Trust with our LO

[littlepoppet30]

Morning! LO4 has been home only 16 weeks, so it's still early days. As he's started to get more comfortable with us, we're starting to see more of the real him which has been lovely.

With that he's becoming more playful and confident with other children, leaving our side... but he also struggles with over excitement and hearing others when they want to stop play, and he can be a bit heavy handed. He bashes around as if he's not aware of how it feels to bump his body, or to keep his body safe. So when I talk about how it feels to use rough hands on other people and this can hurt, it's as if he doesn't get it.
He's still only 4 so I know some of this is usual behaviour, and other parents just say it's 'boys'.
But this morning he walked up to a little boy (sibling of someone at pre-school), I'd say under 2, and was trying to hug him, and touch his head. He loves little ones, and is a tactile boy! He was being gentle, but because of the other behaviours, I feel I've become a helicopter anxious parent scared he's going to be rough.

I stepped in and spoke to my LO about the fact we didn't know this little boy, so we shouldn't touch. And I talked about soft hands (not that he'd been rough) 🙃. You could see he was just utterly confused and shamed by my stepping in. I worry that I just don't trust what he'll do yet, and acted too soon.

Can anyone advise on how they'd react with this sort of behaviour. Do I need to step back a bit. Was I right to step in as it was a younger child, there was a lot of parents around.
I know it's minor and there's lots of other things going on, but it's an area that seems to be taking a lot of my headspace currently.
Thank you!

[Ted27]

I think I would have a look into sensory processing.
There is a book called Raising the Sensory Smart Child. It has some good checklists- explained a lot about my son!

[Misstabithabean]

It sounds like you are questioning the way you handled the situation but I think you did the right thing by stepping in. You were helping your child understand consent and that hugs are best kept for people we know and that it's a good idea to ask if you can touch another person first. Some little ones are quite happy with hugs or rough play but others less so. My little boy will freeze if a hug or touch comes out of no where from a child he's not comfortable with and other times he will initiate a hug if it's a friend he's comfortable with.

It's early days for your little one but also for you with being a parent and you probably will spend a lot of time helicoptering and wondering about behaviours. (I know I do and I'm five years in!)

You could try talking about ways to be /play with other children just before you are arriving at the park or preschool so your son has it in mind when he's approaching a situation. E.g. "When you see George you could say hello or give him a wave." If you feel like you don't want to be stepping in all the time you could always comment after the situation "I noticed you wanted to hug George. I wonder if he wanted a hug?" opening a discussion about noticing body language in others. Also talk after about any desirable behaviours "I noticed you used gentle hands /kind words when you were playing with George"