Please can anyone advise us. We have two adopted DD's. They are not biologically related. Our youngest DD is 4. She is disabled, NAS, FAS, genetic disorder. We have just found out that she has a full birth sibling. A boy who was born in June. He was approved for adoption in November. He was matched and the matching panel is in March 2024. SW has just called me to tell me. We have always wanted three. We are shocked and to be honest upset. I have spoken to her again and asked her why we were not told or considered. she mumbled something about data protection and that we had a lot on our plates which we do as both our children are disabled and i am in the middle of EHCP process which is grim. Eldest is 11 and in therapy and on medication for SEMH.
I have emailed the SW and family finder to put our case forward namely that we are stable and he has same profile as my youngest.
Surely they are duty bound to have let us know about him and to have at least asked us if we wanted to be considered. Surely my DD has a right to a chance of a life with her brother. Doesn't he?
any advice would be hugely appreciated.
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Adoption
DD Full birth sibling to be adopted but we only just found out! we want him....
paperweight5 · 04/01/2024 11:58
somethingelsa · 04/01/2024 13:38
I was in this position.
Should they consult you and consider placement? Yes.
Can you make them? No. Or not without a lot of fight and heartache if they have a placement lined up they want.
There is no appeal at matching stage, it can come down to the whims of one social worker. You can't make them take you to panel. I tried. We'd been reapproved, and had we gone to panel, I believe the sibling would have been placed. One social worker came in late, didn't support the match, tore us apart on paper to prove his opinion, and despite complaining etc, we failed.
At this stage, I would focus on ensuring contact between siblings.
Ted27 · 04/01/2024 19:47
@paperweight5
fundamentally I don’t disagree with you. Yes you should have been told, and there should have been at least a discussion with you.
But having been well and truly through the wringer with a similar situation, the LA will decided what it thinks is right for the child and sometimes you have to let it go for your own sanity.
My son’s sibling is not in a good place, still in the care system. My son grieves for him. We are both helpless but have had to put some distance between us.
I also wouldnt be surprised if birth mum, pops at least another one out. There were 13 years between my son’s sibling and the next two, who are only 2 years apart.
Chocapple · 04/01/2024 19:23
So sorry to hear about this.
My understanding has always been that the Placing LA is supposed to FIRST approach the Adopters of any current siblings to see if they are interested.
PicaK · 20/01/2024 08:53
Because adoption is about the needs of the child. The child deserves to be placed in a home where they have the maximum amount of time and attention so they have the most potential to thrive. Your family set up just isn't conducive to that. Links to bio siblings are important but you can put that in place.
Put the child first.
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