I'd really appreciate some honesty here if at all possible. I'm in my 40's, x2 kids (1 newborn) and have spent the last 2 years trying to return to an academic position. I am so despondent, seriously pissed off, and feel like a failure. I was one of the lucky ones in the noughties, for I made the transition from PhD to f/t perm. lectureship without any difficulty whatsoever. But...the culture in the Dept. was atrocious, as was the workload, so after sticking it out for 4 years I jumped ship. So here I am 10 yrs later striving to secure another lectureship and have either failed to be shortlisted for vacancies or have got through to interview only to be rejected.
I have amassed valuable experience on the "outside" but with being freelance (self-employed) lack references - and I certainly don't have any academic references to submit with being on the outside for so many years. I have continued to be research active - cutting edge stuff in social sciences (self-funded), have established great links with media etc, have lots of teaching experience (ug & pg), etc.
Sooo, when I attend interviews - 4 in 12 months - I feel these have gone well, I receive good feedback, the panel demonstrates lots of interest in my research, yet I am unsuccessful! The last interview, which had me dragging my family 600+ miles (round trip) is a case in point. During the interview lunch with staff and other candidates, it immediately became apparent that 2 of the candidates were well known to the panel - indeed the female candidate took me aside and apologized as she had already been informally offered the job. Needless to say, she was duly appointed. I came away - again - feeling as though I was simply making up numbers!! Seriously, why drag me right across the UK when I was never in the running for the bloody job? I have been shortlisted for both lectureships and senior lectureships.
So in essence, what the fuck should I do? Might there be hope or am I just wasting my time, energy and self-esteem by focusing on HE?
Apologies for typos...one finger typing as breastfeeding feisty baby.
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Feel as though i'm wasting my time!! Help please, is all lost??
11 replies
cantresistchoc · 25/09/2016 22:25
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