Can I ‘adopt’ my parents at 16? special guardianship order sgo

[pinkrosezz]

hi, im 15 and I live with my parents who took me in at 11 months on a special guardianship order. I don’t have the same last name as them as my birth parents didn’t agree with my parents to change my last name (I call myself their last name anyway but on official documents and exams I have to have my birth name)

i don’t ever remember seeing my birth father (he wasn’t interested) and I stopped seeing my birth mother when I was 8, it was my choice, I didn’t want to see her anymore.

is it true that I can request to be adopted by my mum and dad when I turn 16? I know they can’t adopt me as we don’t think my birth mum will agree with it (birth father has no say due to never being in contact etc), but they haven’t been able to do the adoption process before due to her being selfish even though she is nothing to me. I have lived with my mum dad and sister since I can remember and they’re my family. I want to be adopted by them and have their last name more than anything but I want to surprise them on my 16th by asking to be adopted - is this something I can do without having to ‘ask’ my birth mum?

thanks

[Ted27]

Hi @pinkrosezz
You sound like you have a really lovely relationship with your family and I think its natural for you to want to share their name.
I'm not sure you can do what you want to do, children have to be freed by the courts before they can be adopted.
Do you have a social worker that you could ask to get the legal position.
If not, you could call the social services dept in your local council,
I'm tagging @Jellycatspyjamas as she might know.
It really is amazing that you want to acknowledge your family in this way but you know whatever the legal situation, families are made in our hearts, thoughts and actions.
My son will be 20 soon, next week is our 12th anniversary of us meeting for the first time, Easter weekend the anniversary of him coming home.
Last Christmas he gave me this ceramic heart. Of everything we have done in the last 12 years, all the cards and presents, this is the thing that made me cry and is the most precious thing to me. Yes it's great that we have that bit of paper, but this was from his heart. If you can't be adopted maybe you could do something like this?
I hope you have the most amazing 16 th birthday with your family

[easilydistracted1]

Your parents can apply to adopt you as a private adoption as you have been living with them over three years. It would have to go to court and I am pretty sure there would be a social worker and guardian (specialist court social worker) involved. Your parents have to give notice to the local authority and they have to make a report about whether it's in your welfare interests. Being 16 doesn't automatically change anything but it's much more likely they will take your wishes into account due to your age. As the pp mentioned there isn't a placement order (freeing orders don't exist any more but this is similar) making a plan of adoption for you so it makes it more challenging but not impossible. You could see if you are entitled to any legal advice about it yourself but probably the best way is for your parents to start the process. Hope it works out for you

Here is a link with more information
https://childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/non-agency-adoption/

[Jellycatspyjamas]

The application to adopt has to be made by your parents, and they can do this through what is often termed a “non-agency” adoption which just means that it isn’t the local authority making the application. Your age won’t make a difference in this situation, as long as you are under 18.

Your birth parents will need to give consent. Whole your birth dad has never been in your life, he still has parental rights, as does your birth mum. Because adoption both gives your parents full parental rights and removes parental rights from your birth parents, your birth parents need to be given the opportunity to respond, because adoption ends your legal relationship with them. If they don’t consent, your parents could apply to court to have the requirement for consent set aside - your parents would need to evidence that it would impact your welfare not to be adopted, which might be tricky if the SGO has been working all this time.

The legalities and process are a bit different depending on which country of the UK you live in, and on the local authority so if you’re happy saying which nation you’re part of I might be able to be more specific.

It’s a lovely thing you want, and I’m sorry it’s not more straightforward after all this time. One thing you can do at 16 is legally change your name, which I know isn’t the same thing but would be a relatively easy process.

[pinkrosezz]

@Jellycatspyjamas

The application to adopt has to be made by your parents, and they can do this through what is often termed a “non-agency” adoption which just means that it isn’t the local authority making the application. Your age won’t make a difference in this situation, as long as you are under 18.

Your birth parents will need to give consent. Whole your birth dad has never been in your life, he still has parental rights, as does your birth mum. Because adoption both gives your parents full parental rights and removes parental rights from your birth parents, your birth parents need to be given the opportunity to respond, because adoption ends your legal relationship with them. If they don’t consent, your parents could apply to court to have the requirement for consent set aside - your parents would need to evidence that it would impact your welfare not to be adopted, which might be tricky if the SGO has been working all this time.

The legalities and process are a bit different depending on which country of the UK you live in, and on the local authority so if you’re happy saying which nation you’re part of I might be able to be more specific.

It’s a lovely thing you want, and I’m sorry it’s not more straightforward after all this time. One thing you can do at 16 is legally change your name, which I know isn’t the same thing but would be a relatively easy process.

Hi I am in North Yorkshire. I think I just presumed it was like changing your name - that you can do it at 16 but clearly I was wrong!!

there isn’t a welfare reason for me to be adopted, it is purely just that I want them to adopt me rather than have these ‘ties’ to my birth parents.

i think I also worry about the future in terms of my future and family things if I am not ‘legally’ their child, I don’t want to put my birth parents down on any forms etc.

do I need anyones permission to change my name at 16 or could I do that myself without anyone’s knowledge? Just thinking I could surprise them on my 16th

[easilydistracted1]

@pinkrosezz you could argue it was a welfare reason because you want to be a legal part of the family into adulthood. Do your parents have other children? If so you could say it's really important to be the same as them as you grow older. There are other rights that you have under adoption you don't under sgo. You are old enough to have a clear understanding of what you want and you don't have a relationship with your birth parents. It is very involved though. It looks like you don't need consent to change your name over 16 so that could be a nice surprise, arranging a deed poll for a change of name it's really straight forward

[ImAMessNess1]

I would speak your parents before you do anything, I'm sure they will support you through this and will be very happy at you wanting to do this.
Check Deed poll as I believe between 16-18 you need parental consent to change name which could bring up a new challenge.
This is alot to be thinking about at 15, speak to your parents.

[Jellycatspyjamas]

there isn’t a welfare reason for me to be adopted, it is purely just that I want them to adopt me rather than have these ‘ties’ to my birth parents.

You don’t need a welfare reason to be adopted for an out of agency adoption, it’s really about formalising the relationships already in place. The welfare grounds would be an issue if your birth parents refused permission. While the surprise might be a nice thing, I’d have a chat to your parents about a way forward.

[pinkrosezz]

thanks everyone. I will speak to my family about it I think. They have said before that they’d love to adopt me but that they don’t think it’s possible due to birth parents refusing, they’ve said in the beginning they won’t ever allow it, when the sgo was first put in place, they refused to change my last name as my parents requested that my name be the same as theirs and my sisters but they refused, so I’m still legally a different name. but it’s good to know of my other options - i will let them know! I will also look at deed poll, thanks x