What do you share with school?

[EG88]

I'm thinking ahead to September and a primary school start date and I was looking for advice on how much to share with the pastoral care leader. Until now, I'm the only person who knows LOs story. I want to protect their story but I also want to ensure that someone at school understands LO completely. Did you share with a senior staff member on the understanding that class teachers only needed to know details as and when necessary? I want to strike a ballance between privacy and informed/attuned care and I would welcome advice on how to do this. Thanks x

In my experience schools err on the side of sharing too little with teachers, so teachers often don't understand the severity of what happened, misinterpret behaviours and sometimes lack compassion. I usually share in general terms along the lines of "has experienced severe neglect and abuse, has not always had enough xy, does this and that when highly anxious...". I might also explain eg. that children who have experienced abuse are often very focused on those around them as a survival mechanism and struggle to focus on academics due to that. That has worked well for us. My children are older now and one of them explains this stuff to teachers herself. She makes sure they understand where she is coming from and that it is not because she doesn't want to learn or isn't trying. Teachers love her.

We have had to share a considerable amount with school. To give you an example, recently our school was inspected and they were in all the classes observing and talking to children. One of my LOs struggled dreadfully the week leading up to and the week of and after the inspection, still not really settled yet weeks later. Meltdowns for hours, night after night and challenging behaviour during school time. I had to remind the school of my LOs needs due to trauma so they could support her. She thought that the inspectors were going to say she had to move away from us, she couldn't articulate it but it's how her brain works, adults in authority get to make decisions about you and you don't get a say, this essentially happened to get 3 times so experience says it could happen. School really need to understand this so they can support her through it. I gave the school a copy of Sarah Naish's A to Z for schools, that certainly opened their eyes, let's them see how bad things can be for LAC without having to say it all.

I used to do an A4 info sheet for the class teacher at the start of September each year, definitely not assuming that info would be passed on as part of handover.

I shared any info I thought was relevant. A bit on background, a bit on current issues, curriculum points which could be triggers, and an in bold no photos to go on website / press. As per @onlytherain I shared general background but no specifics, I didn't think they were needed.

This continued on to the tutor in secondary school too.
At secondary DD had a SEN 'passport' that we had input to. These passports were online so all class teachers could see specific info.

She had an EHCP for college.

To my mind the teacher who really needs info is the class teacher.

Another good book is The Trauma & Attachment Aware Classroom, and I think there is an info sheet online searchable that is useful re school starts. I would write down relevant things and discuss with the senco, and definitely safeguarding things like no photos, think around things like school plays etc that parents inevitably film and put on social media despite being told not to - I will request a masked position in nativity plays for example. You dont need to give detailed accounts, just what helps them understand why things may be challenging etc. And to discuss with you when it is, or when things like family trees are going to be done in school so you are aware etc, things like that.

I always go on a need to know basis. What does the class teacher need to know to make sure my child gets their needs met? They will be looking after your child for most of the day, so you need to be confident that they will do the right thing by your child. I approach it in terms of needs. My child needs a quiet space they can go to when overwhelmed (not the generic one as if they are overwhelmed they can’t be near anyone). My child needs to bring an item from home in their pocket. I talk about trauma in a wider sense but ask the teacher to speak to me about any unusual behaviour or if my child doesn’t seem themselves. We can work it out together. If I am not with my child I don’t know what happened but if they have had a melt down, I would hope the teacher could talk to me about it and we can work out why. I have the info based on trauma, they have the specific incident.

also, meet with the teacher before the start of term. Remind them to talk to you before any family work.

Over the years, the school have gotten to know my child really well and meet their needs but it was a difficult start for all. Keep dialogue open and definitely be that parent. Your child needs you to be

All these replies have been extremely helpful and I feel much more certain about how to address things. Thank you x

We go on a need to know basis. One of our main issues was around youngest and food. He couldn't cope with his lunchbox being put on a trolley out of sight as he always needed to know he would be fed (we have huge trauma around food). So he was allowed to keep his in class and also had additional snacks on hand. He rarely ate the additional snacks but needed to know they were there.

I always briefed the new teacher at the beginning of each year with the basics and the effect on his behaviour.

It fell on deaf ears even with the best teachers.

EG - before starting primary "please let me know if you're planning on any projects requiring family trees or baby photos as we need to discuss with DS how it applies to him in advance.... next week DS brings home project combining both family tree AND baby photos stressed about what he is to do.

The only thing which was stuck after I reinforced it repeatedly - DS must have a water bottle on his person. NOT "access to water". He panicked wihtout his own water supply as he had at times been kept short of a drink. They found it hard to grasp but I understand as it's a lack of experience/imagination. They did eventually after several melt downs but just listening to/beleiving me would have been easier.

Yes our water issue was similar to your food issue.

I spoke to my childs teachers in primary school at the beginning of each year.
I just give them the heads up in case it come up. Dd didn't have any significant issues.
She started talking about it herself in year 5.

Posted to soon! I didn't share much detail as I've always said it's not my place. Saying that it might have been different if dd had had significant issues.

I actually shared a whole lot with my DD teachers and SENCO as I felt it was really necessary for them to understand her needs and why she is behaving in that manner. I trust them with that information and I think it has made a difference to what they have put in place for her. I think it really depends on the scenario. I think if she didn't behave in some quirky ways, I probably wouldn't have shared so much.

School know he’s adopted and that’s it unless they need to know more in future. My LO didn’t live with birth family so no memories he may share with them and he doesn’t have triggers etc currently

I’m a teacher and a parent of an adopted child. It is incredibly frustrating when I don’t know information that would make a difference to how I can support a child. If I don’t know about it then I can’t do anything about it.
Because of this we have shared all information with my child’s teachers and it has been brilliant. All of them have really understood their problems.

Currently they are taking four academic A levels after passing 10 GCSE’s. Couldn’t be prouder.