Feel bad for 9 year old - Santa not real

[RevolvingPivot]

Hi. My dd11 figured our Santa wasn't real age 9/10. This year dd9 has been asking. I've told them he isn't so this is the first year they know for definite.

I feel bad that my eldest had two years of guessing but not knowing. I think being the younger sibling means they often grow up quicker.

I've just seen a post on Facebook where a woman is asking for advice on telling her son. (I can't see his age). There are a lot of replies that say their children age12-14 still believe.

Is this true?? I though they would know before secondary.

I suppose it's all part of growing up?

[Iamkmackered1979]

My 20 year old believes, none of 4 have asked me if he’s real I’m sure they know but enjoy the magic I think older ones keep it going for younger kids it’s nice.

[Nc123]

I was 6 when I started having doubts. My D.C. were 7 and 5 when the childminder’s stroppy 12yo decided to tell all the little ones. (I love my childminder and two of her children but this one is an arsehole in many ways, no idea why). They asked me about it and I said, “what do you think?” And 5yo announced, “well HE won’t be getting any presents with an attitude like that!”

So I left it but this year the older one is 9 and I thought I’d better say something. So we went for a hot chocolate and a walk and I told him all about how Father Christmas is the magic of Christmas and the spirit of giving, ever since St Nicholas gave gifts to poor children, and how when we are old enough we get to be part of the magic of giving presents as well as the magic of getting them. He said he still wanted to pretend because he thought it would be more fun, which is fine, and he understands that it isn’t ok to spoil the magic for other people by telling them before their time.

Surely they must have questioned though.

[Turquoisesol]

I am often tempted to tell them when they ask, but they don’t really want to know. They ask because they want it confirmed that he is real. They don’t want the real truth. I remember writing a letter to the tooth fairy when I was little and being disappeared that my mum hadn’t written back. I knew it was my mum, but I wanted her to go along with the magic anyway as it was fun.

[Fallagain]

Its bollocks. Out of a 180 kids in year 7 there will be o be one maybe two a year who still believe.

[Couchbettato]

My brother was 10 when he found out.

My mum told him father Christmas is just the human embodiment of the spirit of Christmas.

The spirit of Christmas is very real, and it's what people keep alive when they're give gifts and think of others and spend time with each other.

Just because he's not a jolly fat man who breaks in every Christmas Eve doesn't mean he's not real.

It just means father Christmas is a feeling, not a person.

[ancientgran]

My eldest is 50, he hasn't admitted to knowing yet but I suspect he likes the presents.

[mumpants]

I remember I was 8 when I found out from kids at school. But I never told my mum I found out...I didn't want to upset her or ruin the magic. I enjoyed playing along, and I did have younger siblings.

[DoucheCanoe]

My 9yo (admittedly not the sharpest tool in the box!) hasn't questioned whether Santa is real or not but has told me that others in her class said he's not. I didn't confirm or deny but asked her thoughts - she said that he must be real so I left it that.

My eldest genuinely never seemed to believe or maybe he didn't really care, he's very logically minded so I guess it never really made sense.

[Violinist64]

I honestly think that nine is very old to still believe in Father Christmas. I would have thought most normal children worked it out around seven or eight. I can remember just after my eighth birthday (December birthday) having a bath and thinking it would be impossible for one man to fly around the world and deliver presents to every single house in one night. I went downstairs and informed my parents of my discovery. They were not at all perturbed by my revelation and just told me to keep the secret from my younger brother and sister, which I did as I enjoyed being in collusion with the adults. I remember just before Christmas when my son was eight he asked if Father Christmas was real, obviously having worked it out, and I told him. I think my daughter was seven when she worked it out. I can’t understand the modern obsession with prolonging the belief in Father Christmas to the upper primary school years and l think it is more for the parent than the child. Children have to grow up. I prepare to be shot down in flames here.

[DoucheCanoe]

@Violinist64 please don't use the term "normal children".

[Violinist64]

@DoucheCanoe, I also have an autistic child who went to a special school. I am sorry if the word normal offends you, it doesn’t offend me, but if it does then please substitute the word neurotypical.

[Hopefullywaiting01234]

When I was in p7 we were tasked with replying to the p1s letter to Santa. One boy was in tears as he still believed and this confirmed he wasn’t real. I remember thinking it odd that he still believed at that age

[Headteacher415]

I think you should see it in degrees of belief for most children. When they're 5, they believe 100%. That becomes "doubt" a little later on when they start asking how it works. Which becomes scepticism, but they aren't ready to articulate it just in case he doesn't come. Which becomes "playing along" because it's a nice tradition. Which becomes they don't believe.

I was a Y6 teacher for many years, and can only remember one or two children who actually believed. But I know of plenty of others whose parents thought they did!

[DoucheCanoe]

@Violinist64 fair enough, either way though I think it's a bit off to insinuate that children over 7/8 who believe must not be "normal".

I'd say anywhere between 7-10 is average anything outside of that might not be typical but it's not wrong.

[stayathomer]

Ds is 12 and believes so much. It kind of snowballed year on year and added to that his class are really innocent. My 9 year old once said to him about the semantics of santa going around in a night and I heard him laugh and say 'of course magic doesn't make sense but Santa is one of the only truly magic things on the whole earth.' It was like something out of a movie and made me want to bang my head off the wall!! Definitely before secondary but not now it's December

[stayathomer]

I am often tempted to tell them when they ask, but they don’t really want to know. They ask because they want it confirmed that he is real.
My biggest shock was when my mum told me when I asked. I honestly didn't know. I was about 10/11

[MargaretThursday]

@Buttons294749

I swear in the 90s/olden days kids didn't really believe very late, parents didn't really make as much of an effort maybe? I can't remember any of my friends thinking he was real (although we all know he is obvs 🎅🏼🤶)

I agree (child of the 80s).

I know my dbro was told age 8yo because my parents decided he needed to know as he was in danger of being teased at school. Tbf that was probably because they knew if the subject came up at school then he would have stated the "facts" as he knew it and would not have backed down in not a particularly helpful way.
My and dsis were older and surprised that he still believed at that age, so it wasn't my parents being fussy about it, it was genuinely unusual to believe at that age.
I'd say generally it was about year 1 that most started having serious doubts.

For my dc, two of them, I have never had a conversation about it, so I'm not sure at what stage they went from believing to not believing.

My stance was always if they say out loud that they don't believe they break the magic and don't get a stocking. That was mostly to stop my middle one who when she found out (aged about 8/9yo) she was desperate to tell her little brother who was young enough that it wasn't fair.
She was told not to tell, and persisted trying to tell him, so I introduced the above, which stopped it.
I know full well they haven't believed for years (all teens) but it also means that they're careful in front of their much younger cousins etc. which I think is important.

[rosyAndMoo]

My son was 11. It was his first Christmas in secondary school. He’s been quivering for a year or two before, and we always flipped it and asked what he thought and went with that. At secondary school I felt it was important he knew the truth, but told him we could still pretend if he wanted, which so far he does.. he’s 12

[JonSnowIsALoser]

When my son was 7, he asked the epic question "Mummy, is Santa real, or is it just grown-ups messing with children's heads?" I had to tell him the truth, and far from being disappointed he was really pleased that I did. Felt very grown-up and trusted with that groundbreaking truth. He was also relieved because he felt that "although Santa is really nice, it is a bit creepy that he sneaks into people houses at night when they are asleep." He does have a point.

He has two older sisters, now teenagers, and I never had a "Santa is not real" conversation with them. They worked it out of course years ago but we all enjoy pretending that we still believe.

[MynameisWa]

@ancientgran are you my mum? She still hasn’t let on!

[HolidayTime2021]

10 seconds on google
Children know by year 3 mostly.

[CamCurls]

When my eldest was five and in reception he told me “Mummy, some of the children in my class believe in Father Christmas!” Before I could even start to reply he said “ Don’t worry, I didn’t spoilt it for them” Phew!
When he and his 3 younger siblings queried the existence of FC I just reminded them that presents would probably miraculously appear on Christmas morning and that was proof enough for me. So we just went along with the Christmas traditions.

[Goldbar]

My personal view (and I accept this is controversial) is that parents should never deny outright the existence of Santa when asked. Children will figure it out for themselves eventually when they are ready and then it just becomes a big, fun conspiracy that the whole household participates in. Children, even older ones, enjoy make-believe games that adults participate in. When I am out with my 4yo, we often pretend that we can spot dragons or fairies or that cats and dogs can talk. When they finally twig, I don't see why Santa can't simply become another imaginary game between us as it was for me and my parents growing up. My mother only finally acknowledged aloud that Santa doesn't exist when I was putting together my DC's first stocking.

[ancientgran]

[quote MynameisWa]@ancientgran are you my mum? She still hasn’t let on![/quote]
It's fun isn't it.

[PinkSyCo]

What??? Santa’s not real?!!! 😭