Other People's Attitudes

[DeedIDo]

I'm on Day 50 AF and steaming towards beating DH's longest sober streak of 78 days. To be honest, I am not expecting to drink again, or possibly very rarely, for the foreseeable future. Life is so much simpler without all the negotiating for one thing.

I think I'm doing all right, but other people seem to be struggling. The first 31 days, DH and I did together, but he doesn't seem to be able to get his head round the fact that I am still not drinking. Every time he buys me a drink, he double checks that I want AF and then looks disappointed. He put me under a lot of pressure to have a drink on our wedding anniversary.

Friends have gone from humouring us both for planning to have a month off (and not thinking we would make it) to being incredulous and frankly confused, that I am still sober after seven weeks. It's almost as if I am the one that is out of step. My drinking buddy, who has been a friend for nearly 20 years, has dropped me flat.

Have other people found the same? What tactics did you use to handle this?

Thanks

[TeeNoG]

Hi, first of all, well done on your alcohol free streak!

I did 2 years sober, and am currently seeing what moderation is like, but am open to going completely AF again. ALL relationships change when you get sober. Your partner is probably just a bit worried that everything will change, that you might leave him behind with the new found you. Keep at it - if this is what you want, it's important to stay sober for YOU and nobody else. Hopefully you'll find your partner will relax when he realises you are still you, just not drunk you :)

I lost a friend going alcohol free - my best friend. She just couldn't accept that I didn't want to drink and dropped me. She's recently been trying to build bridges, but I'm not interested. On the flip side, I found that friends who I wouldn't have relied on in the past turned out to be great friends - they genuinely wanted to spend time with me, not just because I was willing to drink as much as they wanted me to.

I recommend that you browse the podcasts 'Soberful'. Both problems that you mention are common to people getting sober and the podcast gives good advice. All the best!