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AIBU?

to think somebody should speak to me whether or not their wife is there?

41 replies

BadTasteFlump · 20/07/2011 12:02

Whenever I see this dad on the school run we say hi (as I do to lots of people). Sometimes we have a quick chat. We both help with school trips sometimes and recently walked round together during one of them - we were the only 'helpers' there who weren't teachers. We have a bit of banter because our children (and us) support opposing football teams and always have a laugh about it. I also say hi to his wife, although I don't know her very well as she doesn't usually do the school run.

Anyway, last week there was a class assembly. I went and so did this mans' wife. We ended up sitting next to each other and having a quick chat. Then a strange thing happened. She had been saying her H was going to try to get to the assembly from work. He then turned up at the end, looked over, blushed like mad (it was a very clear blush), then walked out again. She said 'what's up with him?!' and went after him. I walked past them again on the way out and she smiled and said 'see you later', but he just looked down at his feet.

The next few days he was at the school on his own and was normal again, chatting etc. But then this morning there was a school meeting again about new classes. They were both there, and suddenly he's blanking me again. She was fine.

So why would somebody think they can only speak to you if their wife's not there? He's never been flirty with me nor I him. And she doesn't seem like the type of woman who wouldn't let her H talk to anyway - she seems really nice actually.

So AIBU?

OP posts:

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harrietthespook · 20/07/2011 13:41

I have had this experience with work colleagues, one guy in particular. It's been okay because I am also friends with the wife, alhtough I have to say closer to him now. I am like his sister and he has said a lot of things to me that maybe he shouldn't have. SOmetimes he feels the need to 'brief' me before we meet up...

BadTasteFlump · 20/07/2011 13:38

YES! (Lightbulb moment!)

I won't say what it was as it was very specific and could 'out' me.

But I do remember when we were talking once he told me something about her, which he'd been reminded of by something he saw. It was a bit personal and probably quite embarrasing for her. I said 'blimey does your wife mind you telling people that!'. And he said 'hmm maybe I let my gob run away with me sometimes.'

So maybe that's it.

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harrietthespook · 20/07/2011 13:35

Has he told you something about HER or their family life or his work or whatever that he is afraid YOU might mention? WHich would make her go: "Why on earth did you say that to her?"

harrietthespook · 20/07/2011 13:31

I have told my DH stories about various people from time to time, whether work or parents I know from school, that if I thought there was a good chance of them meeting...I might have been more careful about or remembered to warn him not to say anything before he meets them.

It could be that this is the situation...he told a little story, slightly exaggerated for humorous effect, and he's thinking: shit I hope she doesn't say anything to her.

Or he's said you flirt with him.

Or he's plotting to seduce you.

(In that order.)

FreudianSlipper · 20/07/2011 13:22

yes sadly when you are single you are often viewed with suspicion, and single mums are just gagging for it don't you know even when we have our own fb lovers :o

BadTasteFlump · 20/07/2011 13:01

Well TBH I don't notice this much but then I don't have many male friends - other than partners of my friends, which doesn't really count.

What you say is interesting though - my mum is in her 60's but when she became widowed she did notice how some of her friends went all over-protective of their Hs. And she has neighbours like yours - when she moved in the man was really friendly but the woman is really snotty. Maybe we're a family of flirty trollops! (Sorry mum, I don't mean it!)

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FreudianSlipper · 20/07/2011 12:50

i have often found men act differently when their partners are around. i am a bit wary as i know i can be flirty but being single i am also naturally after everyman that is around

i have a neighbour who talks to me but his wife totally blanks me, i am wary of how i talk to him because i sense that she either does not like it or does not like me but i will still be friendly

BadTasteFlump · 20/07/2011 12:46

Nearly said Beardy Wierdy - but stopped myself

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BadTasteFlump · 20/07/2011 12:45

Thank you Beamur

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Beamur · 20/07/2011 12:45

Beardy! LOL (I never use LOL, but just did..)

Beamur · 20/07/2011 12:44

You know there is nothing going on.
Men and women can be friends, but their friendship may manifest itself slightly differently when their partner is there.
I think in an odd way he is respecting his partner by being cooler with you when she is around.
Maybe he does fancy you, but that doesn't mean he would do anything about it.
Doesn't sound sordid to me.

BadTasteFlump · 20/07/2011 12:43

But lying I was never 'on' him

Honestly, he's not even my flirt type - he's a bit beardy. Not that it should make a difference, I know....

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LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 20/07/2011 12:39

Perhaps he's uncomfortable and has spoken to his wife about it, asking her to 'fend you off'...

I don't know, I would say that the wife is well aware of the banter and perhaps her husband has realised it's a bit near the knuckle... anyway, no more banter, he doesn't want it either from the sounds of it.

Just treat them both as normal, like nothing ever happened.

AmaraDresden · 20/07/2011 12:36

LOL! He definitely fancies you! it's possible to not even realise you are flirting with someone as well, my DP is flirty with every female he talks to (even little old ladies) and he doesn't realise it, lucky I knew what he was like before I got with him eh? He's just a very friendly guy and that's why I'm with him. I'm a bit flirty too though.

BadTasteFlump · 20/07/2011 12:35

But Beamur that makes it sound like something sordid is going on, which it definitely isn't! Are we all going to start spouting that old bollocks about men and women never being friends, blah blah?

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BadTasteFlump · 20/07/2011 12:34

But I honestly don't think I do. I know I'm a bit of a flirt sometimes, but I do know when not to because it's inappropriate, ie when talking to a school dad. If anything I probably flirt more when my DH is around, because it's 'safe' then iyswim....

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Beamur · 20/07/2011 12:34

Yup, agree with JeremyVile - your mutual flirting is not to be aired in front of wife.

JeremyVile · 20/07/2011 12:32

Was going to agree that he fancies you but reading the last post, possibly he thinks you flirt with him which is fine but wants to avoid being flirted with in front of his wife?

Beamur · 20/07/2011 12:31

Ha ha! My DP also says I flirt with everyone too. But then so does he.
Which is fine, until you come across someone who doesn't get flirting..

FreudianSlipper · 20/07/2011 12:27

maybe you are part of their sexual fantasy games and his fantasy is not the same as his wife's as hers are really filthy and he is embarrassed by this :o

BadTasteFlump · 20/07/2011 12:27

Thanks Beamur. I will add the other bit now - which may skew my results but there you go.

During conversation with DH I also said 'anyway, I've never even been flirty with him'. And DH said 'bollocks, you flirt with everyone, I don't mind, but you do -even with the postie!' (who is about 70)

DH was messing about, I think.

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Beamur · 20/07/2011 12:23

I wouldn't worry about it too much, he obviously gets on well with you, maybe fancies you, maybe not, but is sensitive to not want his wife to see that. I'm inclined to think he is perfectly happily married, enjoys your company but doesn't want his wife to have any discomfort over it.
I have work friends that I have a very friendly/bit flirty relationship with, but I'm sure if their wives were around they would be a bit cooler - as I would if my DP was there, but that's not to say there is anything remotely untoward going on.
I think by being friendly to his wife too you are doing the absolutely right thing.

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BadTasteFlump · 20/07/2011 12:22

at ShoutyHamster

I love love love your name btw!

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ShoutyHamster · 20/07/2011 12:20

He knows his wife fancies you and can't bear to witness the embarrassment of her cack-handed attempts to seduce you. And he doesn't really want a threesome anyway.

BadTasteFlump · 20/07/2011 12:19

I like the 'warm glow' idea - does that make me a trollop?

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