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Did anyone have a toddler that came into parent bed at night, as well as a newborn in the room?

16 replies

Dinosaursinthebathtub · 12/10/2020 07:50

My 2.5 year old starts the night in her own room and normally wakes after a few hours and riddles into our room where she sleeps through until morning. She did cosleep for some time and only started sleeping through a few months ago which really was absolutely wonderful. She has a medical condition and her clinical team wondered if she may have some pain and discomfort at nights which had been causing frequent night wakings for the first couple of years and so we were happy to do whatever she needed to help her get to sleep. She has surgery next year.

When she moved to her own room she started night waking again which I'm sure is quite normal and I suspect that if we were very consistent about keeping her there then this would resolve but due to the above and our own sleep needs we decided to let her come in here when she wanted to. Occasionally she has spent the whole night in her room.

My DH usually sleeps in other room as he gets up very early and does a lot of driving and he definitely will when the new baby arrives as I don't see the need in us both being woken frequently.

DC2 is due in a few weeks. I'm happy with the current situation as delighted DD is now sleeping through once she comes in here, but I am a little concerned about whether the baby will disturb DC1's sleep? I have a Next to Me for the baby and would just lift and feed either in the bed or if I think it's disturbing her, in DC1's room across the hallway if she has already come into this room.

The other option is to accept some difficult nights and try to enforce DC1 staying in her own room, but I'm concerned that this is now too close to the baby being due and she will feel pushed out when she sees the baby in our room with me. I also suspect it will still result in a few night wakes long term and don't think it will help any of us if I'm getting up with both of them all night (until a few months ago DC1 woke two hourly or more all night every night).

Has anyone successfully coslept with a toddler and also had the new baby in the room? I didn't envisage cosleeping etc with first child but it's worked out this way best for all of us and we're doing what works. Ideally I'd move new baby into their own room at about nine months and then at that point look to transition DC1 to their own room permanently if she has recovered from surgery etc.

Any experiences really welcome! We have a little bit of light in this room from en-suite mirror and I think it's enough that when I lift baby I wouldn't need to put any lighting on etc and as I say if DC1 is already in here I can pop into her room to change baby etc as needed

OP posts:
miffmufferedmoof · 12/10/2020 07:55

DS was nearly 3 when DD was born and still sometimes came into our bed in the night. I was worried about it beforehand but it was actually fine. He was a sound sleeper and DD would generally feed quietly and go back to sleep without much noise. Just make sure you’re always in between baby and toddler

CarrieBlu · 12/10/2020 07:56

Yes I did. We had a next to me, but I was still very nervous of something happening when I was asleep. I have slept through my toddler climbing over me before when particularly exhausted and didn’t want anything to happy with DC1 accidentally hurting DC2. We came to a compromise that seemed safer for everyone where DC1 had a lovely little floor bed and knew I was there in the room with her, then we sort of blocked off access round the side of the bed where DC2s crib was. Sounds strange but it worked, no one felt pushed out and everyone slept well.

Dinosaursinthebathtub · 12/10/2020 07:56

@miffmufferedmoof that's good to know, thanks. Yes absolutely, would always have baby in the crib and later cot on my side of bed with DC1 on other side of bed

OP posts:
CarrieBlu · 12/10/2020 07:57

To happen*

Dinosaursinthebathtub · 12/10/2020 07:58

@CarrieBlu I was worried about that too! Trying to work out a set up where it's not possible somehow, sounds like you nailed it

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movingonup20 · 12/10/2020 08:00

Yes, 4 in a bed for nearly a year, then my then toddler decided there wasn't enough room and stopped coming in basically around 3. Unfortunately her younger sister didn't stop coming in until junior school (7)! Cosleeping as infants was my choice, very popular then and considered possibly safer to go with heart rhythms, obviously alcohol and medication was contraindicated.

CarrieBlu · 12/10/2020 08:09

@Dinosaursinthebathtub it depends on how much room you have, but we bought this bed for our DD to have in our room (we had to put our wardrobes in the landing to make room but it was worth it). We bought bedding that she chose, put some pretty lights on it and she still loves it now. She was still BF occasionally in the night at the time and it made it so much easier for me to pop in with her for a quick cuddle and feed without waking the baby. And when baby woke she was right there too so was always able to feed them both back to sleep before anyone woke up too much.

Unicorners · 12/10/2020 08:10

Didn't work for us unfortunately, it ended up being musical beds for a while as we all disturbed each other too much.

p0ptart · 12/10/2020 08:29

It really depends on your baby. It hasn't worked for us as DD2 wakes up every hour or two, and doesn't always settle right down. If your older one is already a troubled sleeper, this would make it worse. What we ended up doing is that I sleep with the baby, and DH goes to DD1 if she wakes up in the night. Everyone's sleep is maximised this way.

BiBabbles · 12/10/2020 08:47

Once mine were moved to from our bed to their own bed, we put a trundle mattress or one of those soft chairs that folds out to a small bed mat so one of us could rest/sleep in there if needed.

When we had toddler and baby, this usually looked like my spouse doing that while I took care of the baby, though I'd do evening sit/rests in at times.

Feefifo9 · 12/10/2020 08:53

If she is sleeping through could she go to your DP at night?

Dinosaursinthebathtub · 12/10/2020 12:48

Thanks for these replies. I guess we'll have to see how we all get on! I don't want to change too much at this stage so will try as envisaged above and go from there

I know it seems the obvious answer for DC1 to go into DH's room but he is such a light sleeper, gets up really early to drive into London and is at a critical stage in starting a business. I'm not being a martyr but as a family we really need him to get a decent night's sleep ideally every day or at the very least week days because he brings in the only income at the moment and also it's a brilliant opportunity and he's doing so well and touch wood should really benefit the DC in the long run. I'll look for another job once DC2 is 9/12 monthsish although bit nervous about Covid job market (thankfully we are fine financially on his salary until then, which is reasonably secure)

OP posts:
Dinosaursinthebathtub · 12/10/2020 12:51

(I know I said DC1 sleeps through once in adult bed but there's still her waking the parent up to climb in and I think even her wriggling a bit after will disturb him. I'm so used to it all I can generally go straight back to sleep even though I'm a light sleeper too)

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Stompythedinosaur · 12/10/2020 13:27

We ended up with a double futon on the floor of the dc's room and I slept there with baby dd2 and toddler dd1 on each side of me.

Stompythedinosaur · 12/10/2020 13:28

To add - we transitioned to both dc in their own beds without a huge effort when they were around 1 and 3. I dont particularly regret co-sleeping.

miimblemomble · 12/10/2020 13:50

Lol yes, 4 in a bed for years :-) well, 4 in a super king plus single plus sidecar cot - it was massive! Baby was either beside me or rolled over into the cot, DS1 between me and DH, and DH next to the wall. Very cosy and great for easy night feeding. They didn’t wake each other up at all. They went to their own beds when DS1 was 5 and DS2 was 2.

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