Please tell me how to not dread Monday?

[Livingtothefull]

I am managing a major project at work which will last at least for a few months. The project has serious legal risks, is time bound & involves a number of people, emotions are running high among a lot of the people concerned. A lot of questions come my way, some very complex which I have to answer quickly but appropriately. Lots of negative feedback about the process which I have to respond to.

I am also dealing with many of the logistics of planning meetings, issuing letters etc.

There is a huge amount of work involved. My other day to day tasks don't go away so I am also being chased for answers on those. Whenever I put my voicemail on (to focus on the project) I get messages/voicemails chasing for information. Colleagues are all extremely busy too so I can't pass things on.

I am sick at the moment with virus...felt ill yesterday but no way could I take sick time, there is a whole list of tasks which I had to do & can't delegate. Yesterday was horrible, have heard that one manager also supporting the project has claimed to their boss that I am 'holding things up'. I got an email from that person yesterday expressing their 'frustration and disappointment'....also got a separate complaint about another matter which I had worked really hard to support (the problems didn't relate to what I had done though).

Was practically sobbing down the phone to my colleague yesterday pm about all this, said I couldn't do any more.

I have a list of things as long as my arm to do on Monday, most of them can't wait another day. I am considering working on some of these tomorrow to take some pressure off...at the same time I feel I really need my weekend.

Please help me to adjust my mindset so I don't dread Monday? I know it will be a hellish day.....I can't start work early as I have to wait for my disabled DS's carer to arrive before I start work. I have to just plough through everything I have to do so need to be calm and focused in order to cope with it all. Calm and focused I am not.

Sorry, I have no help to offer, but I wanted to sympathise and say I hope you are being very well rewarded for having to deal with all this. You are only human. Take care, and good luck!

I'd ignore everything but the project and put my day to day tasks on the back burner.

I'd keep my phone on divert and only response to things I knew were totally essential.

I wouldn't worry about what people were saying behind my back as long as I knew I could deliver on the project.

Im presuming the day to day stuff can be caught up on later and is not as essential as the project.

I have recently been ignoring my manager on a few things because theres not enough hours in the day to do it all. And she knows it. If I get any flak I am more than prepared to back myself on this course of action.

'Do the next thing' is a mantra that helps me. Don't think about everything you have to do, just focus on doing the next thing.

It all sounds toxic and badly organised - have you talked to your manager about your workload?

Pretend it is Tuesday.

Assuming OP is getting the Easter bank hols off, it will to all intents and purposes be a Tuesday for the next two Mondays.

Yes I will have the Easter holidays....tbh part of me doesn't want them because of the workload, but on the other hand I probably really need the break. But there will be a shedload of work greeting me afterwards.

I have spoken to my manager about it though though till now with the line 'It's challenging though I'm coping' but maybe that needs to change & I need to explain that I risk not coping. Probably better that than that it all falls apart - which it will if I lose my control of it.

Your 'do the next thing' is a really good approach @SevenSeasOfRhye , thanks. I just want to get myself in the right zone again that I can plough through methodically

I will try not to care about what people say about me behind my back. I hate that horrible niggling fear though that I am not doing a good job - though my manager has not complained & in fact has been positive.

The trouble is that some of those involved don't seem to realise how long tasks take - eg that sending 20 customised letters to external people, checking to avoid breaching confidentiality (even things like the wrong name in 'Dear X' or the wrong email in the letter can do that) and emailing to the right addresses, has to be done carefully & takes time and focus. There are some of them who are used to having PAs & Admin to deal with all of that so don't know at first hand.

I really want people to get off my back, let me work through and contact me only if something is really urgent so I know to prioritise it.

Can you email everyone setting down your priorities and when they can expect to hear from you, would that reduce pointless calls and emails? Definitely have a meeting with your manager to explain you're just about coping but you're focusing on priorities and other things might just not happen and they'll need to find someone else to pick up the slack if they want it done.

I'd be inclined to do an hour at the weekend to get my ducks in a row for monday, create a clear schedule for the day with realistic times to complete everything so you feel on top of everything. But no actual work.

Are you doing all of it, OP, of overseeing and delegating to others (thinking of things like proof reading letters)? It's harder if you're doing it all and people have to trust you are doing what needs to be done. The alternative is you get signed off / leave and someone else has to pick it up.

It sounds very stressful. I am in a very similar position at the moment at work with the key difference that I am extremely well supported by my team and the day to day tasks I don't have time to pick up are spread across the team no questions asked.

Are there key milestones for this that you can discuss with senior team - including risks (like time taken to proof read?). Is there a forum for you to discuss the progress with people who say you're "holding things up" and their seniors?

No 1 is to stop saying you're coping when you aren't and should be expected to under non-stop pressure.

Also meant to say auto-reply / voicemail is your friend. "I'm working on x on Monday, Tuesday Fri and will pick up queries re: y on Weds and Thurs. I'll respond to your query as soon as possible within z days"

Manage expectations.

I am doing most of it @KeepYaHeadUp . Part of the difficulty is that I don't have a team & nobody I can dedicate to..... it is not part of anyone's formal job role to support this so if I do feel I need support I have to ask it as a favour.

It is a choice between asking for help with no expectations of a positive response, or just doing it myself - I don't have the mental space to try to debate with or persuade people, so on balance it is often easier to do it myself.

There are other people 'owning' the project as well as me but for a number of reasons they have other obligations so often I have to step into the gap. So there is the general (inaccurate) perception that it is 'my' project. I have actually had pushback from people on these grounds - that it is my responsibility and they resent being asked.

Drafting & proof reading communications - all my responsibility unless I find someone with capacity to help. No leverage if so, to ask for this to be done or within timescales, I have to ask as a favour.

Planning milestones, coordinating meetings/rearranging when someone is unavailable, arranging meeting plans & communications (as well as planning drafting them), coaching participants for said meetings, discussing outcomes, follow up correspondence - all down to me.

I have a number of other major issues that also need urgent action but I don't have enough hours in the day for them - or at least don't have the mental space to give them the attention they deserve.

You are right I need to be clear that I am not coping - or at least am on the borderline. The trouble is that I am so worried about letting people down. But I will talk to my boss again and discuss the risks both to the project & myself. Will look at ways of deflecting messages - though a 'do not disturb' email message with alternative contacts seems to be ignored, I still get messages.

I'm sorry, it sounds impossible.

Re the messages, if you've given a timescale for a reply they will have to find another way if they need you to take action within a shorter timeframe. Push that back onto them. It sounds like you're trying to mitigate the fact there is a full time role being done as an add on to an already full time role - you can't do that and stay sane. Let the ripples be felt!

And I understand completely not wanting to let anyone down, but you know full well the difficulty there will be if you have to be signed off which is what will inevitably happen. And don't underestimate how liberating it can be to say out loud that the work isn't manageable. Go armed with a mock up timesheet giving an indication of the hours required for broad tasks over a week or month. Let them (and you) see in black and white that it doesn't add up. Then it becomes a corporate problem to address, not your personal o e

By "I'm sorry, it sounds impossible" I mean I'm sorry for you.

You mentioned lots of negative feedback about the process that you need to respond to. I think your goal here is not to try and fix it or feel you have to explain. People often judt want to offload. Either a simple "Yes, I appreciate your frustration, thank you for your hard work" or if they are keep on "Thank you for highlighting this issue, I would welcome your suggestions on how we can improve this moving forward" followed by "Thank you for your suggestions, are you able to get started on this while I continue with this aspect?". They can either put up or shut up.

Also, people will have to wait. Allocate time each day to deal with emails and then block out time to actual deal with them. Then block out time to do your job. Put a sign on your door saying meeting in progress and just make them wait. Why should you be making yourself ill not getting anything done because you are run ragged trying to facilitate everyone else doing their job. Be tougher op.

Thank you @KeepYaHeadUp and @WonderingWanda . I am trying to stay calm & prepare to work through tasks though still dreading tomorrow. I have already admitted to others that the workload is taking a toll on me. So have to consider how to articulate these concerns in a way that comes across as professional and not just as a 'failure to cope'.

I get why people feel the need to offload but it is so unhelpful (to them also) to offload on me. I am doing my best & I can't spend all my time apologising. Just acknowledging & sending diplomatic responses though takes headspace I don't have. Everyone seems so busy too that it is hard even to find time to discuss issues & agree a way forward - hard also to even try to delegate anything for the same reason.

I will start asap tomorrow, would like to work out a task list but I have one huge task that absolutely has to be done tomorrow am, followed by other tasks. Over the weekend I remembered a big error/omission that is now out of time, so will have to follow up on this as best I can tomorrow.

There are so many tasks large & small that it is hard to keep track of them all - as though the initial plans I had for this is inadequate, the scale of this has outgrown the original plans. But the worst thing I can do is panic now. I need to update task list & timeline, but it feels as if there is literally no time.

So, lots of unhelpful negative emotions (guilt and fear at being unable to cope, panic, resentment) when I most need to stay calm and focused! I have been calm & in control until now when I feel I am being knocked off balance, & need to find a way to recover my equilibrium.

@Livingtothefull it sounds very stressful and I suspect a lot of people would be passing the buck on to someone else. You sound incredibly conscientious and worried people will think badly of you. I don't think it's unprofessional to highlight that your workload is unmanageable when it is clearly unrealistic. Who are you answerable to? Maybe present it to them as a problem for them to solve.

Or be proactive and say "I know we initially planned this timescale but it has come to my attention that x,y and z are actually much larger takes than anticipated so here are my revised timings.

I am on anti anxiety meds atm, have been for some time. I don't want to be 'poor me' and throw up my hands in despair just because things have got hard, but just feeling vulnerable right now. I have been weeping with stress today, need to not carry that into the workplace.

I have been quite poorly this weekend, but taking time off sick - now that really would leave everyone in the lurch.

It sounds like utter hell.
I would be honest and say your not feeling well and under enormous pressure.
Can you delegate or request extra help as project is now involving a lot more work?
I feel for you, reading this I'm m glad to do my minimum wage job, go home and not give it another thought.

Thanks @PutASpellOnYou that is good advice. I am not sure whether delegating much work is an option but at least I can try to ensure everyone is clear about what I can reasonably deliver. If I am assured leaders support me & have my back that will help a lot.

I know I am not alone, there are many people pressured in their jobs and they are not always well rewarded either.

Sorry you're unwell. Maybe you just need to take some time off sick, recover and come back with a clear, well head. You will only make yourself iller.

Ultimately, either this project has corporate backing or it doesn't. If it doesn't, who cares? If it does, you just need to establish one person who owns it, corporately, and to work out, with them, what needs to be done, by who and by when then get everyone in a room and make clear this is now part of what is expected of them.

Just thought I would update you on this. I have communicated to my manager the challenges I have been facing and the ongoing stress involved & he is sympathetic. We have agreed a plan to offload other tasks elsewhere so I can prioritise this.

Based on advice above: I have put myself on 'do not disturb' though have proactively asked certain people to let me know if they are waiting on something urgent

So....still extremely busy and needing to plough through a high volume of work, but I feel a bit more in control now. I feel I have my equilibrium back (for now!!) which is key.

Touch wood - there is still a long way to go - but at least for now it seems something like manageable.

Thank you to all who have posted, it has really helped.