I completely get this. When you have one part of your day that you think you can rely on to go right and then all of a sudden it doesn't, its awful, especially if any other part of the day is rocky and you need the evening to relax a bit!
It might be a phase, but sometimes you need to do something to kick start getting out of the phase and into a new routine. We tried a million things, and some of them work in different combinations at different times, some of them not at all. We've never really gotten to the bottom of why either- nobody, including lil sproglet can tell us, so we are focusing as much as we can on strategies. The Internet (browsed at 10pm after several returns to bed) suggests 4/5 is a hormonal time, which might be linked to altered sleep patterns. Then again it might be trauma. Or a battle for control because you know he has you by the short and curlies. Or something he has copied from school. Or or or....
Anyway, some stuff we have tried in various combinations:m with various levels of success:
- Night time essential oil stickers
- New duvet cover
- Constant conversations about sleep and how it helps your body be big and strong- are there any TV programmes about it I wonder? Talking with another adult in front of him about your own bedtime routines, other people going to sleep etc
- visual timetables about the order or the night
- a gro clock saying to stay in bed.
- Rotating dinosaur night light
- Audio books available during the night, not just at bedtime
- Choosing new sleeping PJs
- Lots of playing with dolls, putting them to bed, putting teddies to bed
- Choosing an eye mask
- Deep pressure cuddles with a duvet
- Weighted blankets, blankets tucked in tightly
- Taking a novel item to bed with him- he has slept in the bed with a lego brick before.
- Vetiver diffusion (works better than lavender)
- He gets to choose a story from the library to read
- Milk before bed to make sure his tummy is full
- Sitting in his room pretending to sleep (or sometimes genuinely sleeping lol) to body double for him. Means you get a moment to pretend to wake up and act confused as to why he is awake and take a breath to regulate yourself before telling him to lie down for the billionth time.
- Guided meditation (lol- that one didn't work for us at all because his demand avoidance kicked in but an NT child might find it helpful). We have a tonie box but I bet you could get similar for a yoto
- us reading a book or scrolling our phone and completely ignoring him unless he gets out of bed, at which point we say the same thing and point at the bed or return him to bed.
- A sound machine with water sounds.
-so much exercise that it feels like I'm running a military boot camp. I'm talking enforced park time, extra swimming, walking for miles and time in the garden. When bedtimes get bad we up the physical exercise so that they at least have no physical reason to not be sleepy. I'm dreading when he stops being in reception and has to sit at a desk for a lot of the day, I guess we will have to start doing after school marathons or something.
- back to PJs, ours sleeps well in a fluffy top on top of his PJs but not in a fleecy onesie, the other really likes wearing socks in bed. Maybe trialling a few new sleeping outfits might help?
- blackout blinds as the nights are getting lighter
Something that stuck with me recently was that ND kids don't always need exactly the same thing, sometimes they need a bit of novelty built in to engage with a process but the bones of the operation to be the same because otherwise the boredom is a scary feeling.
You could also keep a sleep diary and consider going to the gp for melatonin or further support.
Like I said, we never got to the bottom of it, but sleep regression is a killer. If you can, try to tap in with someone else- an hour on and an hour off bedtiming might help. Make a grown up sticker chart for yourself and get the requisite amounts of chocolate in and a decent book.
Sending lots of sleepy vibes to your LO!