Dp cannot watch the dc whilst I work.

[cottonTailTrail]

I am in a really tough situation.

Dp works from home but earns very little profit. I currently work 4 days a week. We basically live off my earnings.

Recently dp has become unwell and he cannot look after our dc by himself.

There are no holiday clubs for the Xmas holidays and no family or friends that can help with childcare. Even when holiday clubs resume I will still have inset days and illnesses which mean days off.

Basically I need to be home with my dc whenever they're off school. Understandably my employer is not ok with this.

I have my resignation letter in front of me now and I just don't know how we will survive financially once I leave this job.

Does anyone have any advice or are in a similar situation?

I feel like I will never be able to work again unless I can set up something from home. Or the dc are old enough to look after themselves.

[Flutter12]

Indeed. What happens when they do scream and fight?

I’d like to know to what extent they’re screaming and fighting.

Me and my siblings used to fight but not in an extreme way and my mum would shout at us to stop and we’d stop.

What kind of a relationship does your DH have with the DCs?

Is he the soft type who just plays with them and buys them things? Or is he the strict one that is the one who gives them rules tells them when to go to bed etc?
What things does he do with them?

[minipie]

Indeed. What happens when they do scream and fight? Do they get a lily-livered 'Oliver, we don't push' and 'Indoor voices please'? Do they ever hear a very firm 'Stop that right NOW'? or 'Any more X and there won't be any Y'. It seems to be a recurring problem so I assume neither of you have perfected 'the look'.

Just to say, I am firm to the point of granite, implement consequences, and have a look that would freeze lava. My children still scream and fight... some kids are harder to teach than others. (Agree the OP shouldn’t resign though).

[Flutter12]

I hope the meeting goes ok and your work are understanding about your situation

Great advice from the PP who said about having no benefits if you resign I didn’t think about this! And if your DH is not ill enough to get disability benefits then you’ll be less likely to get any sort of UC very quickly as in their eyes you can both work full time but you’re choosing not to.

[Elieza]

Apologies if this has already been said, but if you resign I heard you get no benefits for 13 weeks? Surely it would be better to be sacked under those circs?

[ViciousJackdaw]

The kids can learn not to fight and they can also learn not to scream

Indeed. What happens when they do scream and fight? Do they get a lily-livered 'Oliver, we don't push' and 'Indoor voices please'? Do they ever hear a very firm 'Stop that right NOW'? or 'Any more X and there won't be any Y'. It seems to be a recurring problem so I assume neither of you have perfected 'the look'.

It is perfectly possible to get them to understand that Mum/Dad means business, better do what they say without shouting. You may need to simply toughen up with them.

[cologne4711]

OP don't give up your job.

The kids won't behave, and DP is "triggered", so you'd plunge yourself into penury? Hmmm. DP and kids need to both do their bit so you can earn the money to feed and house them!

The kids can learn not to fight and they can also learn not to scream. As far as your DP is concerned, there's a difference between poor mental health and self-indulgence. Not sure which side of the line your DP.

[Smallsteps88]

No problem at all. I guessed that’s what had happened.

[saraclara]

@Smallsteps88, I did indeed tag the wrong person. Apologies.

[Smallsteps88]

That great that you’re going to speak to your employer on Wednesday. Agree with telling them you will go away and think things through before deciding.

What is your DP doing on his part?

[hobbyiscodefordogging]

I agree with everything pullthebricks has just said. Good luck with the meeting, I hope you can have a positive discussion.

[PullTheBricksDown]

Have you asked your DP what he thinks the answer is? I thought that was a very interesting idea.

I would also say, don't decide anything or agree to anything in the Wednesday meeting. Say you'll go away and think about whatever options they offer.

[cottonTailTrail]

Hi everyone. I haven't handed in my notice as of yet. I don't really have much of an update, but will be having a meeting with my boss on Wednesday. I will talk to them honestly about my situation and see what we can work out.

Thank you for all the advice given.

[Flutter12]

@Smallsteps88
@saraclara

I started a thread under a different name and I was grateful for posters checking up on me especially as I was having doubts about the decision I was going to make. Their support had a massive impact on my life and it was more the ones who kept checking back in rather than posting and moving on to the next thread that made such a big difference.

Of course OP may not need the support I did but she doesn’t have to reply back on this thread I am not forcing her or constantly posting for updates.

I also made the decision to post on the thread rather than private message as that’s what other posters seem to do and I felt it was less intrusive as she could simply ignore it easier.

[Fortheloveoficecream]

This sounds really difficult op.

With a mixture of annual leave and parental leave and holiday clubs in the summer hopefully you should have enough to cover the school holidays.

I notice you said that you work 4 days normally? Would you employer allow you to work on your day off occasionally so you could have the day off to cover an inset day?

[Smallsteps88]

[quote Flutter12]**@Smallsteps88

WTAF!
Every thread I’ve read people ask for updates!

I have been worrying about the OP and her mental health and since she has gone quiet I’m even more worried!

Have a heart and realise that for most of us this isn’t something to just pass the time away because we have nothing better to do but that we actually care about someone who is struggling![/quote]
Yes your “is there any updates” came across as very caring and not at all nosey if you care about OP send her a supportive PM. She’ll have gone quiet because she’s digesting the information she has been bombarded with on this thread and facing the reality that she’s in a very difficult situation. Updating MN, whether people care about her or not, should be the last thing on her list of priorities.

That's because they're overly nosy @Smallsteps88.

@saraclara I’m sure you meant to tag flutter12 instead of me.

[saraclara]

Every thread I’ve read people ask for updates!

That's because they're overly nosy @Smallsteps88.

If the OP wanted to update, she would.

You say caring, I call it pestering.
I get just as invested and concerned about posters' situations as the next poster. But posting just to say 'any updates?' always seems incredibly intrusive to me. I always hope they'll come back, but it's not about me.

[Flutter12]

@Smallsteps88

WTAF!
Every thread I’ve read people ask for updates!

I have been worrying about the OP and her mental health and since she has gone quiet I’m even more worried!

Have a heart and realise that for most of us this isn’t something to just pass the time away because we have nothing better to do but that we actually care about someone who is struggling!

[Smallsteps88]

@Flutter12

Is there any updates OP?

It’s not made in Chelsea! If there were updates OP wanted you to know she would tell you.

[Flutter12]

Is there any updates OP?

[SeasonallySnowyPeasant]

OP this sounds hideous. Please don't quit your job.

[Flutter12]

The trouble is from reading what PPs have said about their experiences it sounds like even if OP didn’t want to be with him anymore she doesn’t have a choice as he would probably make her feel guilty as he ‘can’t help it’ because he is ill.

[hobbyiscodefordogging]

That's a great question notcool

[Notcoolmum]

What does your DH think is the solution?

[TooExtraImmatureCheddar]

Also, in Scotland at least the local authority has a poverty responsibility - ie, if they can help you to avoid falling into poverty then they are supposed to do what they can. I don’t know if that applies in England!

[TooExtraImmatureCheddar]

I do think social services could help if he’s very bad - they can arrange physical therapy if that would help, and they can advise on benefits, and they can assess the family unit to see whether he qualifies for any extra help, which might be a payment for childcare. Ask to be considered for a direct payment under Self-Directed Support, which is cash to be spent alleviating his identified needs (in this case, that his health doesn’t allow him to care for his kids). However, the fact that it’s only for holidays might not help - but it’s worth a try!