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AIBU?

To want DH to stop smoking?

39 replies

MadamMemoo · 04/06/2011 21:44

we are on our knees broke to the point of being in arrears with our rent. Dc desperately need new clothes that I can't afford to buy them. Dh even had to take a day off work last week because he didn't have the money to put petrol in the car. And yet he is smoking!!! He's changed to rolling his own so it's not as expensive but it's still money we could do with spending on other more essential items.

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LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 04/06/2011 23:44

He doesn't see it that way, MadamMemoo... as an ex-smoker, you know how hard it is. He doesn't see it as a luxury at all, more a necessity and one he cannot do without right now.

If he would be willing to get help for stopping smoking, there is free help available but it won't work unless he wants to stop. I would highly recommend the Allan Carr book 'Easyway to stop smoking', the library will have it and I think it's unique in that it can make you stop wanting to smoke rather than just lecture you.

MadamMemoo · 04/06/2011 23:28

We've flogged everything we can. We can just about survive by cutting out all luxuries, just feel a bit resentful when I see DH wasting money.

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AgentZigzag · 04/06/2011 23:13

It is bloody depressing though when you've shaved off everything possible and you're still brassic.

I can totally understand why you want him to give up, but forcing him to do it may create something you'd pay good money to avoid IYSWIM?

I'm not sure what the answer is, but you need to come to a compromise together to be able to come out the other side in one happy piece.

expatinscotland · 04/06/2011 23:05

YANBU to want him to stop, but it can't be forced.

We ended up in Debt Arrangment Scheme ourselves, but we did not have rent arrears, just unsecured debt. Got anything to flog on Ebay, or on here?

How about a budgetting loan? Could you do one of those for the arrears?

adamschic · 04/06/2011 23:03

Glad to hear his life is insured. He might die in his fifties of lung cancer then you will be OK, keep up the payments.

Seriously if you are really struggling to buy clothes that your kids have grown out of and cannot afford the occasional day out then I think he is being unreasonable in continuing smoking. Someone might need to work a bit more, maybe a couple of night shifts then you can do abit more with the kids.

FabbyChic · 04/06/2011 23:02

I worked full time bringing my children up, they never had day trips out, and they never went to groups/after school activities.

It never harmed them.

Those are luxuries.

You chose to give up smoking, he doesn't want to.

He also works and you have to feel you get something from working.

You clearly live beyond your means, can he get a better paid job?

If you are long term sick claim DLA.

AgentZigzag · 04/06/2011 23:02

He taught me to be a 'rate tart' (his words) Lying, I wouldn't invest/buy anything big without having a nosey at his site, guidance rather than specific info.

I trust him, which is a difficult thing to find on the net.

MadamMemoo · 04/06/2011 22:58

I could do that Zigzag or just bump him off completely and cash in the life insurance, solve all my problems in one go

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LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 04/06/2011 22:56

MadamMemoo... Does your local Freecycle have bundles of childrens' clothes?

Also... If DH is working, perhaps on the way home he can shop at the supermarkets and pick up 'yellow stickered' foods that are heavily reduced. You might get quite a bit for your freezer. Supermarkets often reduce towards the end of the day.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 04/06/2011 22:53

AgentZigZag... YY, he can't be a bit earnest, can't he? I nip onto the site sometimes, got some good tips to switch my balance on credit card but I find the site hard to navigate... but that may be because I'm an IT imbecile...

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 04/06/2011 22:51

What do you think is the answer, MadamMemoo, if your DH won't stop smoking?

AgentZigzag · 04/06/2011 22:50

You could half kill him MadM?

MadamMemoo · 04/06/2011 22:49

There is no way he'll go to the GP, he'd have to be half dead first.

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MadamMemoo · 04/06/2011 22:48

Yeah we have checked everything we are entitled too. I already do buy stuff from charity shops as well as eBay. It just winds me up when Im struggling to find the money to buy one of the DC shoes or pay for a school trip and dh is wasting money on smoking.

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ratspeaker · 04/06/2011 22:44

Can he get patches or other nic subs from the GP or cessation classes

I'l say what others will come along and say have you claimed or looked into all the benefits you may be entitled to
Child tax credits, child benefit, if on a low income have you looked into housing benefit, council tax benefit?

Look at charity shops for clothes

MadamMemoo · 04/06/2011 22:43

We are doing everything we can to save money. We're getting advice from the CCCS and have a DMP in place.

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AgentZigzag · 04/06/2011 22:42

I love Martin Lewis Lying, but not listening to him talking, he's far too shouty, bit like Rhod Gilbert.

Does my head in listening.

MadamMemoo · 04/06/2011 22:40

New clothes are essentials when the kids have outgrown the ones they have.

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MadamMemoo · 04/06/2011 22:38

Even doing 'free' things costs money. To get to town to go museums etc costs me £6 for a return ticket.

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worraliberty · 04/06/2011 22:37

Problem is, nicotine replacement is expensive too...though much cheaper in the long run.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 04/06/2011 22:36

MadamMemoo... As already mentioned on this thread, it's difficult to stop smoking and it has to be your husband who makes the decision to quit.

Rent and food are essentials; new clothes not so much and days out definitely not. What does your DH say when you speak to him about it and are you able to do that without getting angry with him?

By the way, you look after YOUR children, not just HIS.

Have you looked at the Moneysavingexpert website? It's very good and there are so many posters there with useful tips for saving money.

MadamMemoo · 04/06/2011 22:34

skinter

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AgentZigzag · 04/06/2011 22:33

And again, spending cash taking the DC out for the day is a luxury, plenty of free stuff to do.

MadamMemoo · 04/06/2011 22:33

We're in arrears with our rent, how much slinger can you get! I had to get a crisis loan from the DWP last week just to buy food.

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MadamMemoo · 04/06/2011 22:32

I never said his smoking was causing our money problems but an extra £60 a month in the pot makes a big difference when you're really broke. It would mean I could buy the kids some new clothes or take them for a day out.

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