Do being terrified of women and misogyny go together?

[wildmountainheather]

I have a late middle aged male colleague who is reserved, polite and in all ways proper.It is for to say he probably functioned better when our working environment was all.male not just largely male as it is now. He is a confirmed bachelor type and is perfectly polite to female colleagues, just seems vastly more at ease around the men. It isn't exactly what I would want as a mother my son to be like, but am I being harsh? He really is terrified of women and always trying to manage his professional situations so these interactions are minimised.

[pastmyduedate0208]

Is he gay?

[LaContessaDiPlump]

What makes you think he is a misogynist?

I have a male colleague who is a bit similar, not so reserved in the presence of women perhaps, but definitely more comfortable around men. I didn't think to notice it tbh; there are plenty of women who prefer majority-female environments yet aren't actually scared of men.

[OddSocksHighHeels]

But is he misogynist? He doesn't sound it from what you've written but obviously you know him and I don't! He sounds very unused to being around women/dealing with women from what you write but it's hard to say what the cause of that is.

[wildmountainheather]

No idea if he is gay or not possibly repressed. I can't tell if he doesn't like women in general therefore doesn't enjoy interacting with then or simply doesn't know what to say so prefers to talk to men. I have on one or two occasions felt uncomfortable around him, mainly as he is clearly so uncomfortable around me and desperately seeking another man to talk to instead.

[pastmyduedate0208]

Well he certainly has issues, but maybe he's incredibly shy around women?
Plenty of misogynistic blokes are more than happy to approach women, talk to them, talk over them, talk at them, assume they will get sex from them, tell a woman how to behave and what's wrong with her appearance, etc... etc.

He sounds shy. Possibly closet homosexual too

[pastmyduedate0208]

Actually I will amend a sentance

*assume they are entitled to sex from them.

Therefore misogyny in my mind is more confrontational.

[BarbarianMum]

Even if he was gay, it wouldn't really explain his behaviour as most gay men are perfectly comfortable in female company.

[LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett]

No, I don't think they do go together and think it's a leap to assume that someone who is uncomfortable around women hates women. Perhaps he's never really been around women, has poor social skills, is extremely shy, went to an all-male school, been brought up around brothers, is confused over his sexuality, is simply just a bit set in his ways and can't really cope with changes to his workplace, or all of the above?

None of these are ideal situations, of course. But they don't automatically equal misogyny.

[IdaJones]

Did he spend no time around girls when growing up? Eg. All boy schools and no socialising with girls at all?

[wildmountainheather]

Yes afaik he is an only child and was at all boys school and an all.male Oxford college. So a very onesided upbringing

[Gwenhwyfar]

I think these things do go together at times. I had a boss who was single in his 60s and very uncomfortable around women. He'd gone to an all-boys school and had avoided marriage because his parents' marriage was disastrous. I've no doubt that recruiting and promotion decisions can be affected by this kind of thing. He couldn't have coped with a business trip with just one woman, for example.