Does anyone still co-sleep with their school aged child?

[itustiime]

DS is only 3 but I'm aware school is only a year away. We've always shared a bed (we both sleep better that way but it's also culturally normal for me)

Do I need to have him sleeping on his own by school age?

[TheFormerPorpentinaScamander]

DS2 didn't completely stop sleeping in my bed until my (now ex) bf moved in when he was 9ish. Had I stayed single he might have slept in with me for longer. I can't imagine he told anyone at school though!
A couple of times we both slept in his single bed instead. He invited me for a 'sleepover'

[PaperMonster]

@Littlepond

I was never allowed in my mums bed as a kid. My friends used to get in their parents bed if they had as scary dream or whatever but I wasn’t allowed. I still remember how sad that made me. They aren’t little for long! Let them stay in your bed as much as they need I reckon, my daughter slept in my bed in and off until she was about 6 (Seats started in her own bed, about 4 nights a week ended up in mine! I’d wake up and there she was 😂)

Me too @Littlepond and it has affected me into adulthood. I never intended to co-sleep however that’s what my child has needed as she has got older, so I attend to her needs, allowing her to set her own pace for independence in that respect. I didn’t want her to go through the fear that I went through. She’s far more confident than I ever was and we have a closer relationship than I ever have had with my parents. I’m by no means a perfect parent, but we’re doing ok.

[Sleakeasy]

@Wolfgirrl

My daughter is nine years old. She sleeps with me most nights. Yes, I’m single but she doesn’t sleep with me for my comfort, I’m not bothered either way. She sleeps out at her dads and grandmas weekly and happily sleeps in her own bed and has sleepovers with friends no problem. She’s not a needy child. In fact, out of the two of them, she’s the more confident.shes also the child that like snuggles the most and will often come and hug me for no reason.

[haba]

@Wolfgirrl If there's one thing MN has taught me it's that there are as many ways to raise children as there are families. Every family does things their own way, some of which seem outlandish to us as individuals, but that doesn't make them weird.
I say this kindly, because I can look back at myself and recognise my own faults -when you have one child that is one year old you're still in almost the steepest part of the learning curve. Not that having two makes any difference... because my second did nothing that my first did, it was all back to square one again

My children have coslept at various points in their lives, for DC2 that started in hospital after birth when he fed almost non-stop for 24 hours, and the nurses put the sides of the bed up and said "just pop him in there with you". DD had a mattress in our room for months at a time, as she is scared of the dark, and has anxiety.
They mostly sleep in their own beds now, but occasionally come back in if having bad dreams, or feeling unwell etc. They still "camp" in each others bedrooms in the holidays, and they're 14 and 11.

I know one of DD's close friends cosleeps with her mum permanently, which I think is a cultural norm for their family. DD was quite envious when she found out tbh, but now she is bigger my bed is more of a squish and she actually appreciates her space more.

[Givemlala]

I would move rooms and he comes in to you if he wants to co sleep or needs comfort. Surely you both could do with your own space?

[gamerchick]

Yeah but bluntness has raised the thing though. You're getting in with the bairn, not the other way around. Your question doesn't really count for those of us who's kid did it all on their own terms.

[itustiime]

Yeah we get it Bluntness, I've addressed your concern. My kid is fine with it , it's culturally normal for me and it's not actually what I posted about, I just wanted to know if some kids still shared a bed with their parents and that's been answered

[Bluntness100]

Again this is about children getting into their parents beds. That’s not what’s happening here. The op sleeps permanently in her child’s bed.

[AlohaMolly]

DS4 slept until his own cot in his own room from 8 weeks (I know, against guidelines) to 4 months and slept 6.30/7 - 7am religiously, without fail. He was breastfed and we’d coslept until that point.

From 4 months until around 10 months, due to struggles with weaning and a gluten intolerance, DS woke almost every night every two hours and I was honestly losing my mind. I had a camp bed in his room, would put him down in his cot and inevitably end up on the camp bed with him.

At 14 months we got a proper single bed because my back was in bits. He’d go to sleep in it and if he woke up I’d end up in with him.

He was never allowed in our bed, but I would always get in with him. Now he’s 4 he sometimes sneaks in to bed and we wake up with him there and it’s fine. If he wakes in the night and I wake up, I generally sit with him until he sleeps again and then come back to my bed.

Tbh, it’s whatever suits. I can’t get worked up over DC wanting to sleep in their parents’ beds as long as everyone is getting sleep!

[Legoandloldolls]

My dd who is just about to into year 1 could sleeps. I hate it. She constantly kicks me and I have to sleep on the very edge of the super king size bed.

I sleep in her bunk bed now. I'm hoping that school stays open in September to get into a routine again and her to be tired by 8pm again

[Shmithecat2]

DS starts reception next month. We coslept until about a year ago. Since then, I still have to stay with him til he's asleep in his room then I go to my bed, but he always wakes between 1 and 4 am and calls out for me, so I get back in with him. I'm fed up with it now tbh, but it is what it is. Hoping he stop waking in the night soon.

[Littlepond]

I was never allowed in my mums bed as a kid. My friends used to get in their parents bed if they had as scary dream or whatever but I wasn’t allowed. I still remember how sad that made me. They aren’t little for long! Let them stay in your bed as much as they need I reckon, my daughter slept in my bed in and off until she was about 6 (Seats started in her own bed, about 4 nights a week ended up in mine! I’d wake up and there she was 😂)

[JingsMahBucket]

@BobbyEgg

I wonder how many of these situations benefit the adult more than the child!

^^ this. I wonder whose separation anxiety is a play sometimes with some people or particular situations. Lots of the posters here sound well adjusted but it’s something that has crossed my mind over the years IRL.

[blue25]

Depends how much it affects your relationship with your partner. I like the intimacy of being in bed with my partner without children.

Most people I know who still co-sleep are single parents and it’s for their own benefit e.g. company rather than the child’s benefit.

[AltheaThoon]

The NHS advises you not to

The only reason I ever started bed sharing was because an NHS midwife put my newborn baby in bed with me in hospital. The most dangerous kind of co-sleeping is unplanned co-sleeping - falling asleep on the sofa or bringing baby in following drug or alcohol use it when completely exhausted etc. When all the advice is followed it's actually very safe.

[OnceUponACat]

My 12 dd sneaks in often in the middlemof the night. Sometimes because she had a bad dream and somethinh just because she wants to. I don’t mind at all. Sometimes my 15 yo comes and sleeps with me. Perfectky independent DC. And Sometimes we all want to be on our own and in peace. I don’t see why there should be a rule.
I have never been allowed to sleep with my parents and think it was ridiculous and sad.

[ExtremelyBoldSquirrels]

@PaperMonster

I was advised how to co-sleep safely by NHS midwives.

As was I. And pointed towards some useful resources.

[Solasum]

My DS is 6.5 and would sleep in my bed every night if I let him. At the beginning of lockdown I did let him, as it felt right to be extra close.

Now we are back to normal, he goes to sleep in his room, but it is only very seldom I wake up in the morning and he isn’t next to me. I know it won’t be forever, and I don’t see any harm in it at all. He basically sleep walks to my room and doesn’t wake me up, and we get cuddles in the morning which is lovely, especially now he is so active he barely ever comes near me during the day.

[PaperMonster]

I was advised how to co-sleep safely by NHS midwives.

[gamerchick]

[quote Wolfgirrl]@AllBellyandBoobs

The NHS advises you not to[/quote]
The NHS does a blanket 'the general public is thick'. Co sleeping is perfectly safe with babies as long as it's done safely.

Your normal is your normal. I personally dont understand bed sharing with another adult but don't judge them for it. I wish I'd got my own room sooner me. Seems mad I didn't before just because it's the 'done thing'.

[Millie2013]

DD is 7 and regularly comes into our bed v early in the morning, or earlier if something wakes her
If she’s feeling unsettled, or ill, she’ll sleep with us from the outset
She’s happy and sassy and independent, it definitely hasn’t had a negative impact on her

[Wolfgirrl]

@AllBellyandBoobs

The NHS advises you not to

[AllBellyandBoobs]

[quote Wolfgirrl]@StinkySaurus my daughter spent her first night with her grandparents the other week. She went down at 7ish (in the cot) and slept all night! Didnt wake up once. It's times like that I'm pleased I put the effort into her sleeping independently, although the primary reason was safety as co sleeping with babies is dangerous.[/quote]
Cosleeping with babies is not dangerous as long as you are sensible

[Roomba]

@StinkySaurus

How did your toddlers/ kids cope with sleepovers with grandparents? What age did it work? Did they have to co sleep too? Asking because I’m still cosleeping with my toddler, haven’t had a night off!

We never did sleepovers with grandparents as they live too far away. But DS2 sleeps in his own bed at his dad's house. It takes him ages to get to sleep there, but he's fine once he's actually asleep. I imagine he'd be the same at grandparents.

[Roomba]

To add - DS1 was similar to DS2 and crept into my bed often until 8 or 9. He's definitely not too enmeshed or codependent - at almost 15 he'd be pretty horrified at the idea of sharing a bed with me now! Never did either of us any harm and meant I've had a hel of a lot more sleep over the years than I would have done otherwise (vital when DS2 was the worst sleeping baby and toddler EVER).