How long before you left you AC with a relative?

[luckylucky24]

Lo has only been here a month and DH is already complaining that he misses spending time alone without the kids (have a bc). He is saying that we need to get her used to his mum so we can look at going out in the new year. I am in no rush and feel we have ample time in the evening if he gets off his laptop.
For reference how long did you have lo before they were ready?

For info, she has only met his mum twice so far but we were out in public so as to keep things light for lo.

[Italiangreyhound]

OP not P*!!!

[OlennasWimple]

Oh, those early photos where we are all so happy, but I have what looks like a particularly clingy bush baby attached to me..!!

It's not true that legally you can't leave LO with someone else, it's more that it's a matter of policy with your agency who is able to look after her. We got my parents approved by our agency (and they both already had DBS clearance) so that they were able to look after DD, but even so it was months before they watched her even for half an hour during the day at our house while I went to a doctors appointment or similar. I can't remember when we left her with someone to do bedtime without us, but I think it was a very very long time.

BTW I have always been a v relaxed parent otherwise (DS went on holiday with my family without me at 18 months, for example), but it didn't feel right with DD for a really really long time - even after she was asking for it, in fact.

Is DH feeling OK about things otherwise? Can you have an in-house "date night" (take away, bottle of wine, eat at the table not in front of the TV type thing?)?

[dibly]

Date night at home is a great idea, we implemented this (I won't mention the weight gain from too many takeaways :-))

I really feel for your DH, I had PAD and looking back it was a classic flight response, LO rejected me repeatedly and my response was to want to escape. It took a lot of perseverance (and courses, and time) but it doesn't last forever. After 3 months or so at the instruction of our SW we made a point of getting out once a month when LO was in bed with a known and trusted grandparent babysitting. It really helped, but of course every situation is different. I guess what I'm saying is trust your instincts.

[luckylucky24]

Thanks everyone. We had a chat and he insists all is fine. We spoke about how hard it must be for her and how little fuss she is making (I pointed out that this may not be a good thing) and about what she has been through already. I reminded him what happened last time she went to someone's house and that she is too young to explain that we will come back. He agreed and said that he understands that she will need to spend time with others at our house first and that we will have to stand our ground even if others brush off our concerns.
He said he is in no rush he just misses our time together. I feel we are on the same page now but will have to keep having the same conversation to make sure.
Thanks again everyone.

[conserveisposhforjam]

Just to add - I am pretty sure that - perhaps counter-intuitively - psychologists don't actually recommend doing x now because we'll have to do y in the future. So getting lo used to your mil now so that you can work up to leaving her with her in the future for example. I think they say you have to wait until the child is ready for X even if that means that y is just round the corner iyswim?