Ending the adoption wait.

[HIPPYCHICK74]

Hi
just wondering if anyone has decided to actually end their adoption journey? I'm 4 yrs post approval as a single adopter, with never a successful match or chosen family, approaching 50, hit the menopause like a tonne of bricks & now wondering if I'm actually capable of this now. Obviously don't want to make any rash decisions but would be useful to hear any one else's experiences of ending their journey.

[Ted27]

@HIPPYCHICK74

its a tough decision.
it took me four years to get through from start to bringing a child home, although only a short time was waiting to be matched, although it took 9 months to get him home after I found him, so I can appreciate your frustrations. I came close to walking away a few times.

I’m sure you will have talked to your SW about it, why do they think there has never been a link? Are they actively working to find you a match or leaving it to you?
I think I carried on because I knew if I stopped I would need something else, to make another big change in my life, I couldnt just have carried on with my life as it was. And I couldnt think of anything else I wanted as much. A friend of my was going through IVF, their ‘back up’ plan was to emigrate to Australia - but she had a partner.
If you were to give this up, have you thought about how you see your future?

[Hels20]

Hi HippyChick - such a hard decision. The endless waiting is hard and only you know the reasons given to you by your SW. A friend of mine has just adopted a little girl of 2 at 48 and she only had a six month wait. Do you have narrow criteria? Have you been shown lots of profiles? Were you shown some profiles and then you turned them down? I did feel when I adopted a second time that the SWs were a bit impatient with me as I had lots of questions and they threatened to place our “almost match” with someone else / I could sort of see it from their point of view but I obviously did need to be sure.

perhaps adoption might not be for you now. Perhaps you could look into fostering or in a few years time take on a struggling teen. Families come in all shapes and sizes. Good luck.

[Ted27]

Now I can speak from the point of view of being a foster carer, albeit a very new one, who has had an older child placed, I can't emphasise enough how different an experience this is.
I am determined to do my best for this young man, and the plan is that he will stay with me until he is 18, but l I can already see that I have a boundary in my head that if it is crossed, I will end the placement. I never had any such thoughts about my adopted child.
A teenager who has been in residential care will have been through a heck of a lot.
This child calls me mum, he calls my parents nanny and grandad. He desperately wants to be part of a family but in truth has no clue how to be part of one. I have a toddler in a body almost as tall as me.
It's much harder than my son was, and emotionally for me it's a world away

[HIPPYCHICK74]

Thank you guys for your input, lots of things to consider going forward, a back up plan and other family options.