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AIBU?

Common Sense!!!

38 replies

Bongobaby · 05/06/2011 17:33

Can anyone out there answer this question. If dc is going to stay with x partner at his place overnight. Is it so wrong for me to know the address of where dc is staying for safety sakes??? Help me out as I,m being told that this will not happen and I don,t have a right to know!!!!

OP posts:

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southofthethames · 05/06/2011 18:13

I would expect both exes should have a right to know where their child is staying at any time, unless either parent has a restraining order (or whatever you call those bans!) against them? That's just for the safety of the child, surely.

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fit2drop · 05/06/2011 18:18

If cafcas are happy that the child(ren) are in safe hands with the other parent the I do not see why OP HAS to have an address. Cafcas, judges and solicitors do not make these decisions lightly. They obviously think its in the childs best interest.
Definately you should have a phone contact number, but the address is not really anyones business.

tidydancer why is it assumed its him playing silly games.He could very well have good reason to not want his childs mother any where near his address. We do not know the background . OP could be trying to sabotage his new life (not accusing you OP, just giving an example of why people who work in childs interest would refuse an address to the mother)

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Takeresponsibility · 05/06/2011 18:27

I can't believe that there are two pages of people saying you have a right to know and you should refuse to let the children go if you don't have the info.

Legally you have no right to know. When the children are with their Father he has responsibility for them and you have to accept that he gets to choose where they stay, what they eat and who they see. The same applies when they are with you.

If you feel he cannot look after them then you will have to go to court to rearrange his contact visits, perhaps making them supervised visits only.

He is as equal a parent as you are, Cafcass, the Judge and solicitor are right. The Mumsnetters, lovely as thay may be are just plain wrong on this one.

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Bongobaby · 05/06/2011 18:53

my dc is six years old and has not had contact with her father for four years. im now being told that dc will go for two nights contacts. im choosing to tell you the facts not the bits i think you want to hear!!! I am her mother and have been her one consistant. And to me cafcass and so on are the random strangers in dc life. making decisions like this on this level are not on. Legally i should have every right to know, because if god forbid anything happened to dc then only on these peoples head would it be. while i would be left devastated at not being listened to in the first place.
he has not been a responsible or any kind of father in the past four years and this is what leads me to ask the question of where will my dc be going??
So no, the lovely mumsnetters are not wrong on this one at all!!! The address is totally my business when dc father has not been in her life for four years!

OP posts:

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Takeresponsibility · 05/06/2011 19:07

You say "Legally i should have every right to know"
Morally you should have, legally you don't. Just because you and the lovely Mumsnetters don't like what the law says doesn't mean it doesn't say it.

To be fair you aren't telling us all the facts, you are drip feeding. In the circumstances you now describe I think you should challenge Cafcass and offer smaller parcels of contact starting with an hour in a place she knows well, or perhaps with a neutral party present with whom dd feels confident (family friend?), building up in frequency and length until she is ready for an overnight.

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RockOnMrs · 05/06/2011 19:12

I am aghast that Cafcass and a judge would allow a 6-year-old to go and stay overnight with someone she hasn't seen for 4 years.

Have I read that correctly?

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fit2drop · 05/06/2011 19:18

waits till the drips become a puddle at least before risking another comment

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PigletJohn · 05/06/2011 19:18

"Cafcass, Solicitor and a judge are refusing to provide this address and have said that dc will have overnights contact at said address but sted fastly refused to give me the address!!!!."

do you know why? is it a thing they are entitled to do in case an ex goes barmy and firebombs the house or something?

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activate · 05/06/2011 19:23

Cafcass, solicitor and a judge are refusing to let you know

Then they have their reasons surely? If not take them to task over it.

You're looking for reinforcement on a web forum for your anger over this?

I side with the legal team the Cafcass officer puts the children above the adults, the solicitor I suppose is aligned to your ex and the judge is impartial and responds to the case before him / her based on the law

I think based on the information provided you have no right to know

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Bongobaby · 05/06/2011 19:25

you have read that correctly. this is what has been said and will go ahead!!
you are right takeresponisiblity I have said that this should be done in smaller parcels of contact and a build up time should be applied. as this would be more suitable for dd to adjust to. But it falls on deaf ears and will not listen to my suggestion. I feel they are all being totally unreasonable and bullish in all of this. Believe me when I say that im not drip feeding you info it,s just that alot has gone on that if i open up then the floodgates will open and i won,t be able to stop. im heartbroken that i just am not being listened to when i offer what is common sense decisions for dd.its not as if i am totally opposing any form of contact. if i was a bad neglectful mother then fairplay. but its so not the case, i just care deeply for dd.

OP posts:

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LaurieFairyCake · 05/06/2011 19:27

Surely they have seen him and had it built up gradually?

Do you mean that they have seen him a few times and now he has been awarded overnights?

If so it's your job to make it fun and exciting "oooh, your going to dads overnight, won't that be fun"

Unless you're saying that you haven't allowed him to see the child and he has had to go to court to get contact? I'm sure you don't mean that.

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LaurieFairyCake · 05/06/2011 19:28

X posted.

So why haven't you had him round to spend time with dd then? Why have you prevented it?

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Takeresponsibility · 05/06/2011 19:30

If your daughter is six (on in other threads she is a seven year old boy so a little confused there) and has not seen her father for four years how was she able to point out his previoius address? "We split a number of years ago and not once have I been to his old address and only found out that time by dc pointing it out to me when driving past!"

Agree with fit2drop drips making no sense, lets have the full story if you want an accurate opinion.