If you don't let your children play with toy guns...

[BoatingLife]

If you don't let your children play with toy guns, please can you talk about how this has worked out for you? E.g. how you have managed this, and navigated it as the children have got older? I feel quite unsure about my DS playing with toy guns. I am definitely not going to buy him any. (He's a baby just now). And I'm quite clear about conversations I can have with him about it, but not about how to manage within the context of other people's children, or when my DC have play dates etc and see others with toy guns, or when he is gifted toy guns...

I know there'll be some who think this approach is wrong and may say "let children be children", "they are just toys", "don't be so woke / namby pamby / liberal" etc etc. But if you are along the same line of thought as I am, and in your gut instinct as a parent it feels wrong, what do you do about it?

[AIMD]

I was certain I didn’t want any gun type tops in my house when I had my son. He’s 6 now and has a ton of guns and gun/sword/ knight/police type toys are what he is drawn to. I’m not sure where it came from because he didn’t watch any thing that involved guns when he was small, it was all paw patrol and the like.

I think it’s easier to restrict what they play with when they’re smaller but it becomes less easy as they get older and interact with other children, especially older children.

I still don’t Particularly like toy weapons. However having seen my son play with them and then go to school as one of the quietest most timid kids who would never hurt a class mate, I’m not worried that gun play makes him violent or anything.

We do talk a lot though. So even though he is only 6 we have spoken about real guns being things that aren’t nice because they’re only used for hurting people.

As others have said. Even if you don’t have toy guns often kids will find things to make into guns/swords etc.

[multivac]

I never understand why the whole 'I refused to buy them toy guns, so they turned twigs/Lego/fingers into guns instead' argument is supposed to be in favour of toy guns.

I was happy for our boys to make their own 'guns' out of stuff that would also, a minute later, be a wand, or a spoon to stir a cooking pot, or a strut for some kind of construction. Absolutely never saw the point of, or need for, a 'toy' that has been deliberately constructed so it can only be one thing, namely a replica killing tool.

[AIMD]

@multivac

I never understand why the whole 'I refused to buy them toy guns, so they turned twigs/Lego/fingers into guns instead' argument is supposed to be in favour of toy guns.

I was happy for our boys to make their own 'guns' out of stuff that would also, a minute later, be a wand, or a spoon to stir a cooking pot, or a strut for some kind of construction. Absolutely never saw the point of, or need for, a 'toy' that has been deliberately constructed so it can only be one thing, namely a replica killing tool.

I think the reason I said that was to point out that just because you choose not to buy a toy gun doesn’t mean a child won’t play guns with something else.

You make a good point though. I wouldn’t ever choose to buy a gun as a toy and am not sure why anyone would. but my son has toy guns he has chosen himself from his spending money or from family. I do wonder if I should have stopped them when others tried to gift them but I think I’ve lost the battle now.

[DioneTheDiabolist]

think its also about normalising this kind of stuff and whatever is normal in your household will be what they are used to etc, Ive literally never seen mine try to play with gun moves - I guess we dont watch much with guns in yet- we mostly watch cebebbies

I would have typed this until I I found Sadam's WMD stashed under my sofa.🤣🤣🤣

[HelloDulling]

We did no guns, and no Barbie dolls. I knew the DCs would play with them at other people’s houses, but we never had them at home. It was a non issue, DS was never bothered, and has never been a Lego/stick/fingers gun kid.

[CarlottaValdez]

We don’t have any toy guns. He does pretend other things are guns sometimes. Also recently a lot about poison, bombs, all sorts of weapons. I really struggle with it all. He made himself a knife out of cardboard and I said he couldn’t have a pretend knife so he started calling it his “death poker”. I mean FFS.

[Notredamn]

No 'PFB' (yes it is patronising) here. My eldest is a teen, the others close behind. We're not interested in guns in this family so I didn't buy any. It's as simple as that. They didn't fashion any out of toast or anything, either. Just played with other things 🤷‍♀️ not all made from wood 🙄 and they eat chocolate too

[multivac]

AIMD I think it's yet another one of those 'parenting choices' things that's presented as a binary offer (either you are, like, totally uptight and won't let your precious angel anywhere near a Tool Of Violence, and then of course they grow up to be a serial killer; or you are, like, totally cool and let your child have All The Gun Toys and they grow up to win a Nobel Peace Prize) - when actually, it's perfectly possible to decide to keep replica weapons out of your home while your kids are small, and still be pretty chill about the fact that kids play-fight, including with weapons...

[Notredamn]

Agreed @multivac

[AIMD]

@CarlottaValdez

We don’t have any toy guns. He does pretend other things are guns sometimes. Also recently a lot about poison, bombs, all sorts of weapons. I really struggle with it all. He made himself a knife out of cardboard and I said he couldn’t have a pretend knife so he started calling it his “death poker”. I mean FFS.

Death poker 😂😀

[WeAllHaveWings]

Ds had huge water pistols and various nerf guns.

Water pistols were about getting people wet. Nerf guns were either about target practice or a competition to see who got hit/was out first.

Neither were ever about guns, violence or killing.

I can't remember ds ever "making a gun" out of anything, or wanting what I would call a "real gun" toy. I always think they are the kind of thing my dbros wanted in the 70s because dad watched lots of John Wayne and Clint Eastwood cowboy movies, what are young kids watching now they want/role play with guns?

[BigusBumus]

A question then. What about being invited to Laser Quest birthday parties (or whatever your local one is called)?

My sons all went to loads between about 8 and 11 years.

The kids all wear a chest harness thing and are given a fun and set off into a darkened room which is like wooden maze and they all shoot at each other. The cheat harness records the hit with a vibration and a sound and counts the hits.

They run round like it's the most exciting thing ever and afterwards. Red faced and laughing they are given a print off of who scored the most hits and ranked in order.

Then they eat chicken nuggets etc before going home.

My late teen boys still recall those parties with joy. When they were early and mid teens it changed to paint balling parties which they also loved.

Are you planning to say they can't do any of that? Out of interest.

[BigusBumus]

*given a gun
*chest harness not cheat

[Mumsie007]

Its not PFB its just how you choose to raise them and it being normal - it would certainly be weird for us to have guns in the house. No one has ever bought us one, weve never needed one. Yes there are different levels of weapons and Im ok with wands because you can also do healing magic, turn people into a frog etc which is far more fun imo than saying your killing someone. If thats ok for kids perhaps they need an understanding of death - its not funny to be shot at and you need to teach them that. I wouldnt buy lots of things that are clearly innapropriate for children, playing killing is probably just about the worst thing you could play at? Rescusing people with lightsabers or doing disarming spells on people is very different to shooting each other. Its how you teach them to play and where they would learn that from. Agree that if a certain child has a major interest in something like weapons using that for learning a skill like fencing/ archery/ shooting makes more sense. Violence is just not ok anywhere so cant understand anyone saying its ok for children to be violent. If they need the skill for self defence its different. But we dont in the UK.

[Alexandernevermind]

I think it's fair enough. We are farm based but when mine were tiny I said no guns until they were old enough to respect them. Now as teens / pre teen they both own air rifles and shot guns. They understand that guns are a tool and not a weapon.

[QuestionMarkNow]

@multivac

AIMD I think it's yet another one of those 'parenting choices' things that's presented as a binary offer (either you are, like, totally uptight and won't let your precious angel anywhere near a Tool Of Violence, and then of course they grow up to be a serial killer; or you are, like, totally cool and let your child have All The Gun Toys and they grow up to win a Nobel Peace Prize) - when actually, it's perfectly possible to decide to keep replica weapons out of your home while your kids are small, and still be pretty chill about the fact that kids play-fight, including with weapons...

YY @multivac

@BigusBumus, my dcs have both been to maybe one of those. And even though I never had any toy gun in the house, I didn’t say no (even if this is the type of stuff that makes me uncomfortable for the same reasons, I don’t want toy guns in my house).

However, I can’t say they have better memories of this laser quest parties than any other parties they have been to.

[drspouse]

Mine don't. DS is 8 and DD is 6. We have family in places where people keep guns in their houses. Guns are not toys.
Nursery and school have no guns policies, including pretend. If they pretend to shoot at home we remind them guns are never a toy. DD school sometimes have water play days and they are allowed to take in water guns. We send them with rocket style blasters or just water bottles. At home they use water bottles for water play.
They just know now, it hasn't been an issue. DS has ADHD and can be impulsive but it's not like having a gun is an innate instinct or something like some people make out.
He also watches YouTube game play but he uses YouTube Kids and we keep any eye out and block any gun play.

[QuestionMarkNow]

@Alexandernevermind, it’s a very good point about the difference between guns as a tool (and a dangerous one) and guns as a weapon.

[drspouse]

@Alexandernevermind yes mine will be taught to use them properly - the Scout campsite has a rifle range. When they are old enough.

[willitbetonight]

I used to think like you. I don't any more. It's just playfighting. Nerf battles and the like are good fun too.

[drspouse]

If you are saying no to guns what about Wands when he's old enough to watch Harry Potter or light sabers when he's into Star Wars
How many families have real light sabers and real wands that kill people in their homes?
How many children are killed with light sabers and wands across the world each year?

[thirdfiddle]

I say stick to your guns - er that is I agree it's fine and a good idea not to have them. Yes they occasionally make up something gun-like but having physical gun toys that can't be deconstructed or changed into something else at the end of the day just pushes them into more of that sort of play.

I also make clear that I won't join in gun play or have imaginary guns pointed at me, and explain why I think it's not a fun game.

[Sidewinder30]

Assuming that your dc are not in a place with ready access to real guns/weapons (that is, most of the UK): I think a no toy guns rule is pointless. Shooting at each other with water pistols or Nerf guns will not make your child think that hurting/shooting people is okay. Because I also assume that if you are concerned about toy guns, you will be talking to your dc about violence. As long as you educate your children about treating others well and the dangers of real violence - let them play.

[VashtaNerada]

My DCs have water pistols and laser guns but I wouldn’t particularly want a toy gun that actually looks like a gun Iyswim. Neither child has ever asked for one luckily but I’d just explain why I don’t like them if it came to it. Both (DD & DS) have occasionally pretended a stick was a gun but it’s not majorly bothered me. And if they play with one at someone else’s house so be it. In terms of presents, I had a similar situation at DD’s 4th birthday when she was given sexualised dolls, make-up etc. I didn’t particularly react to it because I didn’t want to make them even more desirable to her! I just made sure I bought a range of toys over the years to balance it out. The make up was put away for fancy dress.

[Sidewinder30]

How many children are killed with light sabers and wands across the world each year?

Very few, one hopes! But in the UK has a reasonably low incidence of gun crime, and a mich higher incidence of knife crime. I don't think playing with toy swords (or sticks used as swords) is going to make them think stabbings are okay, either, but if you want worry about weapons they have access to, worry about knives.