Single parent adoption

[umbrellie]

I'm beginning to look into the possibility of adoption in the future.
I'm a single person and would be adopting as a single parent.

Can anyone direct me towards any single person adoption blogs etc? I'd really like to hear about other people experiences in the same situation.

Thanks!

[tonyhawks23]

Have you seen adoption UK?they have zoom meet ups that are really helpful as well as so many many webinars a good start.

[sunshineandskyscrapers]

I am a single adopter and I know there are a few of of us on here.

I read the book Flying Solo, by Julia Wise, when I first started looking into adoption, which is one woman's story of single adopter parenthood,, and a very accessible read.

[Ted27]

hi @umbrellie

I dont really do blogs but agree about the Adoption UK webinars.
As a single adopter with 11 years on the clock here is my tuppence worth

Make sure you are financially stable. This doesnt necessarily mean you need loads of savings, I had very little. But think about how you will fund a year adoption leave, could you afford to go part time if you needed to. You may qualify for some benefits, but you can’t rely on getting them.
Do a budget - can you afford a child.

Your home - if you own your house get any major works out of the way now. I had a lot of work done before my son came home, electrics, new kitchen, plastering. I’ve done the bare minimum of maintenance over the last 11 years and its showing, I dread to think what it would be like if I hadnt done the work before.
If you rent, is your tenancy secure.
Work- how flexible is your job/workplace. Could you go part time, do the school run? take time out for appointments, get to the nativity play etc etc
Childcare - what are your thoughts? Childcare is hideously expensive. School holidays - there are 13 weeks, plus teacher training days, and random things like strikes, snow days. How would you cover this. I always needed to use at least a week unpaid parental leave.
Support network - Ive never met an adopter yet whose support network did not change after their child came home. Mine is much bigger as I have gravitated towards fellow adopters and parents of children with ASD. I still have a core of family and friends from when I started out. I think its as important that you show you know how to access support and make new connections as to have it all in place when you start.
Think about what needs you can support and the age of the child you would like to adopt. More will be known about ‘older’ children, ie school age, so you will have a better idea of their needs. School age children will also reduce your child care costs.
Thats probably enough to be thinking about !

[umbrellie]

Thank you for all the advice so far!

Ted - that's all super helpful. I'm not looking to adopt immediately, it would be a few years down the line but I thought I should start dipping my toe in as I know it's not a quick process :)

I own my home and it's nearly all finished, just a few decorative things to do.

I run my own business so can be as flexible as needed. My only concern is I'm the only employee too so if I'm not working, I'm not earning.

Childcare - my parents would help out and my siblings too to an extent. They are a good support network :) but as I said, I can be flexible if needed with work. I currently work Monday - Friday but if I want to book time off, I just book it. No bosses to work around haha!

I'd really like to adopt a baby, but I think that's easier if you go the foster to adopt route, but the obvs run the risk of the birth parent changing their mind... please correct me if I'm wrong!

[Ted27]

@umbrellie

I would work very hard on my finances as you are self employed. You do need to finance adoption leave.
Its also tempting to think that you could work in the evenings or when they have gone to bed.
Even though my son was school age, I don’t think I was capable of work that first year, if forced to I would of course have done so but I don’t think I would have been a great employee and probably not the mum I wanted to be or he needed me to be.

[PoppyStellar]

Hi OP, I’m a single adopter, about 10 years in. @Ted27 advice is great.

What I’ve found as a single adopter is that support network is key. Like Ted mine looks very different to what it did during the application process and I’ve been fortunate to make lots of connections with other local adopters over the years which has been invaluable when needing to vent / share or just be with people who ‘get’ the added complexities and challenges of adoption over and above standard parenting.

I’d also agree re thinking carefully about finances and work. I ended up taking redundancy after adoption leave which gave me extra time off and a bit of a lump sum to live off for a short while but had to go back to work when DD started school. Childcare is expensive, I worked part time for a few years but that accrued some debt which I’m still paying off. I work full time and that brings its own challenges but am lucky to work term time only. I didn’t have any savings but had done a lot of financial planning, including what benefits we’d be entitled to (though agree you can’t rely on these) but SWs were happy with the planning and my particular circs which being a public sector worker meant a degree of stability in my earning capacity and job security.

Good luck with it, the process can be tough but it is without doubt the best decision I ever made (and now teenage DD still agrees!)