7 year old saying to an adult ‘you’re being silly’- rude?

[ComeHereToMe]

DS is devastated because his teacher gave him into trouble for this today. He’s a very young 7 and genuinely wouldn’t have meant it in a bad way. He’s so upset.

[ChaToilLeam]

If he is truly devastated then he really does need some help with becoming more resilient, as well as knowing that he can’t speak to his teacher in that way. It’s not likely it’s going to be the last time in life he gets a ticking off, so he needs to be able to learn what he needs to learn from it and move on.

[Glamazoni]

Depends what was said and why. I could totally see my eldest saying the teacher was silly if she was wrong and insisted she wasn’t, for example.

[ifiwasascent]

I remember when I was 5/6 calling a teacher a silly billy and getting into so much trouble for it but I couldn't understand what I did wrong she was being silly!

[Downton57]

The teacher wouldn't have spoken to him about it if she hadn't felt it was inappropriate, so clearly she wasn't joking around and being deliberately 'silly' at the time. He isn't 'devastated', just a bit upset about being called out. I imagine a lot of children are struggling to adjust to being back at school and are trying to use the language, work avoidance strategies and attitudes that worked when they were at home last term. Teachers will have to be firm in this period of adjustment, and it will not help anyone if parents refuse to accept that their children need to behave/speak to adults differently in school than they might do at home.

[BananaPop2020]

I think the term “devastated” is probably a bit over dramatic. People use words out of context so often these days and it really devalues them.

[helpfulperson]

'It also depends what ' gave into trouble' means. Probably for that I'd have said 'that isnt an ok way to talk to an adult' and thought nothing more of (obviously depending on circumstances). Children do sometimes get very upset about the gentlest of hints that they may have done something wrong but that's how we learn. Obviously if she sent him to the HT it's different.

[feistyoneyouare]

@feistyoneyouare Who decides what is considered to be 'cheeky' Poor kids must be really confused when adults can say whatever to them, but if they say the same thing back it is considered rude.

Not if adults are polite to them too and don't just 'say whatever'. ('You are being silly' isn't an especially constructive thing for an adult to say to a child either.)
I agree that can be confusing for kids, but they need to be taught to speak to adults and their peers alike with respect.

My aunt said the wrong grammar once and I said," it's do isn't it?" She had said "does". She sent me home from a sleepover with a slapped arse, I was five. Adults don't like to be corrected.

Well, obviously that was wrong of your aunt. In that instance you had corrected her politely. Not the same thing as if you'd told her she was being silly.

[Enormouscroc]

There is no context to the OP, so maybe the child was in the wrong. However, Adults can be nobs and I don't agree that a child should show blind respect to an adult just for being an adult. Maybe the teacher was being silly. Children get told they're being silly all the time. I don't think it's that shocking that a child might have said it to an adult.

[Cheeeeislifenow]

Sorry, I took the respectfully as sarcastic. My bad I was being defensive.

[WhatamessIgotinto]

@Cheeeeislifenow

Respectfully from the SNA in the room, before you probably assume that I shockingly believe my child. I also work in the school, I know the teacher, he is a well known arse.

Umm nope I didn't assume anything @Cheeeeislifenow, I was asking (I thought politely actually, but there you go) as sometimes, as I'm sure you know, lines can get crossed.

That'll teach me to ask a civil question on MN.

[WestendVBroadway]

@feistyoneyouare Who decides what is considered to be 'cheeky'? Poor kids must be really confused when adults can say whatever to them, but if they say the same thing back it is considered rude. Children learn from what they hear, and if they have heard an adult say a certain phrase they will assume it is an acceptable thing to say to others. I am not saying that children should be able to get away with saying anything, but perhaps instead of the teacher telling the child off she should have gently explained it was not appropriate.

[Cheeeeislifenow]

Respectfully from the SNA in the room, before you probably assume that I shockingly believe my child. I also work in the school, I know the teacher, he is a well known arse.

[Cheeeeislifenow]

We don't know if he was being cheeky, or if the teacher was indeed being silly, if he is the kind of kid who is upset about getting into trouble, I'm gonna make a big assumption that he hadn't meant it in a cheeky way, we don't know that for sure, but some people here are suggesting that this child is being a brat. A brat doesn't say "you are being silly".

[WhatamessIgotinto]

Example, older children but in my ten year olds class, the teacher roared at a child for dropping something by accident. Another child, after the one who was humiliated said, "you shouldn't have shouted, it was an accident". The teacher wasn't happy and said child was rude, I think the child stood up for someone who was being picked on unfairly. Respect is a two way street.

Can I ask, respectfully, how you know this is what happened @allCheeeeislifenow?

[Cheeeeislifenow]

My aunt said the wrong grammar once and I said," it's do isn't it?" She had said "does". She sent me home from a sleepover with a slapped arse, I was five. Adults don't like to be corrected.

[feistyoneyouare]

You literally have no idea what the context is, as do I. I didn't even say that it had. I am just explaining how sometimes adults can be in the wrong and I think it is okay for children to point it out, I think we have moved past the damaging era of children should be seen and not heard.

@Cheeeeislifenow so it's fine for children to be cheeky to adults?

It's not about 'seen and not heard.' It's rude to tell someone they're being silly. He's young and may not have realised this, but it's an important lesson.

Yes, sometimes it's not inappropriate for a child to point out an adult is in the wrong. But politely.

[Cheeeeislifenow]

Oh God, some of these replies, he said silly, not you're being an absolute bells end, big difference people.

[WestendVBroadway]

It definitely depends on the context, but I personally wouldn't immediately think it was rude. I clearly recall an incident when I was aged about 9/10 at the end of the day at primary school; my friend and I were looking for another friend , so had walked through the school a few times and had gone past our teacher twice already. When we passed her a third time my friend said "Oh, we meet again!" The teacher went ballistic and called her out for her rudeness. To this day 40 years later I cannot understand what my friend did wrong.

[mbosnz]

The teacher didn't get your son into trouble for saying this - he got himself into trouble saying this to a teacher.

If he learns this early to watch what he says to teachers, and to appear respectful even if he doesn't respect them, it will stand him in very good stead for the rest of his educational career.

And beyond, when he'll know not to tell his manager that he's being a silly pillock, even when he's being a silly pillock.

[Longtalljosie]

I stayed with a friend once a long way away and she was playing with her DD and mine while I drifted in and out of sleep with jetlag. DD called friend’s DD a “silly-billy” and was reprimanded - it was a term of affection for us. I didn’t want to start the trip on a bad note so left it - plus she was doing me a big favour! But some terms can really go one of two ways...

[netflixismysidehustle]

It depends on the context.

"You're being silly" could be quite bossy and rude like "You are wrong" " You're being ridiculous" but it could be observational eg teacher uses a funny voice or tells a joke. Tone in second instance is more 😂

[flower11]

Context is everything. Was the teacher being silly or did he perceive she was. My dd is 7 and on the spectrum she sees everything as black and white and takes things literally. This is something she would say. Last year her teacher had a reputation for being fun and pulling faces ,wearing silly glasses etc. So I guess she would have been ok with dd telling as it was .
Depends on the context of the interaction.
.

[Diva66]

Yes he was rude. Now he’s upset and he’s learned a lesson,

[Iminaglasscaseofemotion]

It's 6.30 and he's 7, but he's too tired to talk about something that's upsetting him. Why didn't you ask him what happened when he told you?

[Witchend]

It depends on the situation, but I would say there would be very few times where it would be appropriate for a 7yo to say it to a teacher.
Favourite uncle playing around to make them laugh would be different.