AIBU to want my bed space kept free?

[SenoritaViva]

DC2 was born 5 weeks ago, since then I've been sleeping in his room.

DH started to let DD1 (age 4 1/2) sleep in our bed. Previous to this DD had no problems in staying in their own bed until morning and never came into our room at night unless she needed something important.

I would like my room back. I'd like to be able to go into my bedroom when I come to bed (have access to my wardrobe etc.) and stop camping out in the baby's room with regards to my clothes. I'd also like the option of getting into my own bed if I'm having a good night (when he's sleeping in the cot and not with me) or the baby is snuffling so much he's keeping me awake (I don't really want to turn this into a co sleeping argument but he can't be in our bed because DH smokes and he's huge and has to go into a bigger cot this week as the crib is getting small - hits his hands on the sides which wakes him up and there is hardly any floor space in our bedroom). I haven't yet had to wake DH in the middle of the night to ask for help (he helps in other ways) but I'm less likely to if I think it's going to wake DD.

DD is very upset that I have said I might be using my bed and I'd like her to sleep in her own bed, says she'll be lonely etc. DH feels the same and likes having her there.

He wanted to know whether this is a territorial thing for me and I suppose there is a bit of me that feels my freedom of choice has been taken away.

I also worry that the longer we let DD sleep in our room the harder it will be for her to readjust to sleeping alone which DH says is rubbish. He probably has a point.

AIBU and a bit uptight?

[PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom]

No YANBU and your DH sounds a bit weird - he "would miss a 4 yr old in his bed" and then said you his wife, are "territorial"..
I expect I'll be roundly flamed any minute now, but oh ewww no, just no. That remark about territory would have me livid.

[thenightsky]

If your DH smokes and is huge how come your DD prefers to sleep in with him?

[SenoritaViva]

Sorry, sleep deprived and not clear.

The BABY is huge not DH!!!

[SenoritaViva]

(but obviously DH is the smoker not the baby)

[squeakytoy]

your daughter needs to be in her own room.. all this bedswapping for the last few weeks was ridiculous... and will have confused her..

[SenoritaViva]

PomBear DH is not weird I think he just thinks if the bed is empty (which probably likely to be) then why not.

I've been struggling a bit with DD and so the territorial thing does make some sense but it's probably a whole other thread...

[pictish]

Why don't you all just sleep in your own beds?

[MateyMooo]

my dd said to us ' its not fair, you and daddy are grownups and you get to sleep together. i'm only little and i have to sleep on my own. How is that fair?'

Had to explain that she was lucky to have her own bed ( i bedshared with my sister till i left home) but i can see her point of view

[ChasTittyBeltUp]

Why don't you move the babies cot/crib to your bedside? That's the usual arrangement then if you are breastfeeding and DH wants a peaceful night...HE can use the babies room.

If you are bottle feeding then same arrangement depending on who is on feeding duty.

[totallypearshaped]

Your DH needs to lose weight, really, and get some nicorette gum: he's no use to anyone dead from a heart attack, throat cancer, or diabetes. Get him a camp bed until he sorts himself out.

Your DD needs to go to her own bed, not sleep in your bed, she's a child, not a wifey shape substitute for your DH, and you need to absolutely suit yourself - you sound stressed out.
Now, breathe, and have a cuppa, your OWN cuppa.

[ChasTittyBeltUp]

It's "fair" because you are adults and she is a child. we have to go to work and do all the housework...so we get to choose more.

[maybenow]

i think your DH should just suck it up and 'be lonely' because the longer your DD sleeps there the more difficult it's going to be for her to go back to sleeping alone.

AND your DH brought this on himself so he should do the 'training' to ease her back into sleeping in her own bed.

[SenoritaViva]

Aaah thank you, I'm not mad.

DD does think it's not 'fair' that we get to share a bed.

There isn't space in our room for the baby's cot.

I repeat DH is NOT huge ! In fact he's rather streamlined. He has almost given up smoking and is using that gum but I still don't want to risk it as he has one or two.

DH has just arrived with cup of tea and he put DD to bed (in her bed), dealing with all the tears.

[inkyfingers]

I know 'co-sleeping' can be massively controversial and I've heard it all before, but me and DH have always wanted our own bed (yes, it's our's), own space and as much privacy as 3 DCs allow. They have their beds and their own rooms (have shared when younger). Even getting up in night etc was a pain but I always liked the fact I had my bed and my things around. Camping out in another bedroom sounds crap - like you've been pushed out.

Get back in there and restore some sense in your DH and some proportion in family relationships. Who's in charge?

[ChippingInLovesEasterEggs]

Did he put DD in her own bed because he saw sense or because you told him he had to? I'd be making sure that he didn't tell her it was what you wanted, but that it was best for her.

[totallypearshaped]

lifechanger - surely you mean a bull, or a bullock - a heifer is a virginal cow .
Sorry OP I thought you meant he was massive - as in overweight.

All other things stand though.

Fight for your rights to your own space!
Set the boundaries with your DD, but don't forget she's not 'a big girl' now - she's only 4. It will be best for her to think she has a right to a childhood, and is not just a wifey substitute for your Dp whilst you look after the baby.

Good luck with it.

[AKMD]

YANBU. You shouldn't have to fight to use your own bed

Your DD has her bed, your DH has your joint bed and you are temporarily in the baby's room (sometimes in the joint bed too). Issue?

[duckdodgers]

It all sounds a bit of a bed shuffling mess really and agree that your DD will be confused. I'm not going into the benefits/disadvantages of co-sleeping but surely that should be a joint decision not at the exclusion of partner!

Ok the cot might not have fitted in your room but was there really no room for a moses basket? What do you mean re struggling with your DD?