Is one being unreasonable to take a couple of corgis to use as hot water bottles on public engagements? next time

[QueenBoff]

Long story, so one will cut it short. One went on a family outing yesterday, and it involved a somewhat long boat trip in full public view, with a brisk north westerly whistling its way up one's summer coat. One had to be defrosted afterwards by half a dozen valets with hairdryers. One is thinking with a bit of prior preparation that it might have been a rather better idea to take along a couple of corgis as foot warmers. What would one's subjects do?

[ppeatfruit]

Yr. reply has only emphasised my original thoughts sorry Ma'am it was not me who talked about their english or german speaking abilities.

[QueenBoff]

ppeatfruit They do in fact speak reasonable English, most of them, so she would be quite alright. However a bit of German is no doubt useful when visiting the family Schloss.

ontheedge One in fact does have a body double, but please don't tell.

[ontheedgeofwhatever]

Maybe your majesty has a look alike to take your place on some of these more tedious occassions. If that were the case I am sure many of your subjects would be very understanding.

[ppeatfruit]

Not wishing to be indelicate yr. madge; was it a cardboard cut out i saw on telly entering late and sitting in the royal box at the concert or are you becoming slightly 'ahem' gaga? Praps too many gins??

[ontheedgeofwhatever]

Your subject would be most grateful Ma'am.

Those names sound German - would I be wise to coach DD a little more in that language? At present she can count up to 10 and say hello, good bye, please, thank you and "a sausage with mustard please". I am not sure it would make for a great conversation and while i do not wish to trouble your majesty further I fear the last may even result in a terrible misunderstanding.

[QueenBoff]

One didn't actually watch the concert, one was having a gin on the sofa under a tartan horse blanket missing Feeleep.

[QueenBoff]

One needs to look down the succession list a bit, at the zu Leiningens or Bauschers perhaps, for recently arrived young royal cousins around the age of 6, who may be in the market for a small girlfriend who enjoys Lego and so on. Would you like one to put in a good word?

[ontheedgeofwhatever]

Your Majesty I am so sorry to hear your husband is unwell. You must be terribly worried. I do hope he is responding well to treatment and improving this morning

PS My DD would also like Prince Harry's phone number. I think she may be a little young for him at the tender age of six so perhaps you would be kind enough to recommend someone of your lineage who is a little closer in age and temperament? (he must be kind, he must be gentle, he must enjoy stories, he must like cats, he must enjoy art, crafts and lego and most of all he must love his family). Thank you for your consideration of your subjects humble request.

[ppeatfruit]

Well Ma'am (doffs cap respectfully) It pleased this subject that you passed the responsibility of the thank you speech to the future King after the concert ;he looked happier than usual to be taking you and Pheeleeps's place and yr daughter was really INTO the beat wasn't she? though my advice to smile more wasn't totally listened to!

It must look a bit like the above subject's hice outside yours this morning!

[miniwedge]

Well i quite like the one in Scotland, might do a bit of stag riding while I'm there if you don't mind queen Boff.
My hice is quite pleasant, we have modern art sculptures next doors rustbucket adorning the front drive and there are lots of sweary builders burly blokes to keep you safe.

[QueenBoff]

ferret Feeleep's problem is that they don't do Tena Men By Royal Appointment. Perhaps that should change. It is a blow that he won't be by one's side and all that, but that is the problem with marrying an older man, one thinks.

cantspel One is actually a Heavy Metal fan but one has managed to keep that quiet for several decades.

[cantspel]

I hope they have given you a decent set of ear plugs to pop in during the concert tonight

[cambridgeferret]

You should have equipped Philip with several warm non-caffienated drinks and a place to dispense the royal we(e), then his bladder would have been just fine.

[ajandjjmum]

You should have got Philip a slanket, then he wouldn't have ended up in hospital - poor thing!

[jazzchickensbyroyalappointment]

I am loving the bullet points

Glad to hear about the nets being anti terrorist devices and not just something to twitch. They still might respond to a bit of Glo-White though.

[QueenBoff]

One lives in hope.

[DukeHumfrey]

Thank you , Ma'am - I hope you have a happier end than the Bourbons (both biscuits and royal lines).

[QueenBoff]

What is this 'slanket' of which you speak? Can I put it on one of my racehorses?

[QueenBoff]

HebieGebies Harry is a good sport and particularly good at roasting bits of yak over a home made camp fire whilst on undercover missions. I think any young lady would be safe in his capable army hands. Indeed, one believes one or two ladies already have been. So your DD may have to join the queue, as they say.

DukeHumfrey One's favourite biscuit is a Bourbon, that being a royally named confection.

Miniwedge Did you have a particular hice in mind? One actually has a few thousand hices and so on.

Giraffes One has been in an Asda, disguised as a commoner, when stalking Queen Juliana of the Netherlands in a somewhat extensive trans-national parlour game that got rather out of hand (it's a somewhat long story). However one did not test the grapes - one has people to do that sort of thing.

Jazzchicken Sorry to have missed your visit. Where does one even start with regard to Buck House? Yes, it's a mess; the 'secret' room is actually a decoy - the real thing is underneath a local branch of Ladbrokes (oh gosh, the secret's out again, one hopes MI5 won't be too cross); one's nets are actually bomb defence devices and have little in common with textiles.

[jazzchickensbyroyalappointment]

Ma'am I visited you at Buckingham Palace last year. Unfortunately, you weren't in. You were probably out doing a big supermarket shop.

If you don't mind, I have a few comments to make:-

a) You have too many fireplaces. They also lacked symmetry. There was a big thread on MN about mantelpieces being balanced - it even got a mention on Jeremy Kyle. You should try and find the thread for a bit of advice and guidance.

b) Your tour guide tells everyone where your secret room is. What is the point of a secret room if everybody knows about it? You should sack him.

c) Your nets are looking a bit dirty.

I hope I have not offended - I am really quite attached to my head.

[giraffesCantFitInThePalace]

Have you ever been in ASDA? If so did you try a grape before buying?

[miniwedge]

Ma'am, I would like to ask if you're up for a house swap? I was thinking the last week in August, we have a cat but she generally shits in the garden so no worries about the litter tray.

[DukeHumfrey]

I would like to ask what is your favourite biscuit, please, Ma'am.

[Hebiegebies]

Ma'am, my DD would like to know your grandsons phone number, Harry's I think she said.
I would like to know if he would make a suitable Son in Law and if he will have suitable table manners and bring home the bacon, I expect the best for my precious DD

[QueenBoff]

Does one's subject's have any questions about matters of state and the monarchy that could do with being answered? One is anxious to make oneself useful. For example, one has knowledge of each Prime Minister's favourite type of beeeskeet since Churchill.