to feel angry that everyone feels entitled to comment...... about everything!

[giantpurplepeopleeater]

Ok - so maybe I am being unreasonable, and if that is the case then I would appreciate someone calming me down as I am new to all this and getting quite and at all this.

I am a new mom to be... not even that far along (24 weeks) but have just started to really show - although I still think I look like I have just eaten a few too many pies!!

But for some reason, my friends, family and even complete strangers have taken to felling that they can comment on absolutely everything I do/ say/ the way I look and I think it is bloody rude.

I'm normally a very private person and don't spend hours discussing myself with friends/ family and can be especially shy around strangers so am not the type to start randomly chatting on the bus or anything. However in the last few days I have had the following comments from people that have not been solicited in anyway - in fact sometimes we haven't even been in conversation or talking about my pregnancy.

Mom -
'is eating all that cheese healthy for the baby (2 x cheese on toast in grill)'
'you know your going to put a stone on in weight - you should look into joining a gym now'
'are you ready to be parent? its the hardest thing in the world'

Friend -
'God you look really pregnant in that top. My god thats the first time you have actually looked pregnant (this while showing her the new maternity top I just bought '
'you know I couldn't live with out x, y and z - you must really buy these expensive piecies of tat and follow this book I did'

Strangers in the street -
'Oh look your pregnant. Ooh you just wait till the birth, mine was hell'
'See! They are everywhere. People popping out sprogs for the Government to support' (old man to his friend as he walked past me in coffee shop)

So what is it that I am doing wrong that people can say these things to me without my even bringing up the subject????

And AIBU to tell them all to keep their comments to themsleves in future???

[3Trees]

I am sure I would have hated it, but as someone who was on the large side before getting pg, and then LOST 2 stone whilst pg (I had hyperemesis) no one I hadn't already told realised I was pg the WHOLE TIME - I am jealous!

So to the people who never offered me seats on buses, or the chemist who didn't believe me I was pg at all ,never mind 8 months pg looking for something safe to take for the toothabcess pain I had (FAR WORSE imo than labour, weven when labour is back to back and accomplished with only gas and air) I blow raspberries and WISH someone would have said something nice!

[LittleMissHissyFit]

Jeez yourself DreamTeamGirl, that's a bit harsh!!!

OP, your PG is literally nobody's business but yours and your OH.

If anyone makes a move toward the bump, especially strangers, then a swift side step, and a fould look accompanied with a DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT! I'd been told about this, a friend with twins told me. Thankfully though it never happened to me. I think I must have one of those faces....

If anyone makes a comment, tell them to mind their own business, actually your Mum and friend included. If you want their comments you'll ask them....

Nip this in the bud now, cos they won't know to shut up when your baby comes....

[kelly2525]

For me, the most annoying thing is people TELLING me what i should or shouldnt do. I had a private gender scan, when i told friends and family i`d booked it, most were quite happy to tell me i shouldnt be finding out, it should be a suprise, one family friend even went to my mum to ask how much it was costing me, then when she was told how much it was, she said thats stupid, think of all the things she could buy with that money, errrr, yeah, like a fucking 4D gender scan. Taking an interest is one thing, but to have people around you act like they are offended by your choices gets on my tits

[MadAboutQuavers]

CurlyhairedAssassin - give me a man who tells me very regularly that I'm absolutely beautiful, when I'm actually the size of a house, waddling around covered in stretchmarks, any day

(His original quote wasn't word for word, like some sort of script, by the way - which certainly would be weird!)

Different strokes, as you say

[Firawla]

OP i think your mums comments are a bit hurtful, and annoying comments hurt more from close family than random strangers, so yanbu on that.. even the friends one aswel but maybe she meant it in a nice way that you look pregnant in the top, wouldnt necessarily have taken that as an insult

I never had a problem with comments from strangers, cant remember getting any offensive ones and its nice for people to show an interest. Never had anyone come and touch my bump either but I dont think I am that approachable looking for that kind of thing (luckily, as it would p me right off!)

anyway congratulations! just ignore the comments as much as you can, for your mum if her comments do upset i think if you say in a calm way can she please stop it that may be a good idea otherwise as mentioned she will get worse when your baby is born. people in the street just ignore or if you have a good reply to shoot them down, then go for it

[Coldfire]

nom nom nom cheese on toast....

Everything else ignore, and do what you want.

[CurlyhairedAssassin]

"My DP comments on my bump several times a day, every day. "Wow, sweetheart, you look very pregnant today. You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." "

Really, MadAboutQuavers? I think I'd have wanted to barf if my DH had said that to me whilst I was pregnant. I think he actually DID used to say "hello, Fatty" but it was obviously a term of endearment and I took it as such.

Different strokes for different folks, eh?

[BaronessBomburst]

I think it just all depends how much attention you're given on any specific day, rather than that people are being precious. There are days when EVERYONE comments on EVERYTHING and the OP is right - it really does get unbearable.

OP - do you have any friends who don't like children? If so, they are a godsend for being able to talk about something else!

YANBU.

[MadAboutQuavers]

I'm 27 weeks now with my first and have been very big since about week 14 - so I constantly get comments from work colleagues and friends that can be summarised thus:

1. "Are you sure it's not twins?" (er, yes...)

1. "Are you sure you've got your dates right?" (Of course I've got my dates right, stupid...)

1. "Is the baby bigger than normal?" (No, he's fine, but thank you for your interest...)

And, from one particular woman - every time she sees me - "Hello Fatty!". To which I only had to reply once "Oh, hello Tubs!". She is a little overweight, so this was probably slightly cruel, but it has stopped the constant "fat" references...

Luckily, I've had noting but nice smiles and "how are you?" type comments from strangers.

My family (who know better than to try and give me advice/instruction - I haven't listened to anyone's opinion about what I should be doing for nearly 40 years, so I'm not going to start now ), have only given me comments of the "You look wonderful and so well".

My DP comments on my bump several times a day, every day. "Wow, sweetheart, you look very pregnant today. You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

Unsurprisingly, I can cope with this comment as often as he sees fit to dish it out .

[CurlyhairedAssassin]

Wow, there are a lot of people being very precious on here! I really think a lot of people comment due to the fact that pregnancy is such an exciting, interesting time and lots of people have experience of it/fond memories/not so fond memories, and want to share it! That's all!

Don't tolerate rudness, no, but someone simply commenting "you look huge" when you probably DO look huge is fair enough! You are about to give birth to a baby after all and they are usually quite big you know! People need to separate those sorts of inane and trivial comments and observations right away from the obviously rude ones, or the "I know everything there is to know about pregnancy so here is my advice......" The rude ones you can either tell them that they're being rude if you feel up to a confrontation, or you can just assume that they are some sort of nutter as in the case where the clearly NOT smoking poster experienced someone telling her not to smoke whilst pregnant.

The know-it-alls are easy: You just smile at them and say "Really.....sounds interesting.....maybe I'll do that....." (while internally thinking "not a cat in hell's chance, luv)

As for the touching of the bump - well - no, I wouldn't like a wierdo pervy bloke in a mac coming up and doing that, but the nice grandma in the queue at M&S reminiscing about her family life is quite harmless, surely? It's NICE that people are interested in other people......otherwise we'd all go round saying nowt to each other for fear of offending them, which would be

[NotBreeVanDeKamp]

ha ha my favourite comment on hearing that I was pregnant was "oh, was it planned?" !!
It was actually but really, it was none of her business!

I'm afraid you'll just have to get used to it. Also be aware that at social gatherings where you don't know people so well the only things people will ask you about is: do you know the sex? when's it due? is it your first? etc etc. Understandable ice breakers but so very boring after a while.
Re grabbing my bump, if it was someone I liked I really didn't mind. Obviously I did if not!

[MorrisZapp]

I like chatting about my pregnancy. It's just chit chat, what's the problem.

My friends comment on my shape, my bump, my birth plans, my future work plans etc all the time - , I make comments back, and I think of this as 'conversation'. My pregnancy is pretty much the most interesting thing that's happened to me in years, it would be very odd if they didn't talk about it.

Nobody has tried to touch my bump and even friends and family ask first before touching it.

The thing is, people outside your immediate family etc don't care that much, it's just something to talk about, like the weather.

It's as big a deal as you make it. I wonder if some people just love being PG so they can spend the rest of their lives moaning about their friends, workmates, MIL etc and get away with it.

[ProfessorLaytonIsMyLoveSlave]

No one has ever grabbed my bump, if it's any consolation. I must look scarier than I thought...

[breatheslowly]

I'm really sorry OP - you must be getting my share too as I am 37 weeks and no one has said anything odd or touched me or anything. One of our neighbours did as DH was I ok and what had he done with me as she had noticed that our windows weren't open as much as usual. We both just found that funny as it hasn't been as hot recently and I can't reach all of the windows because of my bump.

[BaronessBomburst]

Oh yeah, and then there was the time a male shop assistant spontaneously started given me advice. PG hormones and my mother had already pushed me to the limit so by the time he reached the 'do you know how many pesticides are on one capsicum pepper' bit I'd totally lost it. Fortunately my very prim mother doesn't speak Dutch but I think she may have got the gist!

[wigglesrock]

I never minded when strangers asked me when I was due, how I was doing, a jokey comment about no rest etc,I thought it was sweet, no-one tried to touch my me I must have a "don't try and manhandle me" face!!!! Although thought it was a bit much when asked by school mums "was it an accident?" ffs only my 3rd and only 36!! My dh told me I should make a funny comment about still having an active sex life etc and still getting carried away but I don't have the nerve and Lord don't want to incur the wrath of school gates mafia

[giantpurplepeopleeater]

Hmmmm - maybe it's just me but I have found the comments I have gotten recently to be fairly negative. I guess if people were smiling and passing comment about 'getting sleep while you can' and other such things I wouldn't be so offended.

However, I have been finding comments about my size (I'm not a small woman normally either) and questioning whether I am going to cope quite insensitive.

I guess the other thing that is bothering me is the fact that I am not soliciting much of this stuff. Aside from the example about showing my friend the top I wasn't talking to anyone about being pregnant or pregnancy related things. I haven't been asking people - but they seem to assume I want them to share. I have even refrained from tellin many people I am actually pregnant - but now that it is getting obvious people are feeling the need to blurt out any pregnancy related thing that comes into their head!!!

I am probably just being too sensitive and I realise I will have to get used to it. I just wish people could think before they speak sometimes!

[BaronessBomburst]

I am so with you on this one! DS is nearly 6 months and I still regularly want to run people through with a sharpened blade.....

My 'favourite' is my mother turning up with teething powders when DS was 2 weeks old because "my hairdresser says that these are the best, and I know you won't be able to get anything good where you live".
My whole family think that everything in Holland is wrong because it's different from England. (IMO it's actually better overall wich is WHY WE LIVE HERE!!)

And then there's my brother and SIL who have a PFB and a whole bookcase of completely insane bullshit informative and useful parenting books and seem to think that because I got pregnant by accident I must be a total retard when it comes to children. A stairgate? Really? I would never have thought of that.....?

And don't even get me started on the corgettes. It was only yesterday and I haven't calmed down yet......

And breathe. Is it to early for gin?

[EldritchCleavage]

Comments from strangers, just ignore. Bump touching by complete strangers (actually even by acquaintances if they don't know you that well), on the other hand, is foul foul foul. You can let rip at people who do that.

I have to say I hardly had any comments and absolutely no bump fondling, but then I pre-empted it by having a stare like a Gorgon with PMT.

I did once get cornered by a weirdy lady in Rigby and Peller when I was trying to buy maternity bras. I made the mistake of answering her questions and found myself being lectured on everything from diet to sleeping positions. I was nice, because she was trying to be friendly, but the trick is not to take any of it on board. Let it all wash over you like lift Muzak.

Oh, and NEVER tell anyone the sex or the name!

[cyteen]

While I mostly agree with Puss, in that for the most part people are just happy for you and saying something to say something, iyswim, I did draw the line at bump touching unless they asked first. I hate having my space invaded anyway, pregnant or not, and try to respect others in the same way, so having random hands laid on me pisses me right off.

Funnily enough no one ever did though. I must have one of those mardy faces.

OP, don't worry too much about after the birth - I don't recall being given much unsolicited advice or commentary about my parenting. Maybe I just tuned it out.

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

giantpurplepeony - I am in Hampshire, nice area but not particularly 'refined' or anything!

Puss - I agree, I've never really understood why people get so upset. Women glancing at my bump in the supermarket and a wry 'get some sleep while you can' or similar while smiling, is to me someone just sharing the joy of a new baby and an acknowledgement that your life is about to change massively.

What do you all do when someone stops and smiles at your newborn?

[DreamTeamGirl]

Jeez, they are just taking an interest (well except the weird old man complaining)

Would you rather they just ignored the pregnancy completely? Pretended it wasnt happening?
We have someone pregnant here, and frankly you run out of things to say to feign an interest, so saying 'oooh you REALLY look pregnant in that top' and smiling I thought was a positive things
Stop being so precious and get over it. Your life ISNT yours now anyway- its about your child for the next 30 years so start getting used to it

[PussinJimmyChoos]

Proud - my thoughts exactly. Am pg with No 2 and have tried for 2 yrs for this little 'un....so not bothered about any comments, am just grateful to be pg

Even so, was same with DS and he only took 3 mths to conceive

[proudnsad]

Op seriously get over yourself, this ain't a problem.
Stop whingeing and be grateful you are having a beloved, gorgeous little baby in a few months time!!

[BootyMum]

I am only 14 weeks pregnant and have just started telling people, ie work colleagues. People have been commenting on how big my bump is for only 14 weeks and how before I'd told them I was pregnant they had thought I was just getting fat. Now I feel really self conscious and worried about putting on too much weight in pregnancy. I just hate how people seem to think it's okay to make these personal and humiliating/upsetting comments when you are pregnant. I think it is easy to be a bit sensitive and hormonal when you are pregnant but still! It's difficult enough dealing with and getting used to your changing body without all the input from others!