Sick of being shouty!

[Buster51]

I have posted along similar lines in the past, & I must say I still rarely yell at DS but when I do I completely over react! :-( feeling bad, a bit of "cheek" lead to a whole drama mostly caused by my overreaction. Feeling like the worlds worst witch of a mum!

I did have issues when I was younger with getting angry to the point of tears, & although it has improved as I've got older, I still sometimes get the overwhelming stressy urge! I have just gone back to work, DH is away for 8 weeks (forces) feeling already guilty about that just beating myself up to be honest. Poor DS

[Buster51]

thank you both, interesting to know!

I had an 'almost' well yes kind of shouty morning :( I feel lost at the moment and don't know if what I'm doing is doing more harm than good!

[KristinaM]

I know of children of about 4-6 year old ( from perfectly normal families ! ) who have had an " accident " at other peoples houses because they didn't know where the toilet was. And didn't think to ask until it was too late

One said to her mother " I didn't think they had a toilet " .

it's not uncommon for children who start Reception to get constipated because they are scared to do a no. 2 in the school toilets .

My children were all scared of flushing the toilet at the age of your DS, buster .

Lots of small children love public toilets and will ask to go frequently when you are out somewhere like a shopping centre . Others are terrified of the hand driers and won't go at all .

So in summary, toilet issues are common for small children .

[Buster51]

oh! I didn't even think about that I was very confused! Having said that, when DH is away (army base) and we skype call him, DS always says to him "can I see your toilet/shower etc!" DH is always equally as confused by his fascination with it! Feeling a bit bad now for my generic answer! oops!

[64x32x24]

Well done for not shouting!

Buster when I was little we sometimes vacationed at friends' house; they didn't have a toilet, just a bucket behind a curtain that then needed to be emptied. I must have been about four or five and I hated it. (Still remember it clearly now!) For a while whenever we went somewhere I would check before we went if there was going to be a toilet. (And I might have asked 'what colour is it?' to make sure, after being told 'yes there is a toilet', that they weren't 'tricking' me when in fact there was just a bucket being used as a toilet.) So maybe your DS has some memories of a place where there was no toilet (or he was denied the use of it) and, having little concept of where you went, was concerned for your welfare.
Your 'yes of course there was' ... might not be quite so obvious to him! There may be no 'of course' for him.

[Buster51]

So far I haven't shouted, I have 'snapped' a little though! 5 days in so far so good?! Especially with DS being extra hypervigelant etc this week. Not at all related to anything but he asked me SUCH a strange question this morning. I was away on Saturday, so today he said "mummy was there a toilet?", (confused) yes of course there was "what colour was the toilet?" (again huh!) erm white son, why do you ask?? Because I like to know.

Children ask the STRANGEST things!!

[Ledkr]

Oh I'm sorry, I hope you feel better now.

I had a big shout last night! I'm very cross with myself.

Dd1 had been off school all day with a migraine, she was pitiful and I ran around looking after her and gave her lots of tlc.
The second she felt better the cheek restarted. She made a mess pouring milk which she then left half of, she stole a choc bar. From a pack I'd bought for another time. Then when went upstairs she had left very single light on upstairs.

I'm afraid I went to bed shouting. it's so hard not to. I keep calm but then the stupid stuff mounts up and I end up losing it.

I have work today so hopefully I won't need to shout (would shock my colleagues)

[Italiangreyhound]

excitedmamma - definitely. But it is still hard.

[excitedmamma]

Ledkr... don't be jealous... it was spent with my head in a bucket throwing up with terrible aches & pains.

DH had a fab day with LO

Think its the first time EVER I've spent in bed... just wish I could have enjoyed it!!

[stubbornstains]

Awwww....thanks feet

[Ledkr]

excited how did you get a whole day in bed?

[Ledkr]

I'm doing ok as well. We were at a festival all weekend though and so nicely lubricated (maybe that's the answer)
Dd is 12 and I am considering just leaving her to have her room as she chooses just fir a quiet life.
Only thing is she then can't find anything clean to wear or the correct dance or school stuff.
My 3 yr old has been sweet and I'm a bit happier at work so they are non shouty contributing factors.

[Italiangreyhound]

LastingLight my dd also wants to control her room!

[excitedmamma]

well done everyone... make room for me on the non-shouty bench too!! Saying that I was in bed all day yesterday and barely saw her so I'm cheating a bit.

Chin up Italian... no-one probably told you it was going to be easy.. if its not one of them, it'll be the other!!

Everyone is bound to struggle at times... do you think she may be misbehaving for your attention?

[LastingLight]

Stubbornstains when you find the "perfect parent" you will probably find the tooth fairy and father Christmas in the same place!

[stubbornstains]

I'm finding this thread v. interesting, as I am possibly considering the possibility of adoption (!). Too early to say yet really, but TTC at 40 doesn't seem to be as easy as it was a few years ago, and neither DP and I are particularly hung up on the idea of having another bio child, and would just as easily consider adoption.

One of the things that initially puts me off is that I don't feel that I'm a "good" enough mum- I get so impatient and shouty with DS (4), and wonder how this would impact on a child who would in all probability be more challenging/ vulnerable.

So, following this with interest......

[Lilka]

I only made it till the 2nd! It was only a short couple of sentence shout but still, it was a shout. Starting again today...

Well done Buster

[Buster51]

so far I haven't shouted - 3 days into June! We did have an 'issue' but I somehow refrained from shouting! YAY.

Italian please do not be hard on yourself, like it has been mentioned DS is potentially in 'the honeymoon phase' as we called it, which may make DDs behaviors seem even worse. Even now 7 months in I still feel DS is 'trying to please' most of the time, I jump for joy when he displays "usual" kid behavior!

take care

[MerryInthechelseahotel]

italian don't beat yourself up about that. She just knows how to push your buttons as you say. Can you have special 121 time with her? Take her out for the day or something? She could be missing your individual attention and that is understandable. I would love the opportunity to do this with my bc as ads is very full on but because I am single it's difficult to do.

[LastingLight]

DD and I had a shouting match on Sunday night over the state of her room, but yesterday was much better. (She told me that she finds it very offensive that I can go into her room for no good reason and tell her to do things...) I must just remember to breathe, step back and think about the bigger scheme of things, which is easier said than done some days.

Italian I'm sure you're doing fine. Cut yourself and DD some slack, it's early days and a big adjustment for everybody.

[allthingswillpass]

Yes italian we used to say wipe the slate clean at bedtime and start over tomorrow.
The first weeks with 1 DS were hard enough, can't imagine having 2 both struggling with enormous changes in their lives.
You're doing well. Xx

[RhinosAreFatUnicorns]

Perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed Italian. Ditto to what MyFeet said. I don't actually remember too much about the first weeks, so completely overwhelmed as I was. And that was with one DD and without any BC.

You will be doing just fine :)

[Italiangreyhound]

Thanks coldfeet I really needed that. I'm feeling totally overwhelmed at the moment and just struggling a bit!