hi there mumgonecrazy - I would wait to see what the sws care plan is for the child. Every child in care has to have a care plan and if it has been ruled out that the child cannot be returned to their parents, then the care plan will be for permanent care and for a child of this age it would be adoption. However, as we have all stressed they have to consider relatives first. When the sw visits, they should tell you what the care plan is, adoption or posssible Special Guardianship Order (often used in cases like yours). If you just type Special Guardianship into google you will get a wealth of information, but I think it could all be a bit overwhelming at this stage (incidentally I hope you don't think I am being patronising by saying that as someone has suggested) I just think something like this can be overwhelming, especially when you are emotionally involved.
You can get a list of the things that are taken into account on some of the SGO sites, but it is things like parenting capacity, (how you were parented, how you parented your own children and how you will parent this child) Pets are ok so long as you can control them and I can't imagine an 8 year old lab who must be very used to children will pose any threat.
The smoking issue could be a problem. There is a section of the a/ment on health and safety and I think the fact that your DP smokes will be an issue. Foster carers are not allowed to foster children under 2 if there is a smoker in the house because of the dangers of passive smoking. Yes they carry our CRB checks (police checks)from your current address and any previous addresses where you have lived. I always ask people if they have any offences, so that I know whether it is something that will prevent the child being placed, such as any offences involving children or violence etc. Having past offences does not automatically rule people out, much depends on how long ago they were and what they were.
I think it is sensible not to tell the children yet, as you are at a very early stage. I think maybe you are trying to "run before you can walk" if you don't mind my saying it. Take it slowly and wait to hear what the sws have to say, and if you want to contact FRG that is fine. I know you are being urged to do so by Mrs Devere and it sounds as though she got a lot of important advice from them. However I think it is best to start off by thinking that the soc work will explain everything you want to know and will be open and honest with you. If then you are concerned you can always get further advice, but it doesn't really matter which way round you do it. It's just that if things go wrong for one family, it doesn't necessarily mean that you will be in the same boat.
As I said to you before I think the biggest problem will be that number of small children you already have and how you will share yourselves between 5 children, the younest one who will need extra special care. I may be wrong but that would certainly be a concern for me BUT it may not be for the sw who assesses you. Most people actually find the assessment much better than they had anticipated and some even enjoy it, so relax and take one step at a time.
Yes the view of the children (at least those old enough to understand ) will be important and you will need to talk to them if it looks as if SSD are going to assess you. At this stage they will be doing what is called a "viability assessment" which means looking tto see whether it is viable to begin a comprehensive assessment on you, or whether there are concerns that they feel cannot be overcome, which they will have to discuss with you.
One day at a time mumgonecrazy - one day at a time......I know that's easy for me to say when I am not emotionally involved but it is the best way in the long run.
Have you had any contact with the SSD - do you have a date for their initial visit - if not I qould get onto them asap so that you can get things moving.