Unexpected correspondence

[CharlieSays13]

Evening. We've been thrown a bit of a curve ball and I would appreciate your thoughts.

We have been forwarded a letter by the LA we adopted with from a solicitor dealing with the estate of our children's birth grandparent who it seems has recently sadly died.

The letter isn't very well written which has immediately put our backs up however we're trying to appreciate that it's just how solicitors put things. It states that they need to contact our children. I suspect that they have been named in their Will. We have a court ordered non-disclosure so the birth family do not know our address or surname, at the moment it is imperative that this does not change. Our children were put at significant risk by their birth parents and were not safeguarded by the wider family.

Has anyone come across this before? We're not sure how we feel about it and what we should do next. Morally should our children inherit from a family they are no longer legally related to? Is that even possible without disclosing our surname and address? Also morally is it our decision to make? Our children are still quite young.

I've recently lost my last remaining parent very suddenly and unexpectedly and we are dealing with that at the moment. Our LOs have taken yet another lose in their short lives very hard and need at lot of support to work through their feelings.

[redressgirl]

Tbh you need to get proper advice on this

[Italiangreyhound]

I would speak to a legal expert. The money (if this is what it is) could presumably be held in trust for them to decide when they are older.

[UnderTheNameOfSanders]

I agree you should speak to a solicitor.
I see no moral issue though, their birth grandparent explicitly wanted to leave them money - that's a nice thing in my book. They don't need to know about it until they are adults.
It just needs to be done in such a way that you can be 100% confident the birth family don't know their new names.

[CharlieSays13]

Anything we do will be through the solicitor that worked through our adoption, that should be enough to keep the non-disclosure in place.

I'm trying to unpick how I'm feeling, how my husband feels and how our LOs may feel in the future. They're too young to be involved in any decision right now so the onus is on us to make the right one. There is 3 of them who all have very different views and experience of their life so far.

You're right @UnderTheNameOfSanders it is a nice thing and I suspect it's trying to right a wrong in the only way they could. It's important that our LOs know this. However a big wrong was done to them by this person, currently 2 of my LOs want nothing to do with their birth family, if we agree to anything on their behalf it will affect our relationship if we get it wrong and it feels like we can't get it right for all 3 of them. I'm feeling pretty conflicted and a bit angry at being put in this position. That's probably more to do with losing my own parent though.

[UnderTheNameOfSanders]

I think you can't turn down money on their behalf.
If when they are 18 they want nothing to do with it they can give it way.
Hopefully they will see it is partial reparation or something.

[Ted27]

I agree with @UnderTheNameOfSanders

stash it in a savings account or trust fund which they cannot access until they are 25, when they would hopefully be mature enough to make a considered decision about it.

[Jellycatspyjamas]

I agree too, put it in a secure account and they can decide when they are older - I think 25 is a good age because they’ll be able to understand the difference having some money behind them can make, while also having a better sense of the impact of their early years.

[CharlieSays13]

Thanks for your thoughts everyone, much appreciated. Put in trust until they are 25 and then they can decide for themselves if they want to accept it or not is the way we are thinking.

[UnderTheNameOfSanders]

Unfortunately I'm not sure you get the option to put it in trust post 18.
If in the Will it said in trust to 25 you'll be OK, but I don't think you can unilaterally decide to keep it from them once they are legally adults.

Which is of course an issue. Our wills have 25 in them because we think 18 is too young.

You'll need legal advice.

[onlytherain]

If one of your children does not want the money, they could always give it to charity or to the other siblings.

[LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood]

Your solicitor will help you with the non disclosure issues.

it might help you to know that the choice of what to do with the money will be determined by the terms of the will. It may be age contingent or held in trust or an outright gift. If the latter then the children will come into the money with they are 18 and can choose themselves to accept or decline it. You are not legally entitled to decline the bequest on their behalf. So to that extent, whilst the news is no doubt unsettling, you don’t need to anguish over a decision. As it’s not yours to make. Similarly, if the bequest is not age contingent you won’t be able to change the terms and make it so. More will be revealed once you find out the terms of the will.

I am sorry for your own loss. Loss of a parent is very hard.