Sister in recovery

[LoveRiot]

Hello,

My sister, who I have always been incredibly close to (best mate!), hit her bottom last year and has been in recovery for 10 months for drink and drugs (coke). She is healthy and seems to be doing well which is great.

I have her seen once in the 10 months - it was fine and nice to see her. Her verbal abuse towards me in the years leading up to her rock bottom were pretty constant and awful. Really personal stuff and really really unkind and upsetting. At the time we did not quite realise her behaviour was all down to her drink and drug taking. It was all so extreme it was as if she had some kind of personality disorder. I am not proud of thinking this about her at the time.

I forgive her for everything - whats done is done and there is little point holding on to it and feeling angry anymore. The effect on me and consequently my family has been enormous but I'm in good therapy and really coming out of the trauma/sadness/grief of it all.

The thing is - I just don't want to see her anymore really. I don't bear bad feelings towards her but I simply cannot ever go through that kind of shock and trauma again or put my family through it. Will my trust in her grow again? Do these things take years? Is it OK that I don't want to have the same relationship we once had with her anymore?

Any advice or similar experiences would be really helpful.

Thankyou so much x