To expect the school to do something about this kid?

[Bizkit]

DS told me at dinner time last night that a child in his class hit him round the face twice yesterday
They are 8yr olds and we've had problems with this boy before.
A few months back we had a few incidents, kicking,pushing, then he got punched in the stomach, this child has used threatening behaviour, asked his mates to hit my son for him and swears quite a bit I think.
We told the teachers of these incidents and it seemed not much was done, to be fair I dont think my DS always told the teachers as he was worried of getting in trouble if he intrupted the teacher.
The last straw was when this kid put his hands round my sons throat. We wrote a letter to the head teacher and had a few meetings and things seemed to be getting better, they were fully aware of this child and other parents had made complaints. He was put on report and I think his every move was watched they had an extra support teacher in the class alot.

Also like to add this was all in the time my son was going through a diagnosis for epilepsy and we didnt know much about his condition yet.

Things have been quiet recently and I thought this kid was getting better until a few weeks back one of the parents told me he was back on report cos he was giving her son grief.

Now Ive gone and spoke to the class teacher about yesterdays incident and Im totally hacked off that she didnt seem that bothered and then said well your son didnt have a great day either kicking mud at people....err hello not quite the same seriousness is it?
Im going to try and speak to the head teacher when I pick my daughter up from nursery but I get a feeling that they keep making excuses for this boy and seems to flip the blame onto my son.
They have said before that my son says silly things like so so has a girlfriend and it winds this other kid up and he needs to stay away from him.

Yesterday apparently this kid just came up to my son said why have you been calling me dumbo, pushed him then slapped him!

Am I being unreasonable to think this is totally unacceptable no matter what my son has said to him??

[ragged]

[The school's]bullying motto is 'talk to each other' let the kids sort it between themselves, which obv isnt working.

That can't be right, you said he's on report, they must have more of an anti-bullying strategy/policy than you've described.

DS doesn't have AS but he wouldn't hesitate to thump people for giving him verbal grief; he still insists this is best policy, he's sure that it stops them teasing him again. And sometimes he would seemingly whack somebody out of nowhere, but it was always in revenge for something.

You can do the most about your child in this situation, OP, getting him to ignore rather than tease or say/do unkind things to the boy is something he can do.

[TheLadyEvenstar]

I wouldn't have said your DS sounds scared tbh nor any of the others who you openly admit wind this boy up. If anything I would say they are getting pleasure out of the situation until they have to face the comeback from it.

[knittedbreast]

have you considered speaking to the other boys parents in the playground?

[worraliberty]

It certainly doesn't sound as though your DS is scared of this boy.

[Henwelly]

Have you tried talking to his mum?

[Bizkit]

He doesnt continue to wind him up no


Yes Ive told him about saying silly things and I think the teacher has had a quiet word aswell,and just told him its best not to play with him, when all this was kicking off a few months back.

Yes the school put him on report, and all went a bit quiet until I found out from another parent he was back on report. I dont know how many times he has been on/off report and Im not sure of what would happen if this continues to not have any affect, I will probably ask that when I see them later. I was told being on report mean he would have a book that goes to every class he is in and everything is logged and then discussed at the end of the week and his parents would be seeing it, thats all.

I do get the impression alot of the kids in that class are scared of him.

So my DS and probably others in the class have been told to be careful round this boy, dont say anything that might upset him, but its ok for this boy to be verbally abusive towards other children, he's threatned to beat my son up after school..which was quite shocking to hear, thats something I'd expect high school age kids to be saying.
He has also called my son names and called his sister fat, and something about my boobs.
He also gets his table in trouble, by not doing as he is told, therefore losing 'stars' for that table and then saying 'I dont give a shit'

He may well have special needs, but so does my son, he has epilepsy and is getting whacked round the face and pushed over fgs, we dont know if that may trigger a full blown seizure, Im waiting for the day I find out :-(

And again can I just say, he is not constantly winding him up , he's said a few silly things months ago, but alot of these incidents were totally unprovoked,as they are with the other children.

Ive just spoken with the stage leader and she says she will investigate what went on. I told her that the class teacher had told me this morning that my son had been kicking mud, and said that if they told me that yesterday it would of been dealt with, its a separate issue, and I felt like I was only told this to deter the situation, she said I had a valid point.

[TheLadyEvenstar]

They have said before that my son says silly things like so so has a girlfriend and it winds this other kid up and he needs to stay away from him.


This was in the OP.


So yes the OP's son is winding this boy up, knows he is doing it yet continues then complains to mum that the other boy has hit him.

[sausagesandmarmelade]

Bullying takes many forms...name calling, aggression, taunting...it's all bullying.

You need to accept your son is part of the problem (just as these other parents need to) and deal with that in your own way.

Kids can be incredibly cruel....and bullying needs to be stamped out hard and fast by the school (supported by the parents).

My little nephew was recently subjected to bullying by a boy at his school. It had gone on for quite a while...but when it reached a head and all came out the school went 'nuclear' dealing with it very well indeed, impressively so.

Bullying can have a terrible impact on a child...making them fearful, lose their confidence etc.

Hate it....and it needs to be dealt with effectively and rationally.

[JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar]

Am I being unreasonable to think this is totally unacceptable no matter what my son has said to him?

Yes you are. If you wind people up (as your ds apparently did on this occassion, despite knowing to steer clear) you run the risk of getting thwacked. Especially if you and the other person are 8 years old.

I think sometimes it's a perfectly reasonable repsonse tbh. Obviously I wouldn't encourage it and I'd be bollocking the hitter, but I'd certainly empathise.

[worraliberty]

Swallow but there are two lessons to be learned and while the child hitting out is being put on report/punished...the wind up merchant needs to be punished too imo.

[TheLadyEvenstar]

Worra well you did this time


Biddys its terrible isn't it? that our children who on the whole keep themselves to themselves end up being bullied and when they react to the abuse they recieve they are the ones in trouble.

[worraliberty]

That's not like me TLE...I normally type 200 words when 10 will do

[biddysmama]

nojustificationneeded my sons the same, i often get calls home saying "hes hit out at anothe child because... they hit him/they were winding him up/teacing him

he has aspergers and keeps himself to himself but the bullys pick up on that

[TheLadyEvenstar]

Worra you said what I tried to so much simpler!!!

[worraliberty]

*likely

[TheLadyEvenstar]

Another thing - do you know for definate there was no comments made by your son yesterday? not saying there was but kids say things all the time.

[worraliberty]

Whether this child has SN or not is beside the point here.

It would seem from what you're saying OP, that your son likes to 'wind him up and watch him go'

It's not ok for this child to hit in response to being verbally wound up, but at 8yrs old your son will be learning a valuable lesson.

If you wind someone up to get their temper out, you'll very like be on the receiving end of it.

[TheLadyEvenstar]

Bizkit, while I don't agree with this boy hitting your son as there is no need for violence, If your son is/has deliberatly wound this boy up and continued to do so regardless of knowing the boy will hit out. Then I think your DS needs to learn to stop.

As I have told DS from early on

"Every action has a reaction"

I have to say I hate the way schools brush bullying under the carpet and that I personally would be writing to the head and copying to the governors. I spent years with DS being bullied simply because he was different.

[Bizkit]

Ok my son is not going round hitting and name calling this kid!
Ive been told he said silly things like so and so's your gf, and kids say the same to him..the whole bloomin class says silly things like that, and he has never hit back or hit at all for that matter.
He is not constantly winding this child up, he sits the opposite side of the class and doesnt play with him, we have had no incidents for a few months now up until yesterday.

Yes my son is wrong for saying silly things which wind people up and obv theres a limit, but he didnt say anything yesterday it was hearsay.

Also when Ive asked them what would happen if my son hit back, Ive told him not too but his dad says different as he may be in a position to do so if he risks getting badly hurt, my response was we wouldnt condone that he would be in trouble if he did that.
One example, he was pinned down by two other kids one play time who were kicking him,the teacher saw him kick one kid back and he got in trouble for basically defending himself, when he said he's dad told him to hit back if he needed to she told him not to listen to his parents.
Oh right then looks like my son will be used as a punch bag for the rest of his years at this school then!

Seems its okay for this kid to hit my son in response to verbal bullying, but not okay for my son to hit him in response to physical bullying....not that there was any verbal bullying yesterday anyway!

swallowedAfly you've hit the nail on the head completely, thats how I feel.

[thederkinsdame]

Agree NJN. I don't let DS get away with anything, as he has to learn the appropriate way to behave, but I'm always gobsmacked at the number of parents who will happily stand back and watch their kid be a really little sh1t to my son (hitting him, name calling etc) then start tutting when he shouts back.