Dropped like a hot brick

[herbaceous]

We've just been dropped from the adoption process, after having a favourable initial interview in our house, three days of preparation course, and a feedback interview.

The SWs have totally misinterpreted things we said, and some manager - who has never met us - has decided we should 'put our adoption on hold', for an indefinite period.

It raises more questions than I can possibly articulate here, but has this happened to anyone else? Did they ever start the process again?

I have asked the SW to put all their objections, plus a timeframe for reapplying (if that's what they really mean) in a letter, but as none of them have ever answered a phonecall, voicemail message, or email in the past eight months, I'm not holding my breath.

I think the real reason is they don't have any young, white children, and this is one way of weeding us out, but if that's the case, why not say so at the very beginning? It's such a waste of their resources, and our time. And very distressing.

[MsDemeanor]

Exactly. What has a love of books got to do with being 'academic' (whatever that means)? What a disorted view of the world.
Also, valueing education doesn't mean you despise people with learning difficulties !
Loving parents want a great, appropriate education that gives their particular child the most fulfilment and opportunities in life whatever their gifts, talents and difficulties.

[herbaceous]

GRRRRROOOWWWWWLLL.

Christ on a bike. So, we get criticised for not having read enough theoretical books on attachment (so obscure they're not even on Amazon), and then we'll have to hide our other books when they come to visit.

[Kewcumber]

If you feel it would be helpful I can try to put you in touch with the couple who appealed their panel decision. You can;t technically appeal until you been refused by panel, but you can insist on going to panel then appealing.

[herbaceous]

I've just read that Daily Mail article. We're with the same LA that refused to approve that couple. And that LA is the only one in London who was interested in us. Or so they said.

As it looked like the problem was us being white, and the children not being, I inquired to Essex council - big place, very white - but no, they don't accept people outside the county.



Thanks Kewc. It can't hurt, can it. How about you send their details to my email - sherbert3 at mac dot com.

A friend of my mum's is quite high up in London adoption, and sits on various panels, so I'm going to give her a ring to see what the bloody hell it is they want.

Though I have to say, I'm not hopeful. Rather depressed.

[Kewcumber]

You might also want to talk to someone like Coram - you don't have to go to your LA. Though they will contact your LA to see why yhaven't continued with them.

[Kewcumber]

can you afford intercountry?

[sis]

I don't know if it will help you but my sister and bil adopted through Barnados - is that something you could look into?

[herbaceous]

I thought that voluntary agencies, like Coram and Barnados, tend to only place older, more 'challenging' children, as they have to place children the LAs can't...

And K - we could afford it, by borrowing, but I thought we had to be approved here, by social workers, before we could do it? And wouldn't we be up against the same problems?

[Kewcumber]

I don;t know enough to comment but I know Coram does concurrent planning which has been very succesful for getting a very young baby for people who might otherwise be deemd lower down the list.

H - yes you do need to be approved here but if the real reason behind your refusal to prgress is because they don;t have any young children for you, you'd be amazed how the previosu "problmes" don;t seem as important

Your LA have an obligation to assess you for ICA and becasue they don;t then have to go on to match you they do tend to be a little more dispassionate about it.

[bran]

I'm so sorry to hear about your experience herbaceous. It would be easier if they would just admit that they don't have children available to place for your family, at least then you could consider your other options at the start.

I'm not surprised Essex turned you down actually as although it's mostly white they have relatively few children needing adoption compared to the number of families wanting to adopt. Have you tried Tower Hamlets? On our adoption training there were two white couples from Essex and one white couple from Hackney who had all not managed to get beyond the enquiry stage with their own LA but did get accepted by TH.

If you did decide to go for international adoption you would have to pay for your local authority to assess you, but considering their past treatment of you it would probably be better to go with an independent agency if you can.

[KristinaM]

herbacous - i think the truth is what they have already told you - the problem is that you want a young child and they don't have many. And those they do would probably be placed with a younger couple.

I think you would find that all these "issues" they have with you and your Dh would melt away if you wanted an older child, of which they have plenty . Its not about you - its about supply and demand. They are trying to make you go away. Quietly.

IMHO I think that the worker you originally saw was very inexperienced and gave you poor advice. This has now been picked up by a manager and they have realised their mistake.

i think your options are

1. complain - you might get them to assess you and even perhaps approve you but you probably wont get a baby / young child placed with you.

1. ask them or another agency to assess you for an older child/ren or those with special needs, but i'm not sure this is what you want

1. find another agency who will approve you and place a baby/ young child

1. ask them or another agency to approve you for overseas adoption. you need to be aware that they ( or any agency ) will come back to the issues they have raised, so you would need to address them ( however stupid they seem to you!!)

If you are in your 40s then i don't think you have time to do these sequentially eg go for domestic adoption of a baby, the if you don't get one go overseas. You coudl be 3-4 years waiting for a baby here, then easily the same again to go overseas