Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3

Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Rejected by 35 women - two men become fathers through surrogacy

71 replies

OhHolyJesus · 04/05/2021 17:28

Apparently it's because they were gay but 35, really? Could there have been another reason at play?

I wonder if they are still in touch with the single mother who they 'bonded' with?

"After being turned down by over 35 different surrogates, we connected with a single mom who was ready to make the ultimate sacrifice to help give us the gift of being parents. It turns out, the beginning of the surrogacy process for a gestational carrier is often unpredictable. Medically preparing a woman’s uterus for successfully growing a child is not an easy task.
Already having formed a special bond with our surrogate, we were devastated when told her likelihood of being able to become pregnant through an embryo transfer was extremely low. It was time to seek out a new surrogate, and we were back at square one. After continued searching, we finally met Julie.

When we first met over lunch with her husband, we felt an instant connection.
We hit it off and we sailed through all the preliminary steps and started the steps (medications) to prepare Julie. Sadly, we discovered she was having similar problems to our first gestational carrier. We were starting to feel cursed. History seemed to be repeating itself when the doctor told us there was only a small chance this cycle would be successful.
We figured a chance is a chance, and two perfect embryos were implanted in Julie’s uterus, Bryce biologically connected to one and Jeffrey to the other. Then, it was time to wait. After boxes of pregnancy tests and some confirmation through bloodwork, we were pregnant! The transfer was a success!"

cafemom.com/news/surrogates-refuse-to-carry-babies-gay-dads

OP posts:

Report

HenryHooverIII · 04/05/2021 17:36

They're gay and live in a city and state founded by religious zealots. So probably, yes.

SulisMinerva · 04/05/2021 17:39

‘Gestational carrier’ - that is a fucking awful phrase! Made me feel sick reading that...like the woman is just a handy short-term container.

OhHolyJesus · 04/05/2021 17:44

I know Sulis I found 'Our pregnancy' a bit

OP posts:

Dyrne · 04/05/2021 17:52

Sounds like they had very specific requirements which would result in a high risk pregnancy - insistence on implanting 2 embryos that are genetically different, alongside all of the other risks associated with carrying twins.

I wonder how many women refused on that basis? If so, shame on that article for implying they’re all bigots against gay people.

ProudExclu · 04/05/2021 17:52

I’ve never been strongly against surrogacy but the phrase “gestational carrier” made me feel sick just now.

OhHolyJesus · 04/05/2021 17:54

"Our sweet neighbor mentioned the other day how she was so impressed we’d learned "motherly instincts" as fathers. Haha.
We were a little offended, but she had good intentions. She meant well. It’s sometimes harder for older generations to get past the thought of a child growing up without a mother — but our kids have two parents who love them dearly and they’re better off for it."

So not an entirely hostile neighbourhood then. The twins have a mother too of course. Everyone does.

OP posts:

ProudExclu · 04/05/2021 17:54

@Dyrne they live in Utah. The article in this case is probably accurate regarding the motivations being homophobic.

JoantheVampireSlayer · 04/05/2021 17:55

We ... started the steps (medications) to prepare Julie.

As if Julie were a cow, or a dog, rather than an actual human being...

LastRoloIsMine · 04/05/2021 17:59

We hit it off and we sailed through all the preliminary steps and started the steps (medications) to prepare Julie.

So they were upset this vessel they had bought may not preform just like their last one and they may have to buy again...prepare Julie??
My dad was a farmer and he would talk about heifers in a similar tone.

OhHolyJesus · 04/05/2021 18:01

"By this point, we had created an unbreakable bond with our surrogate"

Not so much with the other woman then?
Julie was 'The One', love at first sight I'm sure!

"...and regarded her as nothing short of a hero. On this day, she labored and delivered twins through an unmedicated birth. We love Julie and we saw her being a mother to her two children and had no doubt she’d be an incredible surrogate. We really felt like we connected on a deep level...We were kinda pregnant for 34 weeks, but not really."

Well not at all actually

"We didn’t have to deal with morning sickness and cramps and the struggles of pregnancy — so for us, it was a real shock coming home with two babies!"

No one is truly prepared for the arrival of a newborn. They just didn't have the physical recovery to cope with on top of caring for two little babies.

And

Julie still plays a big role in our lives. She is nothing short of an angel. Julie made so many sacrifices to bring them into the world. She gave us a gift we can never repay.

Children aren't gifts. Women aren't angels. Women don't have their value measured by their fertility and ability to give birth.

OP posts:

LastRoloIsMine · 04/05/2021 18:02

we were pregnant!

No. No you were not pregnant. Only 1 person was pregnant and risking their life...thats the gestational carrier

Dyrne · 04/05/2021 18:04

@ProudExclu fair enough. I think the rest of the article just rubbed me the wrong way - I especially hated the bit where they explain it took 3 whole cycles to conceive but they graciously forgave the surrogate for failing in her duty as a woman and they persevered with her…

LastRoloIsMine · 04/05/2021 18:13

I’ve never been strongly against surrogacy but the phrase “gestational carrier” made me feel sick just now.

They are removing the humanity of giving birth. They do that in order to make this a business transaction. Its clinical. Feelings and emotions don't come in to it. It is handmaid's tale.

BrandineDelRoy · 04/05/2021 18:16

@OhHolyJesus

"By this point, we had created an unbreakable bond with our surrogate"

Not so much with the other woman then?
Julie was 'The One', love at first sight I'm sure!

"...and regarded her as nothing short of a hero. On this day, she labored and delivered twins through an unmedicated birth. We love Julie and we saw her being a mother to her two children and had no doubt she’d be an incredible surrogate. We really felt like we connected on a deep level...We were kinda pregnant for 34 weeks, but not really."

Well not at all actually

"We didn’t have to deal with morning sickness and cramps and the struggles of pregnancy — so for us, it was a real shock coming home with two babies!"

No one is truly prepared for the arrival of a newborn. They just didn't have the physical recovery to cope with on top of caring for two little babies.

And

Julie still plays a big role in our lives. She is nothing short of an angel. Julie made so many sacrifices to bring them into the world. She gave us a gift we can never repay.

Children aren't gifts. Women aren't angels. Women don't have their value measured by their fertility and ability to give birth.

Or their value measured by how medicated the birth was.

FannyCann · 04/05/2021 18:51

Those surrogates are so picky aren't they.
Reminded me of this thread though it's a heterosexual couple so not these guys.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/surrogacy/4011046-Talk-to-me-about-surrogacy-in-UK

NewlyGranny · 04/05/2021 18:56

Whose choice was the "unmedicated" birth - of twins?! 😲

If this was in the deal, no wonder 35 women turned them down. 🙄

LazyHorizon · 04/05/2021 18:59

@NewlyGranny

Whose choice was the "unmedicated" birth - of twins?! 😲

If this was in the deal, no wonder 35 women turned them down. 🙄

My thoughts exactly. Most twin births are C-sections, for safety of both babies and mother. Not a factor, apparently.

Pinchoftums · 04/05/2021 19:01

Utah is one of the most homophobic bigoted pile of right wing arseholes that I ever had to visit.
It may also be because they have really weird white teeth.

ProudExclu · 04/05/2021 19:04

@Dyrne I didn’t even get that far. I was put off at “gestational carrier” as it made me feel strange inside. Horrifying reading

Mumoblue · 04/05/2021 19:04

I mean I get the anti surrogacy thing but it is not hard to find 35 homophobes. Especially in deeply religious places.

LastRoloIsMine · 04/05/2021 19:11

,I mean I get the anti surrogacy thing but it is not hard to find 35 homophobes. Especially in deeply religious places.

Doesn't woman phobia trump homophobia here?
Here are 2 males viewing woman as nothing more than hearding cattle yet you still find a reason to side with males and bad mouth tbe women ...sorry gestural carriers

nevernotstruggling · 04/05/2021 19:12

I think being gay in Utah must be very hard.

Meanwhile whats with the push on 'unmedicated birth' was that just how it turned out or was that a requirement its hard to tell. If that's just how it went down then fine. If they felt able to request that then just wow.

Mumoblue · 04/05/2021 19:13

@LastRoloIsMine
Yeah I’m not arguing with that at all. I’m anti surrogacy in general, just OP being confused they were turned down 35 times and saying “really” to it being because they were gay. It’s not hard for me to believe.

Mumoblue · 04/05/2021 19:14

@LastRoloIsMine
I’m also not “siding with the males”. I can believe homophobia and surrogacy are both not okay.

LastRoloIsMine · 04/05/2021 19:20

It is not homophobic for women to refuse to conceive and birth a child.
There body their choice.
No person on this earth deserves to be a parent at the expense of another no matter what their sexual orientation may be.

Flip

1 2 3

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.