Am I being over sensitive?
droopypoppies · 08/04/2011 20:58
Ok, I have come to the conclusion that most people in my life, whether I've known them a long time or only a short while have this habit of giving me advice I don't want, then being offended if I don't take it. I don't know how else to put it tbh.
I'm not sure if this is fairly common, so please tell me if this is normal usual behaviour.
My friends and family seem to spend alot of their time advising me quite strongly not to do XYZ. It can be advice on anything, and I would rather ask if I felt I needed their input.
EG: Every single phone call I take in front of my mother, she will wait until I have finished, then say 'I wouldn't have said that, I'd have said this.' This is even when she hasn't a clue what she is talking about.
My friends tell me how I should have my home, what curtains I should have up at my windows, what shopping I should buy, how I should spend my money etc etc.
I temporarily seperated from my DH over the amount of hours he works, but we are working through it and going to counselling. My friend, whom I have only known a few months asked me today how the counselling was going, and I said I thought it was going very well. My friend knows my problems with DH are that he doesn't spend very much time at home with me and DC. She has also never met my DH, mainly due to the long hours he works, and has only ever heard my side of things.
My friend then raises an eyebrow at me and says 'You're not going to get back together with him are you? He's not going to change, you'd better not get back with him. He's no good for you and the DC.'
Now this friend has her own problems, namely that her DP doesn't work and has threatened to take their DD away from her if they split, he is very selfish and mean (her words) and spends most of their JSA drinking down the pub, and she pays for everything out of the CTC and the CB, which her DP then gorges on so she has to stretch everything even more. She hasn't had sex with him in over a year either but I never advise her. Her conversation is peppered with DP said this, and DP did that, DP is so depressed, DP needs a rest from work, DP loves our DD so much, he would take her with him if we split, because he adores her. I don't see my friend very much unless her DP is in the pub, which is usually on the day they get their JSA so once a fortnight, but still I say nothing. She laughs and says her DP is so tight, but then admonishes me for trying to make my marriage work.
She doesn't appear to take her DP's bad treatment of her very seriously, but the slightest misdemeanour my DH may do, she takes very seriously.
I can't work it out.
Is this what the saying 'People in glasshouses shouldn't throw stones comes from'?
Is there a way of replying to people who do this, or is everyone a little like this, some more than others?
I think I must be attracting these types of people, but how the hell do I unattract the unwanted advice?
It's really unpleasant to be admonished for every decision I make, as if I cannot be trusted to make sound decisions for myself and my DC.
Anyone else have these 'know it alls' in their lives? How do you deal with them?
PS: I am sure my friend is genuinely trying to help, but it doesn't feel very helpful.
droopypoppies · 08/04/2011 21:08
I don't want to fall out with anyone, and maybe this is where I go wrong, I find myself not knowing what to say, so just smile and then end up defending myself.
I am in my forties, and I am justifying my actions and decisions to other people far too often for my own liking.
Your idea is a good one. It would shock alot of people if I said that, my mother would have a fit and probably call me ungrateful.
Bumfuzz · 08/04/2011 21:17
Let her have a fit, you're a grown woman who knows her own mind and can make her own decisions/choices in life.
Honestly, start disagreeing a bit more. It might be hard if you never do, but if you constantly smile and suck up their 'advice' then they are going to assume it is wanted and needed, and will carry on.
PinkToeNails · 08/04/2011 21:19
I have a friend who is ALWAYS telling me what to do. I feel as though she thinks I'm really stupid. Could be something stupid like "do you want to move out of the way of that on-coming car". I never k ow how to respond either but I think one day I'm just going to explode.
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