Adopting an 8 month old - what do we need??

[AP38]

We are hopefully going to be adopting an 8 month old, and are currently panicking about all the things we don't have! What does a child of that age need?

A cot, a pushchair, clothes and some toys.

You'll need bottles and a steriliser but don't go nuts as you'll only need those for about 4 months.

I agree with getting a cheap steriliser - don’t bother with an electric one.
We also got:
Pushchair (again, don’t go mad with a big huge this as it’s really not worth it. Try and get parent facing if you can).
A sling
A baby gym
High chair (the ikea ones are so cheap and really good)
Travel cot (which we used a lot)
Bath seat (our DC the wasn’t sitting when they arrived)
Some clothes and toys - DC came with 3 pairs of too small leggings and a couple of tops. No toys.

Sleeping bag (don’t get cot bumpers).

Gosh, I feel excited for you. This brings back memories!

Find out what he is coming with from the foster carer.

You will need a buggy and car seat straight away. I would say a highchair is essential too and would recommend the IKEA one. You will need a cut but everything else is wait to see what the foster carer is sending or you may end up with duplicates.

Baby monitor. I had one which was audio only, which was absolutely fine, but a lot people get video monitors now. It also doubled as a room thermometer. Obviously review the baby proofing of your house, but no doubt you're on top of that.

Get a couple of waterproof matress protectors (one is not enough) for your cot mattress as well as sheets.

And just to demonstrate that you do need to find out what they are bringing, DS came with more than enough clothing for a year, most of it new with tags, sleeping bags, toys, nappies, creams, lotions, weaning spoons, bowls, bath seat ... None of that is a given though as you'll see upthread, so best to find out.

Cot, blankets, pushchair/buggy, high chair or booster seat, bottles or drinking cup (whichever they are used to, ask), basic clothes and a few toys - don't go overboard because they may need different size or stage from their age. Baby monitor is useful as is a playpen or travel cot for downstairs if they are mobile to keep them safe when you need to cook/use toilet/go to the door.

Unlessyour little one is severely delayed they wont need a baby gym - by 8 months they're usually sitting up/crawling/starting to pull themselves up. An activity table with a seat you pop them in, or a jumperoo, would be more age appropriate. You want to avoid using these too much as they aren't great for development but they are a lifesaver if you need to put baby somewhere safe for a few minutes while you go to the loo/make a cup of tea (maybe even drink it if you're lucky!)/put the hoover round etc.

I would highly recommend a carrier. There's some debate about how healthy forward facing front wearing ones are for developing hips, but babies do love the view they give! Your decision. I think one will be invaluable though for helping build a bond between you.

Muslins. You can never have too many!!

A baby change bag with a fold up nappy change mat that lives inside

Some toys, though not too many! Fewer high quality ones are best. Try to avoid flashy plastic talking toys - maybe look at Lovevery or similar subscription services that send you a few high quality age appropriate toys each month.

Books! You'll want a few 'That's not My...' and lift the flap books. 'Where's Spot' is very popular.

Find out if your baby is used to a particular white noise machine or mobile and buy the same one.

A car seat. Look into extended rear facing before you make your purchase.

A nightlight for the bedroom. Black out blinds are very helpful in the summer too!

A kit of 'poorly baby' stuff, Calpol, teething gel and the like.

Bath stuff and washing detergent identical to what the foster carers use. At least at first. It sounds like such a little thing but the baby will feel reassured by familiar scents.

Baby gates and general baby proofing for the house. Your little one will be raiding cupboards before you know it! Look around your living room, baby's room and kitchen and see what potential hazards there are - glass top coffee tables, a TV that can be pulled down, book shelf that could topple etc. and get them sorted. Your garden too.

A snuggledry towel! OK, not essential, but a good idea!

Oh yes it wasn’t a baby gym, it was an activity table!

Have you met with the foster carers yet? They should be able to give you a good understanding of your child's needs. There can be massive differences between 8 month olds (my eldest didn't walk until 15 months whereas my youngest was off toddling confidently by 9 months).

Things that have been mentioned to hold off on buying until you do:
(1) slings - they are great for bonding but if a child has never used one before coming to you it's a big change to their routine
(2) parent facing push chair - neither of my kids would've appreciated this as they liked to see the world around them from a very young age. If you do, consider getting one that goes either way. Again a child who is used to foraged face might not appreciate only being able to look at you all the time.
(3) clothes and car seats - don't buy until you have the child's measurements to make sure you get the right one. Would definitely recommend spending extra on a rotating car seat if you can afford it as they make life so much easier
(4) baby bottles- check the brand matches the one foster carers use. Some carers will send the bottles with the child but others don't. Same with dummies.
(5) sleeping bags. Only buy if they are already using them otherwise wait and see
(6) night lights and noise machines - again check what the carers already use.

One final thing you say you are hopefully going to be adopting an 8 month old, what age will they actually be when they come home? Our eldest match was made when they were 8 months old but didn't come home until she was 13 months.

@SuperSocks that’s not necessarily the case at all about babies’ capabilities at 8 months. Our DD wasn’t severely delayed but she was neglected by FC and left in a rocker for hours on end so couldn’t sit independently and was miles off pulling herself up or crawling. We found a little baby gym very helpful, along with some toys that helped with tummy time.

How exciting OP !

Lots of really good tips up thread from PP's.

Regardless of what the FC's say you wont know what you'll get until your LO comes home.

My son (4 at Placement) was apparently going to come with everything he needed. Most of it was broken, dirty or too small and went straight in the bin.

The only other thing I will add is that as per PP's your LO may be delayed and may need things appropriate for much younger children e.g rattles.

E.g my son is now 6 and he plays with toddler toys. He wears pull ups at home and has teething rings, milk/juice in bottles as he needs the Nurture having missed out on so much as a baby/toddler. Basically he's a toddler all round.

Wishing you all the best and we're all here for you if you have any other questions, concerns, need to vent etc.

!!

Nothing to add to all the wise posts above but just jumping on to wish you luck and congratulations. Exciting times. X

How exciting for you OP. My five year old came wearing age 2-3 clothing, he was in 1st percentile for height and 3rd for weight, and no basics like slippers even. He had 1 pair of grubby PJ's, and no coat even to though he came to us in early March. 10 years later he has caught up height and weight and is a lovely happy child.

@Rainallnight Gosh that's terrible!! I really hope they've been 'struck off' or whatever the fostering equivalent is! Your poor little munchkin.

I think FCs often hold off buying too much clothes-wise once they know a child is going to be placed, as they know adopters want to buy their own style of clothes.

Ah congratulations !

All the things pps have said especially car seat, pram, high chair (ikea are the best), cheap steriliser and bottles. Also toddler plastic cutlery / plates as they’ll likely be part weaned or you’ll be weaning them, Tommy tippee cups

Clothes wise I’d also get 9-12 month and 12-18 months too just in case, my second DS had a growth spurt almost straight away and needed the next size up

Change mat, baby towels, and a changing station - even just a big box with all your nappies, wipes, bags, Sudocrem etc. Baby bath / wash abs some toys like cups / ducks and also a supply of calpol (and sachets for whilst you are out) and teething powders.

Get yourself a good change bag too - and pack a spare outfit, nappies, bags, non perishable snacks etc so you can just grab and go

We got some playmats to put down that they could play on and we’re also a bit more cushioned for when they were crawling and trying to stand up

I agree that you should get an idea from the foster carer about the things the baby will bring, particularly clothes and toys. Don’t spend money on toys and clothes, as you can buy that once the baby is with you.

I would say that at this stage the things you need to buy are:

-Cot and bed clothing
-Highchair
-Pushchair (consider one for toddlers, rather than a baby one)
-Blanket
-Child car seat
-Child cutlery (plate, bowl, spoon)
-Child sippy cup or water bottle
-Bibs
-Nappies
-Baby wipes
-Baby changing bag

-A baby monitor or camera to put in their room
-Medicines (calpol, nurofen, and I also recommend that you buy the calpol vapour plug in for coughs and colds - you plug it in the baby room at night and it works miracles especially with coughs).
-Digital thermometer
-Baby food and milk (according to the diet they have)

I think this is what is necessary, and anything else is an extra. Don’t go crazy buying stuff as you may find that you don’t actually need it. We bought a sling which we used for a couple of months only, we bought a baby activity mat which our baby was never interested in, we also bought lots of toys and books that they were never interested in - initially they were always more interested in playing with things we had at the house (e.g. boxes, tupperwares, etc. and only when they were slightly older they started playing with toys).

Good luck!

Oh yes, play mat! Best thing ever at that age.

So a bit of a funny story. I was at work checking Mumsnet and I saw this thread which fit so well with my situation. Then when I got home I mentioned it to my DP, and only then realised that it was my DP, who has never shown an interest in Mumsnet before, posted it! DP is a bit useless at this kind of stuff, but thank you everyone for your replies!

Unfortunately, despite our social worker and us believing that this was very likely, it is not going ahead. We found out a few days ago. But I'm sure the responses will still be helpful to someone else, and to us when our time does come!

@ScottishBeth Oh I am sorry, how horrible to have your hopes up only to have them dashed. The time will come!

@SuperSocks thank you. It was really disappointing when we found out. But I think we've sort of made peace with it. I won't say too much but hopefully it will mean good things for the little one.