Firstly as above I'm scared and unsure so please be gentle with me.
I recently began a foster to adopt placement of a very little one which I've been looking forward to for a long time. It's very unlikely they'd go back to birth family of any kind. Baby is easy as babies go and very sweet. However much as I'm trying, though also trying to relax about it at the same time, I feel very distant from baby and like I'm practicing affection and love rather than actually doing it if that makes any sense. I'm also on my own though I do have a very good support network. I'm finding it far more difficult than I could have imagined though in a sense there's nothing practically wrong. And I'm terrified that I've done the wrong thing for me and little one though I know I'm good with children and experienced and have a reasonable understanding of trauma etc. I have long term health stuff going on which was largely under control but this past few weeks things have flared up massively which has been so hard and I dont know if it's a one off or if I hugely underestimated health things. I don't know what to doqa For various reasons a lot of the Social Work meetings haven't happened yet either. My friends and networks are so supportive and I think they'd be devastated if things went wrong. Maybe its fine and I just need to calm down, I really dont know. I don't know anyone who I feel like I can admit this to in real life so I'm here. Thers probably more thoughts whirling around in my head but that's all I can manage for now. Sorry...
Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.
Adoption
Scared and very unsure
Pickle53 · 20/02/2024 16:16
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rushandpush · 21/02/2024 14:30
I would encourage you to be completely honest with yourself and not be frightened of your honesty. I am sure you have very high expectations of yourself and that can be so tiring.
Please do not take on any pressure, real or imagined, from friends and family. While they are your support network, it is your life and the life of the child. If you decide it's not for you, know that you have made the right decision - you might have some what ifs, almost inevitable, but struggling on against your true feelings might make your health worse and could create resentment.
In your heart of hearts do you know your true feelings ? It might just be a wobble or it could be you are worried to admit the truth to yourself ?
Ted27 · 24/02/2024 10:35
@Pickle53
Hi, the thing that sticks out for me here is the health issue.
Do you think this is the root cause of your concerns?
I'm not asking you to tell us what it is, I assume it's something manageable otherwise you wouldn't have been approved and placed with a baby.
Lots of people get ill when a child first arrives- the stress, anticipation, lack of sleep, just the whole thing can knock even the healthiest person for 6.
Could this be part of it?
It's also been cold, wet and miserable. Lighter days are here, spring is on its way, you will be able to get out and about more which will lift your spirits.
Remember that your life has now changed forever. This baby will have been in your life, you will have been a mummy ( even if it doesn't feel like it at the moment) and then they will be gone. Can you imagine your life if they were gone? Is that the life you want ? If they go it will be a loss for you.
It is a question that only you can really answer. And it's so hard when you are single, even when you have great support.
Struggling in the early days is so very common, you are not alone in that.
If want you really want is to be this baby's mum, you can make it work.
Good luck with it all, don't rush into anything you may regret.
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