To think that older people could try to remember what having young children is like?

[HeidiKat]

It was my DH's birthday yesterday, we went out for lunch to a Chinese restaurant, taking 6 month old DD with us. She is usually well behaved and sat fine in her highchair during our starters but started to kick off between courses and by the time our main course came she was in full on meltdown. Me and DH took turns eating and trying to comfort her, cuddling her, walking up and down and pushing her back and forth in the buggy, nothing worked for more than a couple of minutes. The whole time, we were getting filthy looks and comments from two pensioners at the next table, the man said to me at one point could you not take her outside, some of us are trying to enjoy lunch. Taking her outside wasn't really an option as it was chucking it down with rain and it wasn't like we were ignoring her and letting her cry, we were doing our best. I know it's irritating having to listen to other people's baby crying but this is advertised as a family friendly restaurant and surely if you are that precious about it you would eat at home where you are guaranteed peace and quiet.

[youarekidding]

Might add those offers were not whilst he was screaming Might be why he never got to meltdown stage though?

[youarekidding]

writer Tis true, DS was born in Canaries and lived there until he was 2 yo. I always had offers to look after him when in cafes etc just whilst I drank a coffee - you know the ones you down in 3 seconds! We ate out in a local restaurant once a week and the owners 14yo DD would come and take DS for a walk up and down so we could eat from when he was about 6 months and less amused by just watching. She used to just pop down stairs and ask if she sould take him for a wonder - even hen he was asleep. 'Twas a small village mind.

heidi I won't say yabu because you've graciously accepted it. As a parent you live and learn, and learn and learn and .............you get the picture.

[Pagwatch]

Aw op. You must have felt a bit like it was not your call to make as your dh was quite keen on eating out. And you were trying so the whole thing must feel quite unfair.
But other are right (if a little harsh) a screaming unsettled baby needs to be taken home.
Most of us have had to do it. The couple you think have forgotten what it was like were probably thinking 'we would never have persisted with our meal if our baby was yowling'.

I am in Spain four of five times a year. Crying babies get taken out there too.

[lesley33]

YABU You should have taken her outside. And tbh at one time that was a standard response. I can't remember when my children were younger anyone not taking a baby outside in similar circumstances. I think though people are generally more selfish now and this is an example of that.

[Maiavan]

In think instead of to think older people could try to remember what having young children is like perhaps one saying:

To think that assuming its everyone's problem that you demand to sit and have lunch and inflict YOUR unsettled, screaming child on others, and in turn expect them to accept their lunch being ruined, is just bloody rude!

Your child, your choice to parent and accept the sacrifices that sometimes come with that. If you can clearly see that your child is causing strangers distress, pack your lunch up and take your (clearly unhappy) child with you.

[joric]

*too.

[joric]

It's hard because you both need support when your baby cries and cries but people love to coo over a sweet sleeping baby but want to get as far away as possible when they're noisy. I feel for you but think back to how you both would have felt before you became a parent! I feel just as strongly about other situations where others spoil meals - for example, we went to celebrate a birthday in the evening with a group of other adults and next to us was the girls night out from hell- shouting and talking loudly about their di**os etc.. They were all about 40+... god we were pissed off. It's about taking over someone's space.
Don't feel bad though- I'm sure you are disappointed it didn't go well. your meal was spoilt.

[exoticfruits]

Just imagine the thread-a pensioner took my baby so I could eat!

[exoticfruits]

Where I come from no one would have taken a blind bit of notice. In fact I've known strangers to offer to hold a crying child for a short while so parents can eat their food.

You try this in the UK!!! Every so often a thread starts with people bemoaning a stranger even touching a foot. It is so unfair to bring Spain in, mothers in UK wouldn't be happy for someone to take over. They want people to love their DC from a distance! I'm sure that people wouldn't mind so much if they had some control.

[HeidiKat]

We only got starters as it was 2 courses for £7, could have done without them otherwise. Consider me suitably chastened, although I suppose no first time parent does everything right and babies change so quickly, a few weeks ago she would have happily slept through but recently has been a bit more grumpy, I suspect this is the start of teething.

[HowAboutAHotCupOfShutTheHellUp]

YABU, not to mention selfish.

[WriterofDreams]

My Spanish friend and I were talking about this once. I'm Irish BTW. We both found it quite surprising how intolerant people tend to be in the UK of small children. Where I come from no one would have taken a blind bit of notice. In fact I've known strangers to offer to hold a crying child for a short while so parents can eat their food. My Spanish friend was saying it's the same in Spain - it's expected for families to be out and about together and if a baby cries it's just background noise like traffic or road works, nothing to get het up about and certainly nothing to blame the parents for as long as they're not ignoring the child.

So I don't think YANBU at all, but I did expect the answers that you got.

[Zipitydoda]

Agree with everyone else, I would have taken the rest of the meal home. Have done this many times myself, a baby in meltdown is no fun for anyone. I still leave restaurants now if my 3 yr old is playing up.
Also more than 1 course is unrealistically ambitious with a baby IMO.

[exoticfruits]

A sensible solution HeidiKat, glad you took it on board and listened. People pay a lot of money to eat out, they want the atmosphere and to be able to talk. You have to remove a baby who won't settle.

[LolaRennt]

Sorry YABU, They paid for a nice meal out and if they are pensioners money is probably tight and I think you are being unfair. You should have gone in the toilets or gone home. I'd have been pissed of too and I have a 4 1/2 month old infant so have not forgotten what it like!

[HeidiKat]

Ah well you live and learn, I honestly didn't think I WBU but going by general consensus I obviously was. Follyfoot, I don't actually think that spinning it on its head would be daft as I really don't enjoy eating out with DD as it's such a hassle trying to eat and keep her entertained I would have happily got takeaway and eaten at home but DH wanted to eat out as a treat. Learning from this experience I think next time we will wait until evening when babysitters are available and go out without her.

[Andrewofgg]

Not only should you remember before you had DCs: you should think ahead to when they will be bigger children, teenagers who don't want to be with you, and adults - baby-rearing years are a small subset of life and you have to make sacrifices. So, with some regrets and having been in the same position: YABU.

[follyfoot]

I can remember the judgemental stares too, but am afraid I agree with everyone else. If your child is in such a state that she is affecting other people's enjoyment of their meals, which sadly she was, then I think its only reasonable for everyone else in the restaurant that you leave.

I suppose you could spin your last sentence on its head and say that if your child's crying is going to affect the enjoyment of other diners to the extent it obviously did, they you should eat at home. Just as daft, no?

[JudysJudgement]

jeez. if i was in a restaurant with a baby bawling its head off, i would be cross

you are being selfish and unreasonable op

and its nothing to do with older people, any reasonable person would be irritated to have their meals and night out spoiled by a noisy and annoying child

[controlpantsandgladrags]

I would have left too.......sorry OP. A proper full-on meltdown isn't nice for anyone to have to listen to. I've had to do it myself on many occasions in the past and still do from time to time.

[TanteRose]

YABU - she is not a young child, she is a little baby.
Young children can usually sit still and enjoy a meal out.
Little babies cannot. You should have left when the meltdown started.

[meditrina]

If she was having a full on meltdown and could not be consoled then she probably needed to be taken home, poor little thing.

And it isn't fair to other diners to inflict a prolonged disturbance.

[Nanny0gg]

I appreciate you were trying to calm her down, but it clearly wasn't working, and you can't have found it very enjoyable, so why would other people?
When it gets to the point of no return, then you have to ask for a doggy bag and call it a day imo.