AIBU to let my secondary school (yr 7)child do his homework, Badly, by Himself. Warts and all.

[swanriver]

I've tried helping. It helps. He understands better what he has to do. He has developed confidence in his ability to write Good Stuff. He has worked out how to draw, how to budget, how to research, how to present projects. He has a better grasp of some topics than he otherwise might have had.

But, I can't go on helping him. Can I?

We've just finished budgeting a trip for Maths homework. I had to make him rewrite some of it as it was such a mess. I knew teacher would make comment "untidy work" , and he would shrug and think..I don't care, I can't do what they want...

Perhaps I should have just let him hand it in..

Would teachers give a child enough individual attention to actually turn their work around (rather than just grade his work), if I don't pay attention to it? Is it my responsibility to motivate him or the teachers?

[RainboweBrite]

My DS is only in Y4, but for the most part, I don't help with homework. I remind him he needs to do his reading or spellings, and I might play a Maths. game with him or reinforce methodology, but as far as I'm concerned, it should be his own work. If the work is all correct because we parents have "helped", are we really doing the children and teachers any favours? I think most teachers would like to be aware of any misconceptions the children have, so they can help them and reinforce understanding if necessary.

[wellymelly]

In an ideal world, our children would come home from school, be motivated and studious and willing to give up their time to sit and work and parents wouldn't have to be involved. This is completely unrealistic - it is the minority who will do this without parents nagging...some parents have the time to help their children get organsised without it becoming an issue. I fear though the likelihood is that most people don't have the time and most of us don't have the tools ourselves to help our children because we are not teachers. AND most children of primary school age want to come home and enjoy some free time or sport activity...BUT I think setting goals are important because yr7 boys, in particular, may lack the maturity to set their own reasonable challenges and in my experience, if you leave it to the school by the time you realise its not working it will be too late. By the way reading with kids is great. My y7 DS still loves to read aloud because its quality time. He also loves me reading to him, which I do, ( not that he would admit to friends!!)

[Whathashappenedtomyboobs]

Hi, apologies I haven't ready every post but I felt like I needed to add something. My DS isn't school age yet but I'm really writing from my own experience of being at school and the struggles I had with homework.

I was the youngest in my year, I was and I'm not ashamed to say it, a slow learner. I was often sent home with homework that I really didn't understand and bullied by some teachers who where frustrated with me. Without my mum spending every evening with me helping me with my home work/reading beautiful books I would probably failed miserably in all exams. Don't get me wrong she didn't do the work for me but she broke it down so that I actually understood what I was ment to be doing.

[SpamMarie]

Part of the point of homework is teaching organisation skills, self-discipline, a work ethic and how to solve one's own problems. Clearly parents should help explain something if the kid wants more information, but I really think children should be left to do the figuring out and writing up homework themselves. If it is that big of a struggle, the teacher needs to be alerted to this fact, which they won't be if mummy and daddy's handiwork is spot-on.

For the record, my mother is a teacher. She taught me loads, and even gave us school work to do during the summer holidays, but she never helped us on specific homework assignments. She said, the teacher wants to see how well you can do it, not how well I can. You can't be hovering over them while they're sitting their exams, so best get used to it now!

[wellymelly]

Its interesting what you say, Iheartkingthistle about it being ok for parents to help dc to THEIR best...that is easier said than done...my ds y7 thrived y3 then just came to grinding halt during y4 - h/w became such an issue because of creative learning - writing complex sentences for spelling (he could learn those in 5 mins) and extended topic work. School decided to scrap teaching literacy separately from other subjects combining all - students expected to work independently ending in a project.DS loves worksheets and structure so this is very difficult for him. I hear this about lots of boys it does put those dc at a dissadvantage. Thank goodness he has now moved on but I know he will have lots of this type of extended topic style work to do in secondary school nearer GCSEs. Hoping that by spending some time with him now (using bribery) going over learning some planning techniques, (these were taught and he knows them but refuses to use them) he will finally accept that it will help him. In this case ds knows the theory but when left to do his own thing will write something that a y2 could produce - because nobody tells him that they believe he is capable of more. And, dare I say it - it is just bad habits and ...well..I know we are not supposed to use the word...but its laziness. I don't feel that teaching staff will know the child well enough to recognise if they are underachieving due to lack of will or lack of ability. Apols for rambling on a bit. bumblebee useful - to make a note and where I feel that DS has made no effort am tempted to also make a note, so they know it is not his best effort! What do you think? Internet nightmare because as soon as back is turned he has snuck off to games!

My DS has been using BBC Bitesize - they have KS2, 3, 4 etc with small interactive revision activities in science, English, Maths, -DS loves it!:)

[CaidenTaylor]

Looks like most folk on here need some homework with their English - DD1, DS?? Can't they type/spell properly? Lol. Of course children need assistance with their homework if needs be, it's common sense. ;)

[Solopower]

Oh how I hate homework! I really don't think children under 14 should have to do it at all. They should lengthen the school day instead and let the kids do it all before they come home.

The only good thing about homework is that it provides some families - the unrushed, well-organised, happy ones - a chance to spend time together with their kids engaged in interesting projects and lovely, healthy bonding sessions. But they would do this anyway, even if the kids had no homework.

For the rest of us, it's a nightmare. But what I hate most about it is that it is so unfair. On top of all of society's inequalities, this is surely one that would be so easy to remove. Some kids have no paper, books or pencils in the house, nowhere quiet to work and no-one to encourage them. Others have a mummy or daddy who do it all for them (not that that always helps them in the long run, as others have pointed out). How is that fair?

[betterwhenthesunshines]

I've also found it's a huge help to have an analogue ( ie with a proper clock face, not a digital) clock on the table right in front of DS yr 5. That way he can actually see the time he has to complete the work in.

I do check he knows what he has to do, how to start it off and if needed show him how to plan it out. Working through maths probs, or questions is fine but I think at this age they do still needed to be guided in how to approach their work. And that should be a partnership with the school. It doesn't mean you are doing their work for them.

I also used to nag correct him when it was complete mess, but now it's much better of that kind of comment comes form the teachers!

[chobbler]

Her 'work table' is in the same room as mine so she can use my computer to access the internet etc. It is part office part craft mayhem at the moment. She often uses the kitchen table if I am downstairs when she is doing her work.

I get fully involved when needed- like when DS had been ill and not caught up and had been sent home with something she hadn't really grasped because she wasn't there for the lessons, but if I do get involved to the point of re explaining I let the teacher know. The teacher also sends her missed work home as additional work so when that happens I do sit with her but the teacher knows this will be happening.

I check her work after it is complete if she is unsure and wants me to, but it is more that she brings her 20 questions over and I say you have so many correct, are you happy with that? and if not she takes it away and looks at it again. I do not tell her which ones she has right.

I won't tell her the answer she has to find it herself, but I will aid her answer finding. By pointing her in the right direction, she remembers where to go next time and is asking less and being more independent in her work. Also we have created a homework shelf in the bookcase that has the fact books on it, by keeping them together it helps her find them.

I look up spellings alongside her just to make sure she actually gets to the right one in her ACE dictionary. As I think going to all that effort to find the right spelling but put the wrong one in ( like though and thought, here and hear) is counter productive. By looking it up she has shown her willingness to get it right.

For all homework I remind the evening before the deadline evening and ask if has gone in her bag to go to school.

Art and Craft homework I usually end up sitting with her as it just gets bigger and messier and further from the given task if she is left to her own devices. I make an excellent pritt stick and scissor holder.

She is only KS2 but I would like her to never be afraid to ask for help and guidance when she is having problems, we have already had issues in the past and I have to be mindful of those skeletons whenever work comes home. But I know of other children in her class who have their parents helping them by providing actual answers and that helps no-one.

[swanriver]

activate if the homework is research, it is not testing child's ability to understand classwork, as it's something they haven't done yet. As I said, I don't generally intervene with work that's an extension of class work, exercises etc.
I agree that project type work is testing the child's ability to do independent research. But I suppose what I'm discussing is where a child finds the resources for independent research, without parental input on some level. I don't feel that schools provide the resources, and that ultimately they are expecting us to come up with information.

For example my child has a project on Beethoven. Are they taken off the school library and shown the music section? So they can browse some ideas? Perhaps take some books home? No.

It seems churlish to suggest this to school. I have after all a local library, I have the internet. I have books on my own shelves. I have classical cds. But all of that is my input as a parent, and it is clear that this is what the school WANTS.

But I completely agree that dictating my child's Beethoven project just because I think Beethoven is about x y z is probably not the point. Still, deep down I want him to know the facts about Beethoven, and not write regurgitated misunderstood info from Wiki.

[lechildrenofthecornsilk]

activate - is homework is about identifying a child's area of weakness then it should be differentiated more specifically.
The Op didn't do the homework for her child at all - she encouraged him to redo it making a greater effort - many teachers do this in class. She is sending him the message that she will support his teachers in ensuring that her ds works to the best of his ability by intervening.

[EssentialFattyAcid]

If one to one sessions are highly beneficial to children and they don't get this at school then surely getting it at home with a parent can be a good thing?

We don't live in an ideal world where all teachers have sufficient time to spend on each individual student. In the real world children receive scarcely any individual attention. For some kids that doesn't matter much and for others it matters a great deal.

[Janacek]

my real moan is about the project homeworks. DS are good at doing the "normal" homework and do it independently with a bit ofnagging from me. The projects ( nearly always in the holidays when I think they should be playing) are impossible for them to do alone and ends up with me making models and sewing stuff whilst they either have a tantrum or run off having lost interest. Parents turn up at school proudly displaying the creation their DC has made ( yeah right) and each term becomes more and more competitive which ridiculously last year ended up with a dad proudly displaying a ship made out of matchsticks! I refuse to have our holidays ruined any more by this complete waste of time and energy and place a pile of crafty stuff on te kitchen table and give them half an hour to make a relevant model. Grrrr.

[activate]

No homework is about 1) testing child's understanding of classwork 2) testing child's ability to extrapolate from classwork 3) identifying areas of weakness for planning for that child 4) teaching child a work ethic, an ability to self-motivate

Life is about education

it's 2 different things

Schools do not set homework for parents. They want the child to do it and the parents to facilitate the doing of it.

[CaidenTaylor]

Of course you can. We are our children's peers, role models, and firstly teachers. We are constantly teaching our children. Why leave it to strangers and society. That is what homework is all about - parents and children learning together. Best of luck x

[activate]

I think you're doing the wrong thing

You need to let him do his own work

You need to trust the school to realise where he's failing

He needs to learn self-discipline and self-motivation which means fail if you don't do well enough

This should have started in primary school - early

Start it now

You give him a good place to do work, a drink, a snack - you encourage him to do it - encourage him to check - ask him if it's good enough and let him fail or succeed on his own

[spiderpig8]

NotnowImreading 'my mum's sheer bloody mindedness and helping/forcing him to do his homework until it was actually decent'

Well I have to say that is a very high risk strategy to take which would have put many boys off education for life!!

[IHeartKingThistle]

How is assessing them fairly doing anything to the 'poor kids'? I can't believe how many times I have had to say this on this forum, but I'll say it again: apart from a few exceptions, teachers are working in the best interests of the students.

And as has been established on this thread, there are MANY different degrees of helping!

[sukysue]

Oh why do the schools do this to the poor kids? I think if he needs help then you should give it him. Next time you see any of his peers parents ask them about the homework . I bet if they are honest they will tell you the same about their kids homework all the best m'dear it gets worse!

[EssentialFattyAcid]

I have had to ban severely ration TV in order to create the time for all the homework
This has been an all round success

[mouldyironingboard]

The other thing that makes a huge difference with homework is having the time to complete it properly. Many children seem to be rushing to extra activities every night after school and are too tired to do homework.

[IHeartKingThistle]

Apple don't you think getting one message from school and one from home might not be the best idea?

The first 2 years at secondary school (although they are more relaxed than the others) are for building up their skills and reading lots. With the English GCSE so huge we now have to start it in Year 9, they need to be in the habit of working effectively and efficiently way before then. I applaud your sentiment but they're not going to feel very rested and loved if they're in detention every week for not doing their homework.

[notnowImreading]

My adopted brother came to live with my family aged nine, unable to read or write, very dyslexic plus having had a disrupted and difficult time. He had lots of help from school but the thing that helped the most was my mum's sheer bloody mindedness and helping/forcing him to do his homework until it was actually decent. He's at university now and it's a miracle. Parental help really helps. Maybe you could just help with the first bit then encourage at a distance for the rest if it's too much stress though - I do remember the battles every Sunday! He still loves my mum though.

[Applegirl33]

The first two years at secondary school are not very important in my view. I've never taken any interest in homework - and they've done really well academically despite this (or because of it).

Let them relax and enjoy themselves. If they hand nothing in for their projects then so be it. Teachers need to get a grip and stop setting silly homework. A stressed, tired kid cannot learn - none of us can. Our memory disappears when tired. Adults do not expect to do detailed/brain intensive work in their evenings after a long day, so why should kids.

So relax, take it easy and then if they're not progressing by next Easter or summer, organise some intensive coaching/tutoring over the hols when they're less tired.

Concentrate on the basics - maths, reading and writing. Everything else can be crammed at a later date. Ours spent 3 years learning French at school but the results were very poor indeed. A week of one hour tuition per day over the Easter hols with a native French speaker and results were stellar.

To be able to learn kids need to be rested, fed and loved.

[woodleydoodle]

I think showing an interest, providing encouragement, praise, quiet, and carrots/less carroty things are cool. Task clarification is fine. Much more than that I'd write a comment on the work. If the work took much longer than the 'expected' time, I'd def mention. I'd view my very active participation to be (hopefully) constructive comments for the teacher. Unless child had a suspected/identified LD I wouldn't proof read/help identify spelling errors for example.