How do I tell my boss I'm signed off?

[nicannie]

Never posted in the work threads but hoping for just some advice or support...

I'm 25w pregnant and been working as a PA for a director for over 2 years. Our relationship was always very chilled and he was approachable, we had a great way of arranging everything and working together even with him being out of the country a lot.

When I told him I was pregnant everything changed. He commented how he thought I was a bit young (I'm 25) and just hasn't made me feel great. Never asks anything about the baby and hasn't even discussed my plans for coming back. He went as far as telling me he almost 'forgot' about my pregnancy when I was 18w into it. I found out on Monday he has appointed my maternity replacement and requested her start date to be 9th December, only a week away. He originally said I'd get to help with the interview process or at least meet the person first, none of which had happened so I just feel awkward about it (probably just hormones ?!)

Anyways I haven't been sleeping properly, I dread going to work, he hardly communicates with me anymore, it's like he's almost put me on the shelf. He treats me like an idiot essentially.

Today I went to the doctors and they were really concerned about my low mood and self esteem regarding work and have signed me off under 'pregnancy related complications' as to not rock the boat. He advised me on taking long term sick and he was happy to do a note for a month, I was against it and said 2 weeks at the absolute max. But even with this sick note for 2 weeks, how do I even approach this? I mean, he's starting my replacement on Monday and he isn't around so I NEED to be there to train her, get her up and running. I feel riddled with guilt and I worry it's making my anxiety even worse!

Sorry that this is long, but if anyone can help me on just how I go about it or what they would do in this situation. I was thinking I can tell him about the sick note, try explaining how I'm feeling and that I'll be there for replacement starting as I just can't see any other way forward. Maybe things would improve if I tried to approach it

[ChipInTheSugar]

Check it doesn't trigger your Mat Leave starting, by putting it as pregnancy related. I'm a long time past these things, but that struck a chord.

[Teachermaths]

You phone /email and tell him you have a sick note for 2 weeks. You don't need to give a specific reason unless you want to.

They can't force you on mat leave until 36 weeks, you can be off sick until then without any further consequences.

[nicannie]

@chipinthesugar so I've read the policy and it states that any sick leave within 4 weeks of due date would put me straight onto Mat leave. My due date isn't until 13th March so guessing this two weeks as it stands won't trigger anything (I think)

[nicannie]

@teachermaths I'm just really worried how I'll feel when I have to go back after the 2 weeks - if it makes it worse Nd him worse with me? I am struggling with the thought of doing it this way due to the replacement starting Monday when he isn't even around and she won't have a clue what to do or anything !

[LolaSmiles]

You can't be forced onto maternity leave until 36 weeks.If you're not well enough to work then you're not well enough to work. So you call your boss and/or HR and inform them that you have been signed off.

I wouldn't read into him not asking about your plans for coming back. Once your forms are in with your entitlement it's for you to inform them when you wish to leave and return. Asking you about your plans could easily be constructed as them placing undue pressure on you during pregnancy.

[nicannie]

Thank you @lolasmiles that makes sense about the not asking about return plans. I know my mat replacement has a year mat cover contract as I said I'd be off 10 months and shes starting 2 months before I leave.

I'm clearly not well enough that the doctor has signed me off I guess, but the guilt is taking over my whole mood and I feel like I can't NOT go in tomorrow. Like what's the replacement meant to do Monday when she starts? I just feel like a let down and that he will really resent me for it.

[egontoste]

It's absolutely not your responsibility, or your problem. It really isn't, so don't worry or feel bad about it.

You have been signed off by the doctor, and that's that.

[nicannie]

@egontoste totally know what your meaning but it is playing on my mind so bad. I also don't want this cover person who I haven't even been allowed to meet yet to have a bad impression of me - it's just really worrying me!

[twoturtledove]

Do not let this play on your mind. You have been signed off for good reason and need to rest for the sake of you and baby. Don't think about work and enjoy your time relaxing.

[Di11y]

what would happen if you took 2 weeks holiday? if no one knows what to do with her and your boss isn't there, perhaps they'll get her to read some stuff, do one of those annoying H&S or IT e courses and shadow. that's what we'd do, and some one in the wider team or HR would sort it. not your problem.

[nicannie]

Thank you @twoturtledove I'm trying my hardest but I've literally been on the toilet (nervous poo) since I came home from doctors as I'm so worried about telling him. I'm really worried about how he will take it and what it will be like when I go back!

[nicannie]

@Di11y I hear what your saying completely. But as I'm his PA and his only direct report essentially there is no one else can shadow or learn from. So essentially I must be there to get her started and up to speed. It's really getting to me. I think HR would need to do something but again no idea what they could do

[twoturtledove]

@nicannie oh bless you! Please don't be nervous about this, you clearly need to rest. Just explain you've been signed off and that's it, you don't need to go into detail as the doctors note will have all he needs to know on it

[Dazedandconfused10]

He will have to cope with you not being in. Tough. It's nice if you can handover to your cover but what if you had left without notice or were hospitalised? He'd have no choice but to find an alternative way to train someone new.

[DownToTheSeaAgain]

Sit down now and write a handover (for the two weeks) document. Provide your replacement with an e mail address to contact you with if urgent then sit back and rest.

You can't change how they feel about you being sick and/ or pregnant. You can change how you feel about it.

Good luck.

[Constantlurker]

I wouldn't worry about having to be there. Any good PA worth their salt is able to figure it out, most PAs I know started their job with zero handover so 2 weeks is nothing. Take the time out, relax, then when you get back make sure you keep a record of everything. My only concern would be if you're due in march why bring in your maternity cover 3 months early?? That's a question you need to ask HR, and keep absolutely everything in writing. Congrats on the pregnancy!!

[nicannie]

@twoturtledove thank you - I'll try tomorrow but honestly I'm at the point where I want to be like this is the situation but I'll still come in when needed and do whatever. I feel like my self prides getting in the way possibly

[nicannie]

@Dazedandconfused10 when you put it like that it's so true!!! Good point well made x

[nicannie]

@DownToTheSeaAgain your right. It's me that needs to change mindset. And the write handover is a good idea, I guess I could make it idiot proof. Thank you!

[nicannie]

@Constantlurker your right there, I started as his left PA left him high and dry. He's been through many PAs until I came along as he is 'hard work' as others put it. And this replacement has been in PA roles for 8 years or longer... so maybe she will be fine without me for 2 weeks. I just worry then when I come back what will we both be doing? Fighting over things to do for him???

Ps I wondered the same. It's freaking me out, I arrived on Monday to work with the woman's documents to send to HR and told her start date was 9th December. I don't plan to leave until start / mid February. Thanks for the congrats x

[Constantlurker]

In that case it doesn't sound too bad - re-thinking it, December is a weird month to join, second half of it is mostly deathly quiet or you're on hols, then there's about 6 weeks of jan-mid Feb to hand over and slowly let her take over the reins. Means you can relax towards the end of your pregnancy and not be freaking out about having to handle him and cover his every need, you have the new PA to do that you're just there to guide her until you waddle off into the sunset to bring a beautiful baby into the world. Take the 2 weeks, maybe do what PP has suggested and write a short handover doc with the absolute essentials, then let her crack on. She will do things differently to you anyway so might give her the freedom to learn in her own way. I was a PA for many years and in the exact same situation as you, working for a very difficult man who went through many many assistants. I worked up until 4 days before I had a c section thinking i just absolutely had to do it as how could I just leave, only I knew how to handle him etc. I ran myself ragged and regret it so so much. Because It was absolute bollocks, the minute i left he just moved his natural 'charm' on to the other PA and as long as his meetings were being booked in and his expenses were being done he didn't actually give a crap about who did it, and you're in a perfect position of leaving him with someone who has already got to know him and his quirks. Try not to worry too much, I'm not a PA anymore but know how hard your job is and how mentally draining it can be, you get all of the pressure but none of the money!! Look after yourself and that baby, when he/she goes off to college you won't look back and think 'shit I should have sent that email instead' so don't give him a second thought.

[nicannie]

@Constantlurker yeah I like your take on it - and think I should think of it like that exactly.

Strange such a same set up! Yes I think I'd regret it as I already feel ragged at times. I think the worst is the travel, I'm over an hour in the car each way which is sometimes enough to tip me over the edge mood wise! I dread it. I didn't mind before pregnancy but the hormones kill it. Yessss I like your thinking!!! Omg you definitely know just from that comment I know you know if that makes sense. It's not easy when your the PA to someone so high in a company and your like the one person who knows everything so to speak. Thank you! I think I'll go in tomorrow and speak to him and give the note

[basicbitch16]

How did it go OP? @nicannie

[nicannie]

@basicbitch16 it went better than expected, but I was very upset when I left. I managed to get time with my HR manager this morning first thing and was open and honest about how I was feeling with everything and the doctors sick note. She advised me she would speak to my boss in my behalf and explain the situation and that she doesn't think I'm fit for work either.

She spoke to him and let me know to just leave and not to worry about anything. I have his old PA before me stepping in to help with something he needs done for Tuesday and HR manager is going to structure the replacements first week next week.

I'm so glad everyone told me to just be honest and look after myself. I was upset when I left but I've since had a message from my boss telling me he's glad I went home and not to worry about work, and worry about getting myself better and he will see me in a few weeks. I guess I'll rest and see how I feel after a break. Thank you for asking x

[basicbitch16]

That is such a relief. Lovely of the HR lady to step in & I'm really glad boss man messaged you too. Now feet up & look after you & your bump! Xx