to throw my DS's Lego in the bin?

[MommyMayhem]

My DS is 5. A very bright and precocious 5, I might add. His room is a tip and although I am happy to clean and organise it for him, I do expect him to help, even just a gesture towards helping I would be happy with. His favourite thing is Lego. The thing is, it is everywhere, all over the floor in his room. He has a Lego bag to keep it all in, which you can open and lay out and play with your Lego on that. For the past few days I have been asking him to put his Lego away in the Lego bag, and then I will do everything else. I have a slipped disc in my back, which makes crawling around on the floor difficult, although I don't expect him to understand this.

Conversation this morning (and every morning for the past few days):

Me: Darling, please put your Lego away.
DS: No.
Me: If you don't put your Lego away I am going to throw it in the bin and the garbage men will take it away.
DS: Just let me do this [play/read/watch TV] and then I'll do it.

Needless to say, it doesn't get done.

I don't know what to do, please help. I want to throw his Lego away but it seems a bit mean. He really is a lovely child in so many ways, I just can't get him to help tidy his room.

Thanks.

[FindingStuffToChuckOut]

why not take the LEGO away for a week EVERYTIME he doesn't put it away? Either he will learn to keep his LEGO tidy if he want it, or he won't and he'll stop having LEGO to play with?

BTW I'd ebay it or give to charity shop rather than chuck it - it's expensive

Agree with others saying TV comes AFTER the lego is dealt with.

[clayre]

I keep Lego in the living room, I couldn't take anymore of ds room covered in it, now when he plays with it he has to put it away!

[belgo]

Mommymeyhem - where did you get the lego bag from?

[Bingtata]

YOu are not giving him any consequence to not tidying up his lego! He will do it when he has finished watching TV?! You need to tell him that you expect him to put his toys away when he has finished playing with them. I don't agree with offering a reward for this either - if you do this I will give you X,Y,Z. They are his toys and at 5 if he can't look after them properly then they go (into the loft though, not the bin!) He can earn them back by showing that he can respect both you (he is also capable of understanding that you have a bad back) and his things.

If you don't do this now, what will he be expecting in 2-3 years time when you do ask him to tidy his room? Not to bother? A reward?

[belgo]

Oh and I wouldn't say please or darling, not after the first request.

I ask nicely the first time, and after that, I DEMAND that they do as I say (I have a six year old, five year old and two year old). I count to five and I MEAN it. I have never once reached 'five', which means that ds aged two is great at counting to three.

[Glitterknickaz]

Absolutely let him THINK you've binned it for a bit, he needs to learn.
Oh, and don't scrabble around. Get an old pair of tights or a stocking, stick it on the end of the vacum nozzle and pick the lego up with that.

[AMumInScotland]

I don't think you should keep asking him politely every morning. I think you should decide when you want to clean his room, then stand in the doorway saying "Lego in the bag NOW" and insist till it is done.

If he finds it inconvenient, then you can explain that if he put it away after playing with it, that would be easier all round.

[MommyMayhem]

belgo, not sure where ours came from, but funnily enough saw something similar earlier:

www.letterbox.co.uk/27809-12099XXX-LBPERSONALISEDBAGS/personalised-presents/childrens-bags/named-catch-all-bag

[verytellytubby]

My twins are 5 and I ban TV until they've tidied up.

They are incredibly messy. DH binned one of their toys last week as a final threat.

I wouldn't be able to bin lego though!

[MommyMayhem]

I think it's partly my fault because I let it get out of hand, to the point where it is completely overwhelming.

[belgo]

Thanks for the link MM

[ChickensAreFlyingUnderTheRadar]

YABU to bin it. Lego is brilliant. However, Iw ould calmly say 'DS if your Lego isn't packed away by X time, then I will put it away and it will stay away for a week'. Then follow through. No need for hysterics or shouting. I also think 5 is plenty old enough to pick up their own toys.

[liamsdaddy]

I wouldn't say that five is too young to tidy his own room.

My DS 21 months helps tidy the living room of his toys before he goes to bed in the evening. It probably helped that we made a bit of a game of it.

He even tidies some of the toys in his room without actually being asked occasionally (again a bit of a game there).

We have found it a bit difficult to introduce a consequence for not tidying up in the evening, as the next thing that happens is he goes to bed. The only real one we have is putting him directly to bed so he misses out on the tidy up game.

But at 5 yrs, he should be able to understand consequence and to understand if that consequence is still in force the next day (or more).

[thumbwitch]

I took 3 carrier bags of various toys out to the garage the other day because DS kept refusing to put them away and telling me to do it instead. He is 3. He's more than capable of putting them away - but even after losing the first bag, he still defied me and refused to tidy up - so the next 2 went as well before he got the idea.

After a week, one bag has come back. He now puts them away when asked.

I wouldn't bin the Lego but I would certainly confiscate it if he won't clear it up.

[CabbagefromaBaby]

It depends on the child...Ds1, yes 5 was too young but now at 7 he often tidies his room spontaneously. He is juts one of those kids who can't seem to process instructions.

I wonder if ds2 will be old enough at five, but really it's a grey area and depends on your child.

I didn't demand ds1 did his room btw. But he clearly couldn't concentrate to do something like that at 5.

[CabbagefromaBaby]

Unless I was doing it with him, of course when he was able to assist.

[HerbWoman]

DS started doing his room himself at 5. Once he could read enough, I wrote him a list so he would know what needed doing, eg 1. Books on bookshelf, 2.Make bed, 3. Toys in toybox etc. Then the first few times I sat with him pointing bits out. And there would be no screen time at all until done, even if it took a couple of days. Now (he is 6) he knows how it works, doesn't need the list, can do the whole thing in about 10 minutes. He plays with lego too so that is quite quick to scoop up into a box and doesn't need much sorting. If he has had toys out downstairs and won't tidy them, I have been known to box it and stuff in garage for a couple of weeks. And starting the hoover up usually works well too.

My 11 year old DD is another matter!

[MommyMayhem]

OK, so DS finally put his Lego away, and we are all happy. However, I have been reflecting on this situation and I have realised that my DH is exactly the same. I do almost everything around the house, all the cooking, washing, housework, etc. I am happy to do this as DH works long hours. However, there are a couple of things I don't like doing, namely cleaning the fishtank and emptying the hoover. So these are DH's two jobs. His only two jobs. Except he never does them. Every weekend I remind him several times, but they never get done. He says, "in a minute", "after tea", "tomorrow", "why didn't you ask me before I had a shower?", etc. The hoover hasn't been emptied for about a month, and I can't remember the last time the fishtank had a good clean. We were at the fish shop a few weeks ago and I was enquiring about prices for the fishtank cleaning service where they come to your home. DH came over and told the guy in no uncertain terms that we did not need their service. All very embarrassing. He then promised he would do it that weekend. He didn't.

It seems like DS might be learning his behaviour from DH. So, any ideas on how to deal with the DH?

Thanks .

[piprabbit]

You've given your DS a consequence for not tidying his room...try giving some to your DH.
Point out that you will be cutting back on in order to save up for a new hoover because unless it is emptied regularly the motor will eventually overheat and pack in.
Explain that the fish will die if they are not cleaned - and that when they do you will be selling the empty tank. It is cruel to keep the fish in a dirty tank.

Once you've made your point - leave it up to you DH to decide what he is going to do, and follow through on your threats if need be.

[ChippingIn]

DH - just book the cleaning service and give him the bill. Tell him if he doesn't start pulling his weight around the house you will book a weekly cleaner as well.

DS is not too young to tidy his room, you should have been insisting long before now. At first he may need direction (put all your cars in this box, (come back) now put all your pens/paper in this box, (come back) you know where your lego goes....

BUT you need to do it daily!! Before dinner suits me. IF he wont, then tell him when Daddy (parent without the bad back) comes home he will put it all in bags in the loft/garage until he's able to tidy it himself.

Job done :)

(OH but it is your (as in you and DH) job to make sure he has adequate storage that he can access and that he knows where his toys go - so a place for everything and everything in its place!

[MadAboutQuavers]

You're being too soft, MM!

Don't allow your DS to dictate when conversations about something he doesn't want to do end - "I'll do it in a minute" should always be followed up with "No, it needs to be done now or ".

Similarly with your DH, get someone to do the fishtank and give him the bill. Or when he expects you to do a job that he relies on you for (ironing his shirts for example), if he asks when it's being done, give him the "when I'm ready" reply, and don't do it until he's done his jobs.

[thumbdabwitch]

I agree with the others. Book the tank cleaning service and present him with the bill. The vacuum cleaner - tell him that no hoovering will be done until he empties it; and if he hasn't done so within a week you WILL be buying a new one.

If he's anything like my DH, the threat to spend money unnecessarily will galvanise him into action.

By the way - DS (3) has been very good about putting his stuff away since the bags went to teh garage - he refused once yesterday but a small suggestion that his stuff would go soon shifted him and he put it away no problem. Result!