Program on BBC2 at 10pm tonight called Protecting our Foster Kids

[Bringonthesunshineplease]

I'm going to watch as could be interesting. Just letting those interested know it's on in a few minute's. Filmed following Dorset county councils fostering service.

[Usernamesarehard]

I missed the first half, I'm sure you are right Devora.

[Devora]

And: I too hope he has a good life, but realistically this year of dangling in limbo will have caused him damage and trauma. By this stage it is not helpful to keep coaxing and reassuring Tash - her child needs resolution, and fast.

[Devora]

I'm not sure reassuring her would have had any benefit, Usernamesarehard. By that stage she was missing contacts and clearly having cold feet about taking him back. I saw her comment as being partly about flagging up how anxious she was feeling, and in some ways justifying what she was about to do. I think reassurance would have shut down what she was trying to express and so would have been unhelpful. Far more important to really listen.

[Usernamesarehard]

Has*

[Usernamesarehard]

I felt the same as you, miscellaneous.

I found ep2 really difficult with baby Jesse, but I missed the start. My heart bled for his mum. I wish she'd been reassured more when she was threatened by the bond he had with the foster carer. How scary for her. I hope he had a lovely life.

[Muddymits]

It did seem like Amy's foster careers were shockingly underprepared for the very normal behavioural patterns. They seemed naive from the point where they expected the 'falling in love' stage created in a respite environment to be sustainable. BUT how well we're they prepared? Certainly being asked to take her sibling wasn't supportive to the placement.

I want to be a foster career again in the future but won't at the moment as am so horrified at some of the placements that get pushed onto families with their own kids. The careers may have had very different capacities without have g their own similarly aged kids too. Adoption is usually so careful of age and placement and fostering so often seems to present combinations that have lots of potential to create conflict within the new blended family.

I suppose I don't trust SW to make choices that keep my children safe so I won't foster until they are older. Am not sure this was a placement that was ever that likely to work and it certainly left all involved feeling awful.

[MiscellaneousAssortment]

Oh I know it's been edited but how can the foster parents be so inept and thoughtless. They chuck her out for a weekend with Amy havjng no idea what her fate will be then they sit there waffling on about how Amy must behave in order to build their trust in her... What about them breaking any trust she might have had in them? And she appears to have no voice or space just for her :( just threat after threat to toe the line or else.

It's hard not to be very cross with them... I really hope it was not at all like it seems.

[MiscellaneousAssortment]

I watched the two episodes back to front. I'm finding episode 1 harrowing :(

The baby at least has a future with a family of his own (I hope). But these girls, this is it, this is all they get :(

Oh that poor girl. Imagine testing those boundaries and finding you can just push them over and your fears and doubts and nightmares are true. And I'm sure the foster parents didn't mean to get into that situation, but they failed that girl :( why on earth did they decide to force the sisters to share a placement as it was clear it would be a huge pressure on Amy. But no one seems to have cared about her and just created a situation for her to fail... then oh so sorry when it fails. Such BAD decision making. I know it's probably because of shortages, but oh its awful. Grrrrrrr.

[SawdustGirl]

I agree it's probably Natalie coming into the house which pushed Amy over the edge.

The trouble with objecting 'resource led placement decisions' is that if the resources (ie carers) aren't there, you can't place kids with them. They were clearly looking really hard for a foster carer for Natalie, but were hampered by her needing to be near school for her exams, and a shortage of people who take teenagers.

Obviously it was far from ideal for the girls to be together, but what would be the other option - Natalie in B&B accommodation? That choice is no choice, really.


The second episode was so sad, although hopefully there'll be a happy ending for the little lad.

[Devora]

The mum was just completely overwhelmed. We don't know all about why, but I imagine most viewers would be sussed enough to suspect there will be a complicated back story here. Documentaries like this can't spell everything out - it wouldn't be fair to the people portrayed - but it's sensible to assume there's always more going on than is directly portrayed.

[Usernamesarehard]

Just watched ep1, I can't stop thinking about amy. Basically, once she messed up (fairly minor for a 14year old) she was sent away.

[fasparent]

As FC's in similar situations (pretty rare) have done contact's our selves from the on set, with some success in the past , have been voluntary care, this is done at our home and the child's home , offers more relaxed and supportive support, and parenting skill's.
This continues when child is returned with support of an outside agency with ourselves popping in a few times a week for several weeks working along side Mum and Agency too ensure a smooth transition.

[Bringonthesunshineplease]

I agreen with Devora it's so sad and she's right about how mismatched children's and adults' timescales are at these times. Brave of the mother to be filmed and she clearly loved and cared for her son despite the possible outcome.

[fasparent]

WHAT WAS MISSING was details of mum's support network, if any ,
Do know is available for single teenage mums from conception until child is age two from Community Family Nurse partnerships would think similar would be available. Lots would depend on LA's NHS partnership's, and engagement with other support services. Seems strange this area was not included in the program.

[Devora]

I don't think it did, icciemunchy. I know she said that but I think the context was clear: she felt completely unable to cope with two children on her own. Inevitably, she had not been able to have enough hands-on parenting experience with her son to feel confident - and so felt very wobbly seeing him with his competent fc - but I don't think it came across that that was the main or only reason for deciding to relinquish him.

One of the most sad things that came across is how mismatched children's and adults' timescales are at these times. You could see that Tash might be in a much better place in a couple of years and that good long term support might make a difference. But you could also see that her son has already suffered because she wasn't ready for him - heartbreaking to think of him now having to start all over again with new parents.

[icclemunchy]

Tonight's episode made me sad and a little bit cross tbh.

Dawn seemed up keen on him having contact with his mum from the start and for her to state that tash had "decided she didn't want him" broke my heart. She clearly loved that little boy and just felt unable to meet all his needs.

I'm also hoping tash had a lot of support and councling we didn't see as the programme made it seem like she gave him up because she thought he loved dawn more

[TheFirstOfHerName]

I am finding this episode especially emotional because I had PND with my first baby. I was lucky enough to be allocated a bed in a mother and baby unit, and was well enough to come home with him within 6 weeks.

[Devora]

This is very upsetting. Poor little boy.

[Bringonthesunshineplease]

Programme 2 on now and I'm expecting an emotional rollercoaster. Why am I shocked they have just said every 20 minutes a child comes into care.

[scarlet5tyger]

There's a post about this on the fostering board too. It's been pointed out to us that it's Fostering Fortnight and recruitment is high priority at the moment. Co-incidence?

As a foster carer myself I doubt the full extent of Amy's problems were shown (would put off potential carers!) as I don't believe any foster carers would give up on a child for the relatively small issues shown. Plus Amy had already had three placements breakdown, for reasons we weren't told.

Anon33, SS aren't that strict about our houses (thankfully! My own has damp areas) as long as there's no health and safety issues. And until they introduce a "wear and tear" fee (for which, read holes punched in walls, cupboard doors ripped off hinges, wallpaper picked off walls and so on) I refuse to have an immaculate home.

[Devora]

They seemed like very nice people. It was quite shocking when they suddenly seemed to want to disrupt the fostering as soon as they hit some turbulence - the social worker certainly seemed unimpressed. But we don't know how it was edited. They may have been naive. They may have been underprepared. It is so hard to recruit and retain enough good foster carers - that probably underpins all the other problems here.

[anon33]

I was really shocked about that program; unless it was clever editing it seemed her placement was under constant threat; Amy was saying "this always happens". I couldn't believe the attitude of the foster father; he seemed so blase about it "I said if it starts to affect my work then I've had enough"

I'm genuinely not being judgy as my own house is far from perfect but I was also surprised at the state of their house; it looked as if it was falling down in places and damp patches on the walls; I thought SS would have been strict about this?

[PeppermintCrayon]

It's shit really isn't it? Imagine if teens in 'good-enough' families had to move out when they pushed boundaries.

[lalalonglegs]

Yes, absolutely - I think a child would feel very torn if s/he had a strong connection - even an unhealthy one - with a birth parent. I'm sorry if my post sounded as if I was criticising people who were considering adoption for not being matched with older children - I know it does happen occasionally and I am sure the people who do it are very capable parents.

[Devora]

lalalonglegs, there are adopters on MN who have adopted dc of that age and parented them with great love and care. But it is quite unusual. On my prep course, I remember us discussing adopters not wanting children of this age and the sw saying that, actually, the issue is more that children over 8 will rarely accept anyone else stepping into a parental role. They will often have spent a significant amount of life with their birth families and can't make the transition to new parents.