How old is too old to start the adoption process?

[JeanTangerine]

Hello. I've been considering adoption for a few years, have posted on here before under a different name and everyone was very nice and helpful.

I'm 43 now. About a year ago I went along to an open evening at my LA and spoke to a social worker. When she heard I was planning to move house she said it would be better to wait until I'd moved before starting the process which I understood. So I kind of put adoption thoughts on the back burner, moved in October and am now feeling settled in my new house.

I'm wondering if it's getting to be too late to start the process as a single adopter, especially as I would ideally love to adopt a 2-4 year old.

I also think that maybe if I was really motivated to adopt I wouldn't have basically wasted a year and would have moved house quicker, got back in touch with the LA late last year etc. But that's just me, I take a long time to mull things over!

I'd be interested to hear anyone's experiences as a single adopter in your mid 40s. Thank you so much!

[startatthegin]

I would say 80 is probably too old for most people? For a 2-4 year old, a fit 50 year old with no family history of early cancer/heart disease is fine. 43 is nothing.

Women can conceive naturally until 55.

The important thing is health, fitness, and energy levels for a lively young child, then experience and patience for the teens.

I personally wouldn't be wanting to be in my 80s with a child in their 20s, for both our sakes. But other than that, you have loads of time to get sorted.

[Torvy]

The people in our adoption group were significantly older than us and most have been placed with children of that age.

At early to mid 30s most people commented on how young we were to be going through the process, so by those comments, I would say it is definitely not too late!

Also, mulling things over is no bad thing, bit I would caution that the process has lots of mulling time built in, whether intentionally or not. Personally, if you want to go for it, I would suggest starting the ball rolling if it is what you want because you can always pause and take a break if you want, but it is frustrating when you have to wait extra on top of that time.

Best of luck!

[Ted27]

Hi
@JeanTangerine

I'm a single adopter. I started the process when I was 42. I had a few delays, not uncommon but I was at the extreme end.
I was just shy of 47 when my nearly 8 year old came home.
I always wanted an 'older' child ie school age so he was a bit older than I imagined but he was the child who stood out to me.
So no I don't think you are too old.
What I do say to every single prospective adopter is think very carefully about the age of the child. Not just because of how old you will be when they are teens but practical things like childcare (costs a fortune) much cheaper if they are in school. It's much easier to get out with an older child. I think I would have gone bananas if Id had a 2 year old in bed at 6.30 and long evenings on my own.
There is lots to consider- it's fine to take your time. It's a big decision

[Jellycatspyjamas]

My 4 year old was placed with me aged 44, like @Ted27 i knew I wanted older children - my DS started school just as I was ending adoption leave. You’re definitely not too old.

[Bethebest]

Definitely not too old. Newborn dd placed when I was 42. Not the oldest on the school run by a long way.

[mumof2many1943]

You are definitely not too old I was 65 and DH was 62 when our DD was placed with us age 3 She did have complex health needs but it worked out brilliantly! Good luck .

[JeanTangerine]

Ah thank you everyone for your words of reassurance. You've really given me hope.
And @Ted27 appreciate the advice to think carefully about the age of the child. I'd initially thought 2-4 as I was basing it on my experience with my nieces and nephew. But it's obviously totally different when it's your child so I'll give it a lot more thought.

[Jobionekenobi]

I was 42 and husband was 43. dd was 3 when she came home to us. However, one thing I will say is that I'm probably more tired and less fit than a younger parent!

[Kewcumber]

@Jobionekenobi

I was 42 and husband was 43. dd was 3 when she came home to us. However, one thing I will say is that I'm probably more tired and less fit than a younger parent!

I was younger than some adoptive paretns as there is a 40 year age gap between DS and I and to be honest that's not uncommon round here in birth families so it was never really an issue.

Though in addition to it being more tiring with a toddler in your 40's don't underestimate the unholy convergance of menopause and teenage years! But we have survived... so far 😁

[easilydistracted1]

Early 40s is young in adoption terms. I know of 55 year olds with toddlers. Personally I think they're slightly mad but it works. The cut off is usually what you can realistic handle. We keep nearly being ready to apply then something comes up like moves, illness, finances etc. We want to be raring to go and have a smooth process when we do apply

[Italiangreyhound]

I am not single but I adopted our 3 year old son at about age 49.

So 43 is young!

I also had a number of delays as I had fertility treatment first, over a long period of time. I feel like making the decision does take time. Being settled in your new home, making new local friends or at least contacts etc is important and so it was right to look into adoption after your move.

Good luck.

[cordeliachaseatemyhandbag]

I've known some placers to have a policy of no more than a 40 year age gap. But I think 1 or 2 years out of this should be ok.

[Jellycatspyjamas]

Though in addition to it being more tiring with a toddler in your 40's don't underestimate the unholy convergance of menopause and teenage years! But we have survived... so far

I’m living this special kind of hell just now. Menopause and teenage girl hormones are quite the combination.

[Kewcumber]

@Jellycatspyjamas

Though in addition to it being more tiring with a toddler in your 40's don't underestimate the unholy convergance of menopause and teenage years! But we have survived... so far

I’m living this special kind of hell just now. Menopause and teenage girl hormones are quite the combination.

If I said menopause, teenage son, covid, new boyfriend (for me not boy child!) - would that bring you out in a cold sweat?