Passive-aggressive schoolgate mum....rumours of me having voted Brexit

[NotVeryChattySchoolMum]

Been doing primary school runs for the past 7 years - all pretty good so far. Even when our kids had squabbles, we all had good humour.

Then one of my DS best friend's mum turned sour and stopped all social invites, incl playdates (outside birthday parties) even though the boys were still close friends. About 3 yeas ago.

I felt she was being...awkward. Not neutral/just lost interest. I was resigned and put it down to 'one of those things hearing people' do as they tire of communication barriers with deaf people (me), deaf are used to constant social isolation. All written communication involving children were very civil.

However she was being unpleasant last time our families bumped into each other last time and I decided to text her, what's going on. She fobbed off with 'nothing, I was just tired, please don't take it personally'. I pressed further, 'No, come on, you have been acting so weird way longer than that!'

She said it's to do with me voting Brexit. Apparently my DS told her DS. She said sorry, it is my right to vote whoever I want, and she was trying to be civil but given the profound impact on her life as EU citizen, she can't look at me and not think of me voting Brexit, sorry to have made more spectacle of it than she should have.

Except...I voted Remain. My DS for some reason speculated I did vote Brexit and told his friend (both about 7-8 yrs old at the time). I was blissfully unaware.

So I texted back to that mum: 'Wow, if that's being honest, then I appreciate honesty. I don't generally tell kids who I vote because it's for them to think for themselves who's the best to vote, not copy what their parents or mates vote for. PS. I voted Remain'

She replied. 'Sorry if I got my wires crossed'.

Note - she couldn't resist adding 'if'.

Stone-walled further attempts at open-dialogue and everything I said was picked at worst possible interpretation and deflected badly on me, like I know nothing about Brexit.

Basically she made me feel like I wasn't worth engaging with.

Then I heard from my DS (now 10) that he thought I voted Tories last GE and told his friend. He probably told his mum. Also, not true.

So I am pretty screwed, lol.

No apologies from the mum. She doesn't seem to care.

I wish to ignore this and it seems so ridiculous that she acted on childrens' speculation. Educated 40+ something middle class woman with 4 languages did this. She can't have had that much respect for me to start with.

So it happened. Please tell me how not to be sensitive and feel shit, sigh.

[NotVeryChattySchoolMum]

Sorry, I didn't add information I thought I did.

That was a good lesson to speak to kids about confidentiality of some things.

[BritneyPeedOnALadybug]

Yep, you heard right, folks, about kids doing politics. My DS was recently doing this "I hope you didn't vote Tories! They are killing disabled people., etc." at adults he meets. It's always "[friend's name, that mum's son] said this and that", when questioned.

(full marks for those who spotted the amazing irony)

What irony?

Am I the only one that doesn’t get it?

[Scapegoatforlife]

I'd be having a word with my son about lying and shit stirring.

[Mlou32]

Why have we got to the stage where we think it's ok to treat people with contempt due to who they vote for? People generally vote for who they think will benefit them the most. That's it. We live in a democratic society and folk should be able to vote whatever way they please. If people don't want a democratic society or don't respect the right of an individual to vote whichever way they think is best then they should go and live in the likes of North Korea where democracy doesn't exist. Small minded people piss me off, can you tell?

Anyway, I personally would be glad to be shot of such a small minded idiot and I think she has done you a favour by pretty much ending the friendship. Remain civil but don't go back to her if she tries to rekindle the friendship after discovering that you voted in an 'acceptable' way.

[Oneliner]

Brexit's got a lot to answer for.

[NotVeryChattySchoolMum]

Yep, you heard right, folks, about kids doing politics. My DS was recently doing this "I hope you didn't vote Tories! They are killing disabled people., etc." at adults he meets. It's always "[friend's name, that mum's son] said this and that", when questioned.

(full marks for those who spotted the amazing irony)

[DowntonCrabby]

You’ve have had the proverbial Mother of all lucky escapes!!!

[gamerchick]

Does nobody think that it's a really strange thing for young kids to talk about with their pals... Twice?

I've not met a bunch of kids take much notice of politics.

[Veterinari]

I think you need to tell your child to stop wildly speculating about your politics and spreading rumours.

[KenDodd]

You say she's an EU citizen, I wonder if she's had some grief from racist Leave voters? I know even some EU children have been abused about it. Not that any of that would be your fault even if you had voted Leave. EU friends of mine have said the voted really did sting.

[Mopmum35]

Fuck all to do with her

[Aldilogue]

Wow. Does she not understand the ridiculousness of her attitude? Do kids really talk about these things. It must be so confusing for them to hear what’s happening but not really understand it, so they make comments about it because they think they should have an opinion on something they have no idea about. And what is she doing assuming what she heard is true??!!
I hope it’s not too stressful seeing her all the time, it would bother me having to see her everyday but just remember your opinion even if you did vote the other way is just as valid. That’s why it’s called a vote.

[SkinRash]

She sounds like a petulant asshole. How dare she judge you on how a kid says you voted!?

It's hardly the type of thing kids mention it sounds to me like she's been grilling your child!

Never mind she may be packing her selfish judgmental ass back to wherever she came from soon . You don't need people like her in your life. I'd ignore her as if she's completely invisible at the school gates.

[Fourtights]

Sorry this has happened to you.

I think all you can do is keep your head held high. You can't make close minded people open their minds.

I suspect she's probably embarrassed about how she has acted but instead of facing up to the fact she has behaved foolishly, she is just doubling down.

She isn't worth the space in your head or heart.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

”And tell your son who and what you vote for is confidential he shouldn't speculate“

I agree with @slipperywhensparticus - and I’d add that, even if he knows how you have voted, he doesn’t have the right to share that information without your permission. You could explain to him that the whole point of a secret ballot is that it is secret, mainly to avoid people influencing/dictating how someone votes, but that it also to prevent this sort of friction.

[AmazingGreats]

@BoxyLoxy

From the picture the OP painted I wouldn't be surprised if she actually IS anti vax.

If it was me I'd get a I love Farage t-shirt and wear it on the school run every day along with a Union Jack hat or something. But then I'm a piss taker with no friends who spends the school run with headphones in trying to disappear. So what do I know?

[BoxyLoxy]

She sounds unhinged and a totalitarian idiot with no idea how democracy works. Stonewall her right back and spread a rumour that she is an anti vaccer or something.

[Lindy2]

Why on earth would you want to be friendly with someone who doesn't respect democracy?

[mumwon]

a lot of people I know & like may well /did vote Brexit - I think their action misguided ill informed etc but that is one decision & we can do nothing about it - I challenge people racist views mostly when face to face in a round about way on line anonymously no holds barred, but, we all have to live together

[SilverOtter]

Regardless of what she thinks, you are entitled to vote how you please. That's how democracy works.
To ditch a friend/acquaintance over something they believe in (and in this case, actually DON'T believe in) is shockingly bigoted and ignorant.
I know it makes things awkward, but I agree with previous posters - you are well shot of her!

[katy1213]

I don't think I'd want to be friendly with someone who is so bigoted.

[EnidButton]

*10 year olds

[EnidButton]

On the positive side, 10 years 'discussing' politics bodes well for the future. Good that they're taking an interest so young. Maybe have a chat with him about voting and how people decide etc.

[slipperywhensparticus]

Your deaf? Turn your back on her (my friend used to remove her hearing aids or pointedly turn them off she claimed she had an advantage of hearing people because she could choose not to listen to idiots)

And tell your son who and what you vote for is confidential he shouldn't speculate

[EnidButton]

Start wearing all blue and yellow and flying the EU flag from your car.