Tracing my adopted aunts birth family

[155pompom]

Not really sure where to post this, but I’m hoping someone can help.
Way back in 1960’s my grandparents adopted a young girl in Birmingham. About 5 years later she was tragically killed in a road accident. My Grandparents didn’t really talk about her, but I know they kept some of her stuff.
Fast forward 60 years and both grandparents have passed away, and my dad would now like to trace her birth family to find out more and share her short life stories with them. My uncle (dads last remaining sibling) has all my grandparent’s paperwork and won’t allow access to any of it as they do not speak.
So, what would be my first steps to finding her birth family? I’d love to help my dad.

[onlytherain]

That is a very sad story. What is your dad's motivation for wanting to share this with the birth family? They first lost a child and would now find out that this child did not have a happy long life, but was killed shortly after. If I were the birth family, I don't think I would want to know. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss. It would be different, if they had traced her and asked, but I don't think I would actively seek to share this information.

[Ted27]

@155pompom

https://corambaaf.org.uk/fostering-adoption/adoption/information-adults-who-were-adopted-or-care/how-trace-birth-family

Ive provided this link although its really for adoptees who are searching.

However it has some great advice about what to think about before you start searching.
I would think long and hard before you do so. The birth family have already lost a child when she was adopted. Given the length of time there is a strong possiblity that her birth parents have passed away. Surviving relatives, including any subsequent siblings may not even know about her and you would be opening a whole can of worms for them.

Think about why your dad has waited until his parents have passed away to start searching and apply that to the birth family.

At the moment its a bit romanticised, the reality may be very different.

[Burntouted]

I would suggest against pursuing this course of action.

Your father should strive to move forward and accept this.

I fail to see a valid reason for him to seek out her story other than for attention-seeking purposes. Yes, it's tragic..but she wasn't a blood relative. Please consider the young woman's perspective and safeguard the privacy of the deceased, as well as their family's privacy. They may still be dealing with this matter internally and trying to move on. It's possible she wouldn't have wanted her privacy violated.

Please show respect for your uncle.

Please acknowledge that your grandparents prefer not to share this information. If they wanted your father to know, they would have disclosed it themselves.

[Burntouted]

You must remember that the family chose to give her up for adoption for their own reasons. It's not appropriate for you to intrude on their privacy or family matters. It's likely that any remaining relatives wouldn't even know about her existence, particularly if the birth parents never disclosed the adoption. It's best to let the deceased and their secrets rest in peace.

Also, they may not be receptive to that even if they knew. You are a stranger asking for vital information about their (not yours) biological family member.


Just leave it alone.

[Ted27]

@Burntouted

The birth family may not have 'chosen' to give the child up for adoption. Given the time period this is a time when many young unmarried mothers were forced to give up their babies, poverty may also have forced some families to give children up.
Dismissing the adoptive families as she was ' not a blood relative' is completely missing the point of adoption.
The child was the op's dad's sister.