To think it is utterly disgraceful for grandparents to have 'favourite' grandchildren

[wishiwas21again]

I mean WTF! Makes me

From what I read on mumsnet it happens quite a lot

Strangely, I read that women are biologically programmed to favour their son's daughters over other GCs because they are likely to carry more of their DNA.

People will write anything it seems

It's called "sexually antagonistic grandparental care".

Can't say I've noticed it though. MIL seems totally uninterested in DD even though she is her last GC. DD seems to actively dislike MIL though (for no reason I can tell other than she's a bit loud) so this might be putting her off!

YANBU,my ils have 2 dc & my lovely dh was always & still is always treated like crap by them,this has carried onto our ds.

They bend over backwards to accomodate sil & her 2 dds,they have never taken ds anywhere,pushed his pram or taken him to the park,he is now 4.

When dh pointed this out to them they shrugged & said sil needs more help cos her boyf was an undesirable??

DS started school this sept & they havent been to see him in his uniform,we always have to go to theirs.

They live about 5 mins away by foot.

As far as we are concerned they can fuck off,ds is a lovely little boy & is growing up fast,they are missing out on it all,not us.

Sil loves the extra attention she gets.especially when she can drop them both off & go out on the lash,knowing the girls can sleep in their own bedroom at gpps house,all done out in pink,natch.

Grandparents don't have the same responsibilities as parents though. It's mean to obviously show it but i can understand it happening.

I suspect my dd1 will be my mums favourite but she is the first, dn is in another country & dd2 still tiny. My mum & dd1 have a relationship & dd1 is 3 so there is a lot of feedback.

Not sure about MIL. There are obvious grandchildren she likes less & mine get a lot of fuss despite being no.s 14 & 15 because they are still little & the rest nearly all teen to adult. In fact it has always surprised me how much my inlaws dote on dd1 as I foget she is their flesh & blood too.

Someitmes they just can't help themselves.

Listen to this - my mum has 9 grandchildren - my DS is her eldest at now 19 with the youngest my only niece at now 9. I also have 2 girls (17 and 14) and my brothers have another 5 boys between them, all evenly spaced. We all love each other dearly - couldnt wish for better cousins, SILs and brothers.

When my niece was born, she was only a couple of days old when my mum took her round a present - her own engagement ring - as she wanted her to have it. I seem to remember my own girls got lovely booties.....

She rang me to tell me as soon as she's done it - so there'd be no misunderstanding after she was gone!!!

Pisses me off when it is obvious, my mother favoured my youngest, took the pair of them to hers for dinner when they were younger and she ignored the eldest whilst pampering the youngest.

Never went again after that.

I have 15 grandchildren. I love them all. I don't favour any one over the other. Sometimes I have to help out with some of them with practical stuff, but I won't see any of my grandchildren go without.
On the other hand, my ex MIL was a nasty woman, lived in the past and believed that girls should be miniatures of herself with baking and all sorts and that boys should be allowed to do whatever.
She had one son and one daughter. She favoured the daughter over her son. Her daughter could do no wrong. Daughter did all her own cooking, baking, everything from scratch. She used to say to me, 'Why don't you bake your bread from scratch like S>'
I told her that I got Tesco or Sainsburys to make my bread and cakes and that they were very grateful for my custom! :)

It's okay to have favourites, I think but they should never ever show it.

My MiL is mostly fine but she does favour her other g.children (not our kids) because they live nearby. As we live at a distance, and don't get to see her as often as we might, I always hope she will fuss over ours a bit when we visit, to make up for all the time she doesn't see them. But she doesn't, and doesn't even ask about their hobbies and school, but she will tell us all about the other grandchildren and how wonderful they are. I am convinced she doesn't do this about our kids to the rest of the family, because she never really asks about what they're doing. Our kids get fed up of it and realise it's unfair.

I have custody of one of my grandchildren since he was 2. |He is now 11. I do have a different sort of relationship with him than |do to my other grandchildren, though, as I'm in the role of a parent too,.

I agree, however the DCs grandparents seem to have changing favourites, based on practicality and their age. WHen DD was a baby, the GPs used to come and take DS out and spent a lot of time with him. There wasn't much they could do for DD as she was ebf and just wanted me. So in that case, DS was probably technically their 'favourite' but not in a malicious way. As she's got older that is changing.
Plus both grandads, when we visit, spend much more time with the older one who wants to run round the garden, play football, help gather leaves etc. DD is still a bit young for all this. I'm sure if they were honest they'd admit to him being their favourite, but again, that will change in time, and when the age difference between the DCs isn't so significant.

YANBU, my friend's MIL has favourites. It is dreadful, once my friend asked her MIL to pick the three boys up from school as she was stuck at hospital. The MIL turned up, picked up 2 of the boys, but left the other one in the playground as she had "never liked him".

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah - having favourites is not too clever.

Being obvious about it is damn right cruel.

I think it is entirely unacceptable. I'm speaking from personal experiences as my grandparents always had clear favorites and I obviously wasn't one of them. I can honestly say it devastated me as a Child but now I realize that I'm better off doing my own thing.

MIL tries not to have favourites, but always manages to buy the boys more than the girls. She also told me the other day that girls are 'born bitchy'. WTF?

OMG Miggsie! I've really heard it all now!

I don't know where I stand on this issue tbh. My GPs always treated us kids equally (though the GCs were varying ages), but I was treated quite unfairly by my parents so I feel the pain on this one. My father has always hated me and never made much of a secret of it. My mum can be okay, but has a tendency to throws tantrums at me that she won't throw at my siblings, so it's clear I'm not the favourite there either.

I guess it's not wrong to have a favourite, just like we have favourite friends or relatives etc, but it's very wrong to show it.

My mother favoured my sister's three boys over my DS1 (even though he was the first GC). My DD could do no wrong because she was the only girl. Then, ironically my DS2 became most favoured of all, because he was the youngest.
DS1 still finds it hard to cope with (it is still going on although all the GC except DS2 are adults) and now he has DCs of his own it is even harder because he knows he couldn't choose between them.
I found I was always sticking up for DS1 because it made me so sad the way he was treated, and then of course my mother accused me of favouring him!
Still makes me sad to see it.

Migsie!

YADNBU

My FiL has a clear favourite; his step GS. (His wife's DGS.)
He was the first, so I can see why he is more besotted.
He lavishes gifts, time etc on him, always promising the same for DS when he reaches that age, but never does. (eg, paying for soccertots.) The SGS is quite hard work too, where as ours was a lovely baby.
What rankles I suppose is that we would have had the first grandchild, but we lost it.
It upsets DH quite a bit.

What bothers me is that my DD from a prev relationship is his step GC too, but he ignores her. (He set up a trust fund for the boy but not DD.)

I know my DC are clearly better children.

My sister was very much the favourite with one of our grandparents. Unfortunately it was the grandparent who lived with us, so I was constantly subjected to feeling second best. I think it angers me more now than when I was growing up because I would hate for one of my children to experience that.

It's just the way things are. IMO, worse than that are obvious displays of favouritism displayed towards one's own children. :( I've seen it here on mn, on other forums and even on fb - I used to think it was an unusual phenomena but it appears quite common.