To think that if you're asking for help from a Charity, you should at least be polite?

[forward]

I friend of mine works for a Charity that provides help to the neediest in our society.

I was with her yesterday when she took a call from a man saying his benefit wasn't due until Tues, that there was no food in the house and he had no money for gas/electricity or petrol.

I'm not as nice as my friend and my view was that he knew that his benefit was due Tues and should have thought of that when he was spending it on fags and booze. Thankfully my friend doesn't judge like that and said she'd do what she could, which meant a food parcel and going with him to charge his fuel keys. But, that wasn't enough, he wanted cash and needed petrol despite not having a job to get to and living 10 min walk from the centre of town. It all got quite heated, but apparently my friend is used to people being abusive when asking for help.

AIBU to think WTF?

[AgentZigzag]

Bit of an inflammatory OP.

You don't say how your friend knows he spent it on fags and booze.

But what has what he spends his money on got to do with your friend anyway?

Of course she shouldn't be abused at any time, but she doesn't sound as though she's cut out for charity work if she only gives it out with good grace to the deserving poor.

If she's so judgy she should let someone else help.

[faintpinkline]

I think you're being a bit judgmental assuming he spent it all on booze and fags. There could be any number of things that upset his budget in that week - e.g. debt repayments, white goods breaking down, problems with children - the list is endless.

yanbu though if people really want help they should be polite and treat those offering them support with respect

[DamnBamboo]

Agent read OP properly. Friend is not judging, the OP is.
YANBU OP to think people should be polite to others, especially when they need help.
YABU to make judgements on how or why this man has run out of money

[forward]

I did admit to being judgmental but probably should have said in OP that this is a regular, often needing help before benefit due.

Agent - my friend was absolutely not judgmental, that was me. She got him his food and fuel with good grace, but she can't give him cash!

[mrsjay]

yanbu to expect people to be polite about thinks , and some people do feel entitled , but i do think its U to think he is going to spend money on booze and fags and maybe he is ... you do get people like this everywhere i work with a charity too and we have people like this asking and expecting , but people are not always well mannared or have social skills to come across as polite , I know its not an excuse but thats how some are

[IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll]

Presumably this charity has a criteria that it's beneficiaries have to meet. If they fit the bill, the charity has to help them. They would lose charity status otherwise, and they cannot just refuse help to someone because they are rude, or because they could have prevented themselves from being in the position they are in. That's just the way charities have to work.

[mrsjay]

polite about things* sorry typos

[AgentZigzag]

Thanks DB, apologies for thinking it was your friend who was a judgy twat OP .

(I bloody read the OP twice as well )

[Birdsgottafly]

YABU.
You give a anti discriminatory service when working in social care (or rather you should).

You are also trained to realise the effect of stress/MH/SN and the way that, that may effect the way in which the person communicates.

Why are you with her at work if you are not prepared to keep confideniality and not post on internet forums, you are not cut out to be privy to this information.

You are putting people into deserving and underserving catagories that the charity obviously doesn't follow,that is therir criteria and no doubt your friend will know this and their mission statement.

If you don't agree with it,then you have the choice not to work there. The charity has been set up to follow a purpose let it do so.

[forward]

I wasn't with her at work , she has a 24hr mobile to take these calls.

FGS, my friend, who works there didn't comment on his circs (or manners) at all, just did what needed doing.

I, clearly, am not cut out for this type of work and don't do it. I have however, raised and awful lot of money for this charity and it did make me a bit to see how some of it is spent. I know however, that I am in the wrong to feel like that and think I tried explain that in my OP

[inkyfingers]

It's her job, let her deal with it. She's got the training and approach to sort it. Worry about someone else.

[AgentZigzag]

Does your friend know how little compassion you have OP?

[Birdsgottafly]

Why are you doing charity work, raising money, when you assume that those that need help are spending their money on booze and fags .

There are lots of reasons why people need emergancy help, especially with the 'sanctioning' of benefits without good reason.

[forward]

Well, Birds, I was assuming the money goes to those really in need, but having met this man yesterday and heard from my friend about another case where she went to take a food parcel to be met my man with fag in hand, I'm beginning to wonder.

I don't have little compassion at all, I spend loads of time helping others gladly - I don't like to see someone I'm fond of being abused for doing the right thing.

[AgentZigzag]

Should she be discussing who she helps with you OP?

How did the conversation get round to her disclosing the other man she helped had a fag in his hand?

You're not saying you don't like the charity because your friend gets abused because you've brought fags and booze into the equation, which would be the last things on my mind if I was worried about a friend getting an earful.

[Birdsgottafly]

Well at least they are paying their way in taxes. They could be home growing their veg and making their own clothes, then were would our capitalist society be?

Your friend chooses to do that and is an adult, you don't need to defend her whilst she is doing her job.

It takes a certain person to work with challenging people, the help given and who to, isn't really something that should be dictated by those that cannot do the job.

[Fanjover]

YABU, although well-meaning.

A good charity will appreciate that people who are desperate are often anything but polite.