Solicitor and baby number 2

[tierneytarny]

Hi Guys

Just looking for some advice re: when it would be a good time to consider a second maternity leave as a solicitor. I’ve been back at work about 6 months. Prior to my first mat leave, I was on the cusp of promotion. Not sure if I’ll get it this year as the partner of the team hasn’t really discussed it much with me since my return (WFH hasn’t helped) but I would be confident in hitting it next year. My issue is I’m in my late 30s and obviously, that is a worry re: fertility wise (baby number 1 took longer to conceive than we would have thought or hoped).

I don’t want to lose another few years of the promotion but also, having another baby is important to me too.

Any help/ advice would be appreciated.

[tierneytarny]

Hopeful bump

[Coriandersucks]

I would say if you want both something has to give and in this case it needs to be the promotion that goes on hold.

Having two children close together is a brutal blow to the career (I know I did it myself) but much easier to recover from otherwise you’re just dragging out the inevitable.

[tierneytarny]

Thanks @Coriandersucks

I’m finding it very difficult. I’m fiercely ambitious and I really worked so hard for the promotion before my leave. Naively I believed my direct partner that what I had done previously would carry. I do want to progress in my career but now I’m stuck between the wanting number 2 and wanting promotion. I honestly think that work expect me to fall pregnant so it’ll be a hinderance whether I do or I don’t.

[Kassandra0507]

I totally understand your dilemma but would encourage you to start trying.
You wouldn't want to put it off and then look back and resent your decision to put your promotion first. Also, these things take time. What if you don't fall pregnant straight away.

I'm also due to start my TC in 2022 and already have DD1. We were hoping on having another before I start which means I would be starting my law career with two young children but figured it would mean not taking any mat leave during the first 5+ years of my career.
However the idea of being a trainee with children also gives me anxiety but it's my ambition that is keeping me going.

I think put your family desires first and continue to work hard to achieve the promotion, even if it does take a little longer.

[HelloMoto3]

Are you on the brink of being a partner? How much mat leave did you take for your first and what’s the attitude of the firm generally to parents?

[1940s]

Honestly you need to prioritise one or the other. If you are happy potentially having an only child then throw yourself into work. If you can't fathom not having a sibling for your child then start trying ASAP. You never know your fertility chances and length to conceive in your late 30s

[tierneytarny]

Thanks guys. I have become so disenchanted with work this week. I suppose angry at the whole situation. I have forced myself forward and thrown myself in to various firm activities recently to show that I am still willing to give it all (and to be honest, it’s easier to give a lot with WFH as BD/ training etc is all remote).

@Kassandra0507 TC with 2 small children will be hard but definitely doable. I did my TC with someone who had a baby part way through. Obviously not ideal but she did it and has a successful career.

@HelloMoto3 just a step below partner. It would open up partnership within a short period of time. I took a 11 months with baby one (and was encouraged to by HR and some female partners on the basis that a year was pretty standard and for the benefit of my own wellbeing so that I enjoyed time with my baby without feeling rushed). The firm is generally very supportive of family life and mothers. Strong female partners, who have reached the upper echelons. However, my team is very male. I’m the most senior female in the team and it is sometimes hard to break through them anyway.

@1940s I know you are right. As much as I want this promotion, to not have another baby would absolutely crush me. I want it all but maybe I’ll have to wait a little while. It’s just disheartening. I truly believed that women could step out and provided they stepped back in the same way, come back (and in most cases stronger!)

[Ceara]

What @1940s said. I'm a bit older than you, and I believe things are better then a decade ago when I got out of private practice but there's still a long way to go. I remember a male colleague being given partnership a couple of weeks before going on paternity leave with his second and receiving plaudits for being such an involved father. His wife was a lawyer too but didn't return to work after her second mat leave. It shouldn't havd to be that way. But... your fertile window is short. There will be a couple more decades to progress a fulfilling career, at your present firm and elsewhere. I am content with an only child (and one of the lucky ones to have him, after infertility and IVF) but the family you hope for is very personal to each of us. I know what it's like being unable to have a much-wanted baby. If not having a second would crush you, it seems to me that's your priority right now, bloody unfair as it is that your firm's attitudes aren't yet what they should be.

[tierneytarny]

@Ceara I know you are right. It helps to speak with fellow female lawyers. I’ve spent the weekend soul searching and working out what I want from work and from life. It is right, the career will be there and I will get it back on track when I can but fertility is only going to reduce.

[partyatthepalace]

Well I think you have to prioritise the baby, but make your ambitions known.

It also might be a good idea to consider a shorter maternity leave, if you could stand it. I know a year is common now but it’s challenging if you do two close together.

I think you just have to adopt a positive mindset that you will make partner even If it takes you a bit longer.

[tierneytarny]

Thanks @partyatthepalace I suppose I need to get a few more ducks in a row. Just a difficult pill to swallow

[user1487194234]

Would definitely get going with conceiving number 2
Do however make it clear you want promotion
Then when you are ready focus on getting the promotion/partnership
Hopefully it is better now than when We had my family 15 years ago
Never felt I was taken seriously after I had the children and eventually had to move to get my partnership

[tierneytarny]

Thank-you @user1487194234. I think it is getting better, maybe just the wrong team....I think the firm on a whole is good.

I’ll get there but for now, my husband and I are going to focus on TTC baby 2 and I’ll do all I can in the meantime to show them what I expect and what I deserve.

[user1487194234]

Good luck