Comment made by teacher WWYD

[Listinggracefully]

DD (Yr 5) has ASC. She doesn't have ARFID, but food is a huge issue and in addition she is tries to eat vegetarian on ethical grounds, and has done so for a few years now.

At an after school event last night there was no vegetarian option. DD didn't actually mind, but her friend pointed out to the teacher that DD is vegetarian. The teacher responded "She's not vegetarian, she's just a picky eater".

The teacher is an NQT, so not very experienced. She is generally very good (she finally got an ILP in place and follows it). I just don't think these kind of labels are helpful for a child who is struggling with food, and am pretty cross about it.

ExH doesn't think it is an issue, but I am more inclined to have a word with her about it. I don't want to add to the burden that the teachers are under though by being "that" parent. I am affected as I had similar issues as a child and these sort of comments when made to me have stuck with me, so I just need a bit of Mumsnet perspective please.

[Tinytigertail]

I would have a word in this instance. It doesn't have to be confrontational, just a heads up that this is a sensitive issue for your DD and how labels like 'picky eater' can be unhelpful.

[WahWahWahs]

It was either a throwaway remark or a misconception. Either way, it needs correcting so it doesn’t happen again.

However, how these things usually determine the outcome. I would assume the best and start from there.

’I know it was probably just a throwaway remark, but I just wanted to raise that phrases like ‘picky eater’ are a problem for xxxx because of her issues with food. I know you have always been so supportive of her, so I thought you would like to know. Thanks for the event last night, by the way, she really enjoyed it!’

Educating a new teacher, allowing her to apologise and keep on asking you questions in the future and maintaining a good relationship. This will help everyone long term.

Of course, if it doesn’t go like that, then escalate away.

Hope it goes well!

[Robotindisguise]

You have an autistic kid - embrace being “that” parent because the other option is not to advocate for your child.

Have a quiet word about it, and mention in passing how if you’ve met one autistic child, you’ve met one autistic child. The sooner she moves from a position of certainty and judgement, the better

[RosesAndHellebores]

What @WahWahWahs said. Be nice and super supportive to keep her on side re your dd. However I'm noting that my own dd is an nqt (secondary) and wouldn't dream of making such a comment but she has a keen interest in SEN. She might think it but she wouldn't articulate it.

[Zonder]

Definitely say something. She's not a picky eater, she's sensitive plus she's vegetarian on principle. Would she say this to a Hindu child?

Just a calm comment will help her get it right next time.

[MargaretThursday]

You said she tries to eat vegetarian.
I'm wondering from that if she doesn't always. If the teacher has seen her sometime chose the non vegetarian option then he probably doesn't think she is.

He shouldn't have said about being a picky eater though. The more comments I got on eating the harder it was to eat.

[Lilyargin]

She "tries" to eat vegetarian means that she is not, actually, a vegetarian.
You have said this teacher is very good. Leave her alone. It's so draining having parents pick on every utterance. There are no doubt 29 others in the class. Imagine if each parent is picking up on something they didn't even hear, but was reported to them by a friend of their child's.

[WandaWonder]

So she is either a vegetarian or not?

[KalaMush]

As others have said, could it be that the teacher has sometimes seen her choose meat over the vegetarian option?

[Quitelikeacatslife]

Have you logged her dietary requirements with the school? If she was noted as being vegetarian then they would have provided for her. The teacher probably means that . The wording from teacher not great though

[Viviennemary]

I would just leave it. Describing somebody as a picky eater might not be very pc these days but just means there is a lot of food they don't eat. Or will sometimes eat a certain food and other times refuse it. That isn't for religious or medical reasons.

[Fridgetapas]

Is she logged by the school as vegetarian? If she is then it’s pretty poor there was no option for her. I would be going to the school about this rather than the throwaway clumsy comment. I would just leave the comment unless she was consistently undermining your child’s needs.

[Listinggracefully]

Thanks everyone. I was trying to be factual, but it seems to have clouded the issue. ExH isn't happy with her being vegetarian, so she sometimes eats chicken at at his house. That is what I meant by trying to be vegetarian. At school she has always eaten vegetarian (she started there in Yr3).

In fact they did a food tasting earlier in the day and DD and the other vegetarian pupil were given different food, so they are well aware of her dietary preferences. As I say it was an out of school activity, so I don't really expect there to be a special meal for her. It was hot dog and chips, so she just had the chips.

[Listinggracefully]

Just to add, DD was sitting right next to the other child when the teacher said this, so it isn't a case of being reported back to her incorrectly.

Re the comment about teachers having enough to deal with, I absolutely agree. I posted in order to get a sense check. My mum was a primary school teacher and I used to be a school governor, so I am well aware of the pressures they are under.

[Zonder]

@Viviennemary

I would just leave it. Describing somebody as a picky eater might not be very pc these days but just means there is a lot of food they don't eat. Or will sometimes eat a certain food and other times refuse it. That isn't for religious or medical reasons.

I think picky has a negative connotation.

Lots of children with ASC can't face certain foods even without an ARFID diagnosis. It's not a choice. It's a sensitivity.

[Teentaxidriver]

Teachers are under so much pressure - this is also after school so outside core hours and at the end of term so the poor did will be on their knees. Let it go. If the teacher makes an insensitive comment again then say so thing.

[Bluevelvetsofa]

Yes, mention it, but please do so kindly. ECTs have so much to absorb and you’re generally happy with her teaching.

[SoreAndTired1]

@Listinggracefully What is ASC?

[MultiplaLight]

I think the teacher was probably trying to say that DD wasn't a true vegetarian and explaining it in a more child friendly way. Not sure picky eater is especially negative either.

I'd explain to your DD that sometimes adults have to quickly try and say things and sometimes they use words that they know the other people will understand, even if the words might not be completely true. The teacher could have gone into an explanation about your DDs food issues but that wouldn't have been appropriate either.