To think families that work get a bum deal

[accurate]

AIBU to think that if you want want to work, get a house, have a family then everythings against you. I feel ashamed to think it, raised outside by very accepting, hardworking lower middle class parents and hating strong rightwing views but I feel a bit hurt and jealous of those that can get so much by not working.

I can't help to feel upset that my DH and I will never own a home, squirrelling away to raise a family, idea of childcare in the coming months/years makes me breakout into tears. I feel ashamed sometimes that I spent so much of my time in uni and work experience only to cram my family into a small flat despite the nice London job.

Why is it so impossibly to work for things and get a break in life or am I just being unreasonable?

[ByTheWay]

We took the big decision that I would quit work for the early years, and go part time when they went to school - best decision ever....

Yep it is hard - but we now own (with mortgage - in an expensive town) and the kids are at school now so the costs have come down and I feel we can breathe! With 2 kids, childcare was going to take up 80% of my wages anyhow, and transport for me to get to and from work would take another 12% - so no-brainer.

I would cost out things very carefully and see if it is actually worth working if childcare is costing so much as to be that bothersome. Childcare, transport, food and "nice" work clothing etc would have taken all my wages anyhow.

[Pootles2010]

Its a nice thought bytheway, and certainly couldn't talk for OP, but for us, there is no way I could give up work.

We also don't get tax credits, however we are both in the childcare voucher scheme- worth looking into?

[lovecorrie]

Totally agree. It is horrible to be struggling when you should be getting some kind of financial satisfaction from being a good honest and hard working person. Sadly, doesn't work. Don't want to go into my own circumstances,as have previously, but we are, suffice to say, in that kind of position.

[2shoes]

accurate sorry I was wrong.

[lesley33]

Sometimes I wish I could go back to my younger self and say it really does get easier. We used to massively struggle financially, lived in a rented place that was horrible and seemed to have less money than families on benefits.

But when the children went to school chilcare costs reduced and as we both got older me and my OH started to move up and earn more. Now we are fairly well off, have holidays abroad and live in a lovely place.

And all the research shows that DC who come from homes where parents do paid work, fare much better than homes where no one works. So you really are doing the best for your children.

[InMyPrime]

It's fair to say that life is an uphill struggle these days if you just want to be a normal person who works, pays your bills and has a family and a home of your own. It is hard when you get to around 30 and realise that you've spent the whole of your 20s being careful and responsible to do what you're told is the right thing by sacrificing money to get an education, waiting to plan a family, saving up for a house and being 'responsible'. Then you realise you're 10 years in and it's been an uphill struggle all the way for very modest a gain... . It does make you wonder why life is still so hard when you have done all the 'right' things that society tells you to do.

I wouldn't focus your anger on people on benefits though: I'd focus on the huge wealth inequalities in our society that have become worse in the last few years. The cost of living is going up all the time but incomes are stagnating and it's harder and harder to get and keep a good job. People on benefits are at the bottom of a fairly shaky ladder and are just maximising their chances to get what they can in life. They don't cost much on the grand scale of things.

It's handy for the Daily Mail et al to convince us middle-earners that we should focus on the poor but really we need to look up the ladder to the top 1% who don't want to pay their fair share of taxes and active lobby the government to dismantle social safety nets even further, reducing workers' rights, reducing or avoiding regulation on landlords or property investors and increasing the debt and tax burden on everyone except themselves. We currently have socialism for the rich and free market economics for the rest of us. That's what you need to focus on rather than some chavs who get the privilege of a damp council flat to live in and maybe an extra few hundred pounds a month if they pretend they have a bad back.

[GypsyMoth]

Sorry, but don't you get child benefit? And working tax credit? And childcare vouchers? Thought those were universal or FOR 'working families'? No?

[muminthecity]

I don't understand why people think being on benefits is such a jolly holiday. It's not, it's horrible and miserable. I have been on them for a few months while looking for work. As a single parent I get around £100 per week to live off. Out of this I have to pay for gas, electric, phone, tv license, water rates, an old loan that I'm still paying off, food, clothes, birthday presents etc. I never have a penny left over for any kind of treat/luxury. Thankfully, I am in the fortunate position of having generous family and friends to help out and a job to start in September. Many are not so fortunate.

[LadyFlumpalot]

Yup, I agree with the OP - My DF and I "earn" too much between us to qualify for any help. At the moment I am on M/L - still in the nine months paid bit. I will be going back to work at the end of the nine months. Every little last bit of my salary will be swallowed up by childcare/travel so essentially I will be working for nothing, we will be worse off than we are now and we will have to pay our rent, utilities, bills etc out of one wage which we won't be able to.

No, we don't live in a mansion. We pay £600 a month rent.

I want to go back to work, I enjoy my job. I'm good at it. The situation sucks.

[Pootles2010]

Have you looked into childcare vouchers LadyFlump?

[cricketballs]

ILoveTIFFANY the only benefit that working parents definitely get is child benefit all the others including tax credit etc are income dependant.

As I said before, a few years ago we were earning £10 too much to claim any tax credits etc and therefore we had to fund all costs ourselves which did cause us great hardship.

muminthecity no one is saying that being on benefits is a holiday just that sometimes, at the end of the month you can wonder why on earth you are out of the house for 10 hours to earn a wage which doesn't cover the bills.....

[lesley33]

I don't think most people think it is a holiday. But if you are low paid then you can be better off financially being unemployed. Not so much because of the main benefits, but because of the other things it gives access to e.g. free school meals, free dental treatment, etc.

[itisnearlysummer]

worraliberty Totally agree with you.

My dad's mortgage on a 4 bed detached house that he bought in 2000 is 1/3 of the rent we pay on a 3 bed matchbox!

This is a cause of heated discussion between myself, DH and our siblings/friends. We can pretty much draw a line between ourselves/friends and divide them into the have/haven't boughts by their year of birth / whether they went to uni or not (generally those who didn't go to uni have bought and those who did haven't based on the time they were in a position to buy) / whether they had parental help or not.

I don't know whether we will ever be able to buy. Our DS has already asked if we will be able to help him buy somewhere and he's 12! It never entered my head at his age!

[welshbyrd]

And the Housing Benefit lesley. I know rent is the biggest chunk of my out-goings.

Im by no means against any benefits, as I previously posted.Nor do I think they get an easy ride - how compared to me, they have the security of not losing their home.{Rented]
If my DH gets crap hours, or is ill, we still have to pay the rent, else we would lose our home

[LadyFlumpalot]

I have pootles2010 and it is with those that I think we can just, and I mean just scrape by.

One thing I do know is that I can forget having my own car again, or ever managing to save up for a deposit, or paying for the wedding we wanted for a very, very long time.

[fanjobanjowanjo]

fanjo and 2shoes... Why is it a benefit-bashing thread? OP is justifiably upset. It is very difficult for working people to get a foot on the ladder with no safety net either. Why post just to call OP on benefit-bashing, which she isn't as far as I can see.

I asked a question, I didn't make a statement.

[itisnearlysummer]

lesley33 - I think you have hit the nail on the head there.

• being able to buy your children's clothes for next year in the sale whilst you still have the choice of sizes.
  

• 'whoops' offers in the supermarkets.
  

• rushing and stressing to get everything done to maintain the facade of a work/life balance, if not the reality.
  

A life on benefits is no life of riley and having lived on benefits and worked, I know which I prefer. But I also know which was easier....

[GypsyMoth]

well surely if you dont meet the threshold for wtc and childcare voiuchers,then you are earning enough and living beyond your means?

[Pootles2010]

Your situation sounds similar to ours LadyFlump, they do help. We can't afford a wedding either and yet Tories would like to count that against us as well

[itisnearlysummer]

Tiffany, not all employers offer childcare vouchers and not all childcare providers accept them.

We don't qualify for wtc and we certainly don't live beyond our means, we definitely struggle.

[Pootles2010]

You'd think so wouldn't you Tiffany? Sadly not the case at all for many.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Sorry, Fanjo, your post was just a question, albeit one that normally leads to the 'benefit brandishers' taking their posts.

[itisnearlysummer]

I suppose the biggest gripe I have is this - and I will admit I don't yet know how this will be affected with the recent changes to tuition fees and the payment methods but,

until the recent change at least, we rent and would have had to pay fully for our DCs university education, yet our home owning, benefit claiming peers wouldn't.

And that did piss me off!

[GypsyMoth]

university is free for benefit claimants?? you sure?