Help with playdates

[Gafan]

Hi
My AS is 7.5 and we have had him 5 years. He's very popular and friendly and generally gets invited to all the birthday parties and playdates.
I'm struggling with him with playdates he is just so hyper, screams goes mad running round etc and doesn't listen we generally cut them short or when there over I am shattered with the constant stress they bring.
It's not the same if we go out but he's constantly moaning about wherever we are and much prefer friends to our house.
I'm after advice as do I completely cancel them but he will miss out over the summer, and tbh I could do with a mum friend now and again so I would miss out.
I have cancelled them, scaled them back it's just like he's a completely different child when he's doing it.
Am I expecting too much at his age to be able to participate in them?
Do I leave him at playdates on his own as that seems the norm with our class friends but I have not so far.
Any advice is welcome 🙂

[UnderTheNameOfSanders]

I'm sure you have done all this already, but just in case, my suggestions would be

• keep it time limited
• have a 'plan' in advance including maybe some calming activities (lego? craft?)
• talk through behaviour expectations in advance

[tonyhawks23]

So my DD is nearly 8 and her playdates are exactly this -7 girls running around wild screaming,chaos and I find it really stressful so don't do them often,tend to do an occasion one.my DH doesn't find it stressful as he expects it and finds it ok.only thing calms them is popcorn and a movie after a big run around.
My ds 9 is very different,no chaos just gaming,much easier!
I guess I'd say don't worry too much,you probably feel it more than the friends do if you see what I mean.can you leave them to it with a movie/gaming?
I would limit to short time that helps,or do park play dates if easier?
Id chat to the other parents,if they are happy to be left him,he may even behave better without you?you can say to call you if too much to collect early,don't make it an issue just take him for chips or something so not upset he's going before the others?I think will depend on their parents,I defo see playdates as likely carnage when they all get together.

[sunshineandskyscrapers]

When you talk about the screaming and running around, is he doing a similar amount of screaming and running around to his peers, and is he happy with it, but it's you who doesn't like the noise?
Or is his behaviour inconstant with his peers and putting his emotions on a knife-edge so that he's quickly upset. This level of dysregulation might indicate some sensory processing difficulties, which are not uncommon among adopted children.

Speaking for myself and my seven-year-old, playdates are nearly always on neutral ground like a park or soft play. It's less intense, as they don't feel like they have to do everything together, and there's no bickering over who is doing what with whose toys. It also allows for check-ins to keep emotions and behaviours on track, but enough independence that mums can have a decent chat uninterrupted.

My son has made it clear that he doesn't want other children in our house and I respect that so it doesn't happen. We have had some successful playdates at other people's houses if we don't stay for too long. But generally it's park play dates for the win.