will when there home is perfectly reasonable and all needs are met just because you start a job or go to uni.

[DontForgetTheLightAlesLawrence]

Agent - you are correct, he called me a fucking bitch and cunt. I am asking no more, or less from him if I do this. suburbophobe has it, I think - he doesn't want me to be successful. We work in similar fields and I think maybe he wants to do the same as me - but he has ishoos there that is a whole other thread.
I want to do this, yes for myself, but it will have benefits for my son, also.
My studies will not affect him to the detriment of his contact with our son - maybe the way I've presented the back story is a bit confusing there? It will not change at all.

Sm, I have worked in the field as an unqualified assistant, so I think I'm realistic about the expectations. I DO have support for placements etc.

Thanks moopoint.

[moopoint]

But she does say that he called her a fucking bitch and a fucking cunt. For that he is being a cunt.

[WorraLiberty]

Exactly

For all we know the 'provision' could mean the OP's Aunts, mate's, daughter's cat looking after the child.

[scottishmummy]

if you have panic attack at being sworn at do you really think you're cut out for nursing
it's demanding and unfortunately minority get v sweary
how will you cope?what specialism of nursing?

[scottishmummy]

usual mn,pile in.mans a cunt...oh aye must be
tbh it's legitimate for aren't to ask how you'll manage with shifts,travel and uni
really do you have it covered?when you work late onto early shift Inc travel is that covered?

[WorraLiberty]

Hold on a minute

The OP has said... "My son's father has wondered how I will manage placements (which could include shifts). I told him my ideas for provision for our son, and he suggested that son goes to live with him"

Why has no-one asked exactly what those ideas for provision are before deciding the Father is a cunt?

[IneedAsockamnesty]

I fucking gave them all back every single one

Am I correct in thinking you did not ask or attempt to change any contact arrangements and that aspect will remain as it has?